Oh. Em. Gee. people. I have so much stuff fluttering around in my cranium, it’s not even funny. Here’s a quick download of recent events and hopefully I’ll get a chance to blog about all this stuff soon!

- How in God’s Green Earth is it SEPTEMBER already?!?!

- Sissy’s family and ours just spent a whole week in the lovely town of Seaside, Oregon and I am so not ready for my first day back in “the real world”. Ugh.

- The lovely ladies at SITS are going to feature this blog soon! Serious OMG. I know you are probably thinking the same thing as I am, “THIS blog? Are you sure they didn’t make some horrible mistake?!” (PS: You are totally an asshole if you were really thinking that.) Now I have to select my three favorite/best/whatever posts to be featured. How the hell do I do that?! HELP!!

- Guess who’s pregnant?! Yeah, NOT ME. Quoting Pearl, “FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

- Somewhere in Seaside, Bee got infected with what I can only refer to as “the devil”. I think hanging out with three other fun kids all week got her so wound up that now she is in a perpetual state of hyperactivity. And she has decided that “no” is her favorite word again. Ironically, “Time-out” has now become my favorite word.

Song title: Raw Update by Technotronic

I am so sorry that I haven’t written anything in a few days but, as you will soon see, I have been a little busy with, well, everything. So to get out all my disjointed thoughts, I figured I’d do a little Blog Fart Friday/Saturday for you!

1. Mr. Bee Follow-up

On Wednesday morning, around 1:30 in the morning, Mr. Bee’s nose started bleeding again. Not I-need-a-transfusion-immediately bleeding, but enough to make me shit my pants slightly. We pretty much immediately called a friend to stay at the house with Bee and headed to the local emergency room, where we hung out for about four hours.

Long story short, there is nothing to do but wait for his nose to heal, which will take about a week. In that time, Mr. Bee can’t bend down to tie his shoes, pick up Bee, basically ANYTHING that would cause the blood pressure in his head to rise.

Guess who gets to do E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. and can’t even leave Bee to take a break in case she (meaning Bee, not me – but totally a totally understandable confusion) needs a diaper change? Mr. Bee can’t even put her down for a nap by himself because he’d have to lift her in to the crib (yes, she’s still in a crib – shut up.)

So, yeah. I’ve been a little busy. And…going a little crazy. (Otherwise known as: please disregard the soon-to-be-written whiny-Calgon-take-me-away posts that will be popping up this week.)

And…

Hmmm…

So…

Okay, seriously, I can’t remember any of my other blog farts that I was going to write for you. That’s how much of a jumble fuck my mind is right now.

Jesus. Sorry for the asstastic post, friendos.

Now I gotta go lug the lawn mower from the backyard to mow the front yard and take the trash out and start laundry.

Oh, and if you have time, go over to Pearls of Wisdom and tell Pearl that she is lame for wanting to abandon her blog. I mean, not all posts can be web jems like this, but she can always keep trying…

PS: Oh yeah, I remembered one thing. Hopefully I’ll get around to watching Bachelorette season opener this weekend and will record my thoughts for your entertainment. I heard that there is some dude obsessed with feet or something? Stay classy, Bachelorette.

Since I have about 35 draft posts that have never come to fruition, I’m going to be a huge Ravings of a Mad Housewife copy cat and post a couple of blog farts for you this wonderful afternoon!

Sunshine Productivity
I can not tell you how productive I have been the last three days. You must be asking yourself, “Why? How?! Where is Mama Bee and who the hell are you, you god damn imposter!?!”

Dude. I hear ya. It’s fucked up, right? Being productive at home is kind of against my nature.

But something weird happened this last weekend and continued until yesterday.

THE SUN CAME OUT!

The weather this week has been ridiculously great. And by “ridiculously great” I mean that it didn’t SNOW. And, well, the sun was out and it was warm. We even opened up the house and got a great breeze going through the house!

Proof that we actually got out and enjoyed the sun!

Somehow this weather change was like Redbull for the Soul (trademark!). Fuck that Chicken Soup crap. Mama needs more than bird in broth.

Any who, I not only cleaned up all of Baby Bee’s toys from Worm Invasion 2009, but actually organized our whole desk/kitchen area, starting setting up our office (finally), and started some overly ambitious projects for Bee’s upcoming birthday in a couple weeks.

It’s kind of freaking me out (the cleaning AND the fact that my “baby” is going to be two years old.)

Electronic Obsession
After a bestie of mine got a super cute tiny little laptop computer, I got bit by the computer bug. Mr. Bee and I have a huge weakness for the new and cool electronics on the market. We have iPods, laptops, pretty useful Blackberries (and Mr. Bee will be getting a new iPhone for work soon, which I can’t wait to play with!). So when I heard about this new “netbook” trend in the computer market, oh my ovaries, I wanted one. Almost as much as I want to get pregnant.

Okay, maybe not that much. I would definitely take a baby over a netbook at this point. Too bad babies don’t come with Bluetooth, though…

In order to not break the bank (and not buy yet another laptop in our roughly four laptop family), I hunted and searched and searched and hunted until I found my old Sony Vaio from law school.

I felt like Einstein when I realized that I already owned a small, light-weight laptop that I could bring on trips (like Vegas) with me to blog and look at porn whatnot. The only glitch? The battery is shot so I did have to fork over $70 for a new battery and, well, it’s kind of ghetto because it’s missing the letter L.

Yup, our former (well, she’s still a dog, just not ours anymore) (and just a little bit psycho) dog, took a shot at the laptop and popped the letter L off of the keyboard. But don’t worry, that’s not the only reason why she’s not our dog anymore (looooooooooong story). We could never figure out how to reattach the letter L and now only God knows where it ended up in the move.

But the good news is, there WILL be blogging in Vegas. Muuuaaahahahahaha!

Like the Clap, only better
Lastly, because this post has become way longer than I had intended, I was looking at Google Anal-tics again today and it seems that the Hive has grown/infected Southern California!

We used to have like ONE reader in San Diego and now the readership looks like herpes in the LA area! Hello to all our new readers and please don’t take me calling you herpes as an insult.

It’s really a term of endearment. I promise! I mean, at least I didn’t call you Gonorrhea or something.

Rambling On by Procol Harum