What You Don’t Know – Part One

30 Jan

So I’ve been tagged on Facebook about a billion times in the last week or so for this 25 Random Things About You thingy.

Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 (uh, yeah, I hardly know 25 people, so I’m only going to tag a few) people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

As I write this post, I am quickly realizing that it will be really long. So this will be my first installment of Things You Don’t Care To Know About Me.

1. I can paint.
Since I haven’t painted in a while, and it’s not the kind of thing you just carry around with you, a lot of people don’t know about my paintings. My two favorite paintings are the one I already showed you, and a painting of a row boat that I gave my parents years ago. One of these days I’ll get better photos of them to show y’all.

2. I’m seriously afraid of heights.
I always knew that I wasn’t a huge fan of heights, but until about 7 years ago, I didn’t realize how severe it was. Mr. Bee and I had just started dating and he decided it would be super duper fun to go bungee jumping. We drove down to the middle of fucking no where somewhere around Mount Saint Helens so the boys could jump off of highest legal bungee bridge in the United States. Yaaaaaaay.

Okay, so this bridge is approximately 8 billion miles above the ground. It is a one-lane concrete bridge with one side that is completely unprotected. The other side has a grated walkway with a shabby railing made out of metal pipe. Oh, and did I mention that one side is completely un-railed?! Holy shit, I’m having a panic attack just thinking about it…

Needless to say, my chicken shit ass was walking right down the middle of the road, trying not to look over either side. When it was Mr. Bee’s turn to jump, everyone insisted that I at least come over to the railing to get a better look. That’s when I realized how severe my fear is. For the first time ever, I literally could not make my body move over toward the railing. It was bad enough that I would have to stand on grating (which enabled me to see straight down underneath myself), but that railing looked like it was built by a retarded monkey after a stroke. There was NO WAY I was going to lean up against that shit.

And that, my friends, was when I realized that all those stupid people on the Amazing Race who cry when forced up on a tall bridge or have to bungee jump off the Space Needle or something are not stupid after all. They’re just like me.

3. I have 5 years of learning Spanish under my belt.
…and all I can say is “Me llamo Mama Bee” and “Yo quiero Taco Bell.”

4. I have a law degree.
This is always followed up with “Did you practice?” or “Did you take the Bar exam?” to which I promptly laugh and say, “You mean I was supposed to use the piece of paper on my wall that cost $140,000?”. Oh yes, my friends. I could buy a house (somewhere, I’m sure) for how much my degree cost.

5. Out of the (I’m guessing) couple hundreds of classmates of mine from law school, I only know the names of about 10 people.
You know that song “High School Never Ends”? Well, law school was like high school with huge amounts of alcohol, prescription drug abuse, and sex. You know, MORE of that stuff than in high school.

Law school was also full of cliques. Groups were pretty tight and therefore you really only hung out regularly with your own friends. This lead to MANY nicknames being created for, well, the entire population of the law school practically. Some of the names I remember: Monkey Girl (girl REALLY looked like a monkey, I shit you not), Meth Mouth, Arch Nemisis (man, I fucking hated that guy), Robot, Psycho, Skunk, Ken (of Ken and Barbie), Peg Bundy… I’m pretty sure everyone else was generally referred to as “Douche” or “Asshole” – there were a LOT of those. It was law school after all.

Anywho, I didn’t realize how bad it was until graduation. Each classmate was called on stage by name to receive their diploma. With each and every classmate, I remember thinking, “Ooooh! THAT was her name?! Huh.”

Now years after graduation, I have tons of people that ask me if I know so and so and I have NO idea unless they specify that “Janet Smith” really was called “Stink McPoopyPants”.

Song title: What You Don’t Know by Jon Randall

2 Responses to “What You Don’t Know – Part One”

  1. Betts January 30, 2009 at 12:05 pm #

    I can’t wait for the remaining chapters. I’m using this in my blog today too, since I spent most of the day writing one for Facebook yesterday, and I can’t get my lazy ass to write anything else.

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