Vagina Ice

6 Feb

Surprisingly, I only had three song title choices that included the word ‘vagina’. “Moist Vagina” by Nirvana just seemed inappropriate. I do have limits, people.

It seems that my fans have one thing on their minds lately: random women’s vaginas. But hey, who am I to judge?

First off this week, we’ve got a Baltimore woman who decided to donate a kidney to her niece. THROUGH HER VAGINA. Apparently the procedure is less painful and produces less scarring.

Huh.

“It was easier than childbirth,” said VagKidneyWoman, who has three children.

Fancy that. Maybe because a kidney is the size of a human fist. Jesus, I could pop a fist out of my vagina any day of the week! Let alone with medical assistance.

And in case you were worried about the poor niece who is now a vagkidney recipient, Dr. Vag said a plastic bag was placed into her abdominal cavity through a tiny incision protected the donated kidney from contamination by bacteria and other organisms in her vagina.

Organisms? Really, though? If I was the VagChick I would be personally requesting that my doctor does not lead people to believe that I have Sea Monkeys living in my vagina.

* * * * *

Elsewhere this week, a single 33-year-old crazy cat lady Child Collector woman with 6 kids already, gave birth to octuplets. That’s 8 kids yo (for those of us that didn’t major in Latin).

Seriously?

I have way too many thoughts about this. First of all, I’m pretty sure I’d be eating the business end of a gun donut plane ticket to Belize if I had six children. But what kind of fucked up person then decides to implant 8+ embryos in their vagina?!

Apparently a woman who thinks having litters of kids will bring her fame and free shit. Oh wait, what? Yeah, that’s *right* lady. No one wants to give you any free shit to sponsor because You. Are. Crazy.

I’m LOVING that all the baby product companies in the world are like, “uh, yeah. No thanks. We’ll pass on this one…” because the situation is so obviously fucked up and the mom is crazy a crack smoker for wanting so many babies mentally unstable.

Honestly, I don’t know which is worse: the “mom” (and I use the term looooooooosely) or the doctor(s) involved. What was the doctor thinking?! I’ve heard rumors that the “mom” lied to the doctors about the situation, but still. Epic Fail for the doc, for sure.

PLEASE!

* * * * *

Lastly, I’d like to send my thoughts out to Statler this week. Statler’s dog was just diagnosed with cancer and it’s been really rough on her, so just wanted to give her a shout-out and let her know that we’re all thinking about her! XOXO

PS: NOT a good idea to Image Google Search “vagina” thinking you’ll be able to bypass all the p0rn and just find a funny image to use on your blog.

Song title: Vagina Ice by Bliss N Eso

5 Responses to “Vagina Ice”

  1. Betts February 6, 2009 at 7:01 am #

    I’ve been really ticked off about Octomom. She said she wants a big family because she was a lonely only child. Well first, start with a husband and then some therapy.

    I’m not too sure about the kidney/vagina things. Less scarring, huh? I’m thinking I wouldn’t want scar tissue in there. Could make an enjoyable activity not so much fun.

  2. the mama bird diaries February 6, 2009 at 10:23 am #

    wow. a lot of vagina in this post. :)

  3. Daniel February 6, 2009 at 10:26 am #

    Have you seen what’s up in your vagina? I’m going to have to find you a link I saw a few weeks ago. It was the most disturbing thing I think I may ever see.

  4. Guwi February 6, 2009 at 12:12 pm #

    (cue David Bowie riff)Ice, ice kidney.

    yowks. That’s just…I can’t say wrong because the woman is donating a kidney…but…yowks.

    And a plastic bag? What is she, some kind of mole carrying drugs across the border?

    sheesh. and also. yowks.

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