Wal-Mart Special

11 Jan

I fucking hate Wal-MartLast week, I confirmed something that, yes, I already knew.

I fucking hate Walmart with all of my being.

On a good day, I would usually prefer to trim my lady garden with a dull cheese grater over stepping one in-grown toenail in to the gates of Hell door to Volde-Mart.

But post-Festivus, Mr. Bee and I found ourselves in possession of roughly a metric fuckton of video games and DVDs (gotta love those relatives that give you a full year’s supply of VeggieTales – gag). Since we were 99% positive that said gifts were purchased at Volde-Mart, and since we found ourselves chock full of Holiday Cash (I really love those relatives!), AND since VM carries the type of SLR camera that I’ve having wet dreams about for years, we decided to return all those cherished gifts to cut the cost of the camera by a third or more.

And so begins my Lord of Rings-esque quest(s) through Wal-Mart Hell.

With an upcoming snow vacation looming (photos and stories soon!), last Tuesday I ventured out of my anxiety-free home with gifts galore to purchase my our lover camera.

So after I willed myself to have the intestinal fortitude to endure the customer service line, I found out that Wal-Mart sucks in a whole new and exciting way: you can only return items that carried at that particular store. Example: If you received gifts that were purchased online (or even at another store), you can only return them online or at that particular store. Even if it’s a bajillion miles away.

Of course, we don’t have the receipt, and although I weighed the ramifications, I decided we shouldn’t be totally rude and tell our relatives that, “Uh, thanks for the presents, but can I have the receipt? You know, just for, um, reference?”

After my FIRST VM visit (foreshadowing), I came away with only $30 of return money, about $100 short of what we thought we’d get. I was crushed. I suffered through my VM anxiety for this?!

I immediately called Mr. Bee for help because I am a whiny 5 year old who can’t do anything for herself. After a few hours and an acupuncture appointment, Mr. Bee tells me to go get my camera anyway.

Because he’s looking to get some totally awesome!

I was near a different VM that I knew should have the camera model (thank you Interweb) and arrived at my second VM of the day ready to swallow all of my pride and beliefs to give VM hundreds of Mr. Bee’s hard-earned money.

You know, if I could actually find the camera.

I’m told upon arrival that, “Oh, they lie online, we probably don’t have it, but let me look…yeah, no.” Then I’m told that said worker could look it up in the system to REALLY find a location with it…if only we had something to scan in.

Did you get that? I need to have THE CAMERA WITH THE BARCODE FOR HER TO SCAN in order to FIND THE CAMERA.

It’s like trying to look up how to spell “vaginal discharge” in the dictionary but needing to know how to spell it in order to look it up! (Thank God for spell check, right?)

Through a post-Christmas Wal-Mart Baby Jesus-esque Miracle, I actually found the barcode for the camera in a nearby catalog and worker bee went hunting yet again. Soon, low and behold, she found the camera!!

For $80 more than the online price.

Fuck. You. Walmart.

So after what seemed like 527,000 hours at 120 different Wal-Marts, I left with my tail between my legs and no camera.

It seemed too late to order it online (even with $17 rush shipping, fuck you again Walmart) in time for our upcoming snow vacation, so as a last resort I checked Amazon

And found the camera! For $50 cheaper! And with $4 next day shipping!!

As of Wednesday, I we are the proud new owners of an SLR Canon. And I’m no Pioneer Woman, but hopefully the photos on the blog will suck a little less now.

First SLR Photo of Bee

So the moral of the story is Amazon rules and Wal-Mart drools.

Oh, and FUCK YOU WAL-MART. FUCK YOU TO HELL.

Song title: Wal-Mart Special by Royal Wade Kimes

8 Responses to “Wal-Mart Special”

  1. Stacy January 11, 2010 at 6:22 am #

    FYI, you can normally ship to store via Walmart’s website for free.

    That being said, they totally lie online all the time…and I’ve never heard of the stupid return rule. I always thought Walmart would return anything and everything. At any rate…try selling the stuff you don’t need on half.com or craigslist. You can at least get some cash for them :)

    And yay for a new camera…I :heart: my SLR!

  2. kellie January 11, 2010 at 10:28 am #

    Dude! I swear you read my mind. Been there, done that, we must be related because I have the same WT relatives that shop there and for us no less, when they KNOW we REFUSE to SHOP THERE ourselves! However that being said, “My hypocrisy knows no bounds” as I have found myself in VM a handful of times (I can count them on one hand)AND every F’ing time I get so irritated at the customer service, the disgusting, nasty store, the prices that I feel aren’t that great and those Goddamn HAPPY FACES all over! I kick myself, every, time that I step foot in there like I said (count them on one hand) BUT THAT IS NO EXCUSE – Never again, YOU HEAR ME? NEVER AGAIN!

  3. Teddi Yaeger January 11, 2010 at 11:07 am #

    Excellent!!! Watch the excellent documentary “Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price” and you’ll never set foot in one again (if you have a conscience).

  4. Erin January 11, 2010 at 4:55 pm #

    I agree with Teddi. And as far as Ship to Store goes, they usually take about two weeks, and twice they have lost my item altogether. I am SO anti-WalMart, but once I had to get something that they only carry there, and the other time I was picking up something for someone else. Needless to say, I can NEVER go into WalMart. Did you watch this? http://www.southparkstudios.com/guide/809/

    It has a lot of poo in it, so it should keep your attention.

  5. Erin January 11, 2010 at 4:56 pm #

    PS. Freaking CUTE kid – but you already knew that.

  6. Heather I. January 11, 2010 at 5:49 pm #

    Hahaha, I hate that place, too. Someone gave us a giftcard for it this year and I called to see how much it’s for…$10!! I was like oh my, really? At least I now don’t feel obligated to spend the thing. The closest Walmart here is in Oakland and it’s in it’s own league of ghetto, been once, NEVER going back.

  7. Pearl Wisdom January 11, 2010 at 6:02 pm #

    I hesitantly did the ship to store thing with TJs crib and changing table because OF COURSE they had the cheapest price. And FUCK YOU walmart because it was such a cluster fuck o dickaround that they accidentally gave me the changing table for free! MWAH HA HA HAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!

    What model of canon did you get? I want an SLR soooooooooooo badly!!! I was looking at the cheapest Nikon SLR, but i know nothing about cameras. I recently started letting TJ use our digital camera as a toy, so hopefully she will break it soon and…..

  8. Kristen January 13, 2010 at 7:16 pm #

    I HATE Walmart. My sister-in-law sent a gift for Beanie there through ship to store and I think that’s the only time I’ve braved going there. Oh, and when i was in Montana and that’s like the only place to shop. But now they have Target, so fuck Walmart.

    And I am totally jealous you got a SLR.

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