Yesterday, I wrote about my recent weekend trip down to Sacramento/Folsom. I just can’t believe that I forgot the best part.

The photos!!

So this was trip #3 (I think) for Bee, but it was really the first time that she has been aware enough to know what is going on. I won’t lie; I was terrified that she would lose her shit the minute the plane took off.

We eventually got her safely hog tied secured in her car seat on the plane and she was fairly entertained by all the people. Unfortunately, on the way to the airport, Mr. Bee and I had entertained Bee by singing the ABC Song at the top of our lungs, just for fun. When we tried to entertain her while the passengers were boarding with the same song, guess what she did? Yep, she started screaming it at the top of her lungs. Slightly embarrassing, but hella funny.

When we took off, Bee decided that clouds were apparently the devil (she looked out her window a few times and turned back to me and very seriously said, “Clouds scary.”) so we quickly did what any parent does to keep their kid busy. We turned on some television.

Let me just take a minute here to express my undying devotion and appreciation for the Apple Corporation. We would not have survived both plane trips with our sanity if it wasn’t for my new iPod touch.

I had already loaded that puppy with Bee’s television lineup (Backyardigans, Wonder Pets, Word World and Super Why!) and once that plane went DING! I had that shit in Bee’s lap before the pilot could even say “We have now reached our cruising altitude of yada yada yada…”

Needless to say, she enjoyed it just a smidge. Look at that smile on her face! The most hilarious part is that I started the Backyardigans episode first and, since Bee had on headphones and couldn’t tell how loud she was being, when the show’s theme song came on, Bee began yelling in excitement, “Pablo! Tyrone! Tasha! Uniqua! Austin!!!!!”

Yet again, I was dying of laughter (and embarrassment).

At my grandparents’ 65th wedding anniversary, Bee continue to be both a doll and an embarrassment as she yelled “more dance!” between some hulu dancers my uncles had brought in to entertain my grandparents. But she also did do her own hulu dancing outside, so once again, her cuteness saved her (and me) from more humiliation.

One of my cousin’s little daughters was just as, if not more, hilarious. My grandmother had gone to some random dollar store (I assume) and bought a bunch of miscellaneous toys for the kids to help themselves to. My cousin’s daughter (who was about 13) grabbed a couple dolls that she thought looked cute. Once opening them, she was more than a little, well, confused…

The first question is: Why the hell did I not finish my cake?! But that is neither here nor there.

More importantly: What the hell is the character on the left (my best guess is a convict reoffending by stealing a 1980’s boom box?) and MOST importantly: What do these toys DO?

You’ll notice from the convict toy that you can pull them apart slightly. The kids would pull them apart, set them on the table and patiently wait for something to happen…

Nothing.

Well, let’s take a look at the directions on the back of the package, shall we?

Shittiest. Toys. Ever.

Luckily we had other things to keep us amused. Like some of the outfits that people wore to this shin-dig. Well, one outfit in particular.

Unfortunately, I only have one photo that somewhat demonstrates this guy’s, let’s say, QUESTIONABLE clothing decision.

I know you can’t tell from this photo, but this dude was wearing a white polo, a white bowler with a purple feather in it and…wait for it…matching PURPLE pants. I’m even gonna go out on a limb and say that he was wearing white shoes, too.

I’m a little worried that this geezer misread “Come celebrate our 65th Anniversary” for “Please come to our pimp themed party”. Luckily, I was dressed kind of slutty, so we made a good pair.

Song title: Take a Picture by Filter

Those who know me well know that I have two huge addictions: television and the internet.

But last week, I took step to cut myself off of one of those addictions.

And no, I didn’t get rid of any of my three TiVos. Aren’t fucking kidding me?!

One of the many sweet things I got for my birthday was an iPod Touch from Mr. Bee.

Mr. Bee and I are total whores when it comes to shiny new electronics and ever since Mr. Bee scored an iPhone through work, I’ve been drooling over them. Since AT&T wanted to charge me $300 (now $400) more than the average Joe just because I have a 10 months left on my contract, I quite politely asked them to fuck themselves and told Mr. Bee that I would settle for an iPod Touch.

Well, I did say it nicer than that, believe me!

After getting the Touch all set up, I’ve been playing with it non-stop. In fact, most of my internet surfing is now done with my new iPod (as evident by all the horrible typos and misspellings on my Facebook status updates – stupid auto correct!).

Once I surfaced for air from my new toy, I realized that having my Blackberry AND the new iPod was kind of redundant. I can get email on both, have calendars and contact information on both and even surf the internet on both (but it’s sooo much easier on the iPod than my Crackberry).

I should just get rid of the data plan on my Blackberry, right? Well, the only hitch is that the iPod requires a wireless connection, which means that…

I can’t check my email every five seconds when I’m gone from the house GASP!! (…unless I hunt down some free WiFi somewhere, of course, but that’s neither here nor there…)

To be honest, at first the thought of not being able to be connected 24/7 was kind of frightening. Don’t ask me why, I just like being connected.

But then I did a dry-run and realized that, during any given day, the only emails I get are emails from Nigerian princes and approximately 812 Facebook Notifications. Maybe it *isn’t* so necessary for me to check emails while I drive, while I shop, while I poop in a public bathroom…

So the data plan is gone and my obsession with iPhone apps is going strong.

Those Nigerian princes will just have to wait until I get home for a response to their tempting offers.

Song title: Advances In Modern Technology by A.f.i.