The New Workout Plan
10 May
Today I was fat shamed.
Today I was that my body, as-is, isn’t good enough.
Today I almost punched a three-year-old in the face.
Picture it: A bright and sunny morning at the park. Bug and I decided to spend a few minutes at the local park before heading to drop-off for kindergarten (our kindergarten starts almost an hour later than the rest of the school…don’t even get me started…).
Upon arrival, I notice that our timing coincides with the local mommy-stroller-workout-group. Moms are unpacking strollers from cars and starting to congregate while their children play on the big toy. I sit down while Bug starts climbing when I’m approached by a young boy.
Incorrigible (read: learn some manners, Kurt) Boy: Hi! Are you here for the mommy-stroller-workout-group?
Me: (all smiles) Nope! I’m a lazy mommy!
IB: You should workout. Do you workout? You should workout. Have you worked out before?
Me:
IB: My mom is here to work out. You should work out.
Me: …(stares at phone trying to will him away)…
IB: Have you ever worked out before?
Me: yeah…
IB: You should work out. You need more muscles. My mom works out all the time. When she’s not working out she’s at home.
Me: mmmm hmmmm… (thinking: go away)
IB: Do you work out? *MY* mom has worked out for TWO THOUSAND AND THIRTY YEARS!!
By this point I’m *this close* to yelling “YOUR MOM ISN’T EVEN TWO THOUSAND YEARS OLD SO THAT’S NOT EVEN POSSIBLE, DUMMY!”
But luckily it was time to load up and leave for school. So once again I have dodged verbally assaulting young children in public. #winning
Song Title: The New Workout Plan by Kanye West
what a little piece of shit
Did you leave out the part where you told him his mom should spend more time teaching her children social skills than working out? And for the record, I think that boy’s comments were more about being brainwashed by his mother’s bragging than anything to do with how you look. You are practically perfect in every way and I feel sorry for her friends!!!