She’s A Working Mom

16 Mar

Originally this morning I was going to write a post all about going to a party that my Sissy threw on Saturday and how absolutely “Seattle” I was on the way there.

I mean, come on. I was driving my SUV, in the rain, in traffic, on the 405 S-curves, while “dressed up” in jeans and drinking my Starbucks. Unfortunately, I wasn’t listening to Pearl Jam or Nirvana at the time. That would have really tipped the scales.

But that light-hearted post about how cool my Sissy is and how you should all be jealous if you don’t have a Sissy you love as much is going to have to wait. Sorry, Sissy.

Because last night I came upon a blogger’s post that made me so furious, I almost turned in to Lou Ferrigno.

The Incredible Mama Bee Hulk

The post was about Stay-At-Home-Moms (SAHMs) and whether or not staying at home with the kids really is a difficult job or not.

::okay, deep breaths::

So, I don’t want to single out or mock this particular blogger…but, well, I kind of do.

First of all, her blog title is “Baby Making Machine.”

And her header has a pregnant woman on it.


And isn’t pregnant.

Seems a little premature to me (if only that because once you actually try to have a baby, it might not be that easy. Yet another thing that as a non-mommy, she just presumes will be easy. And I know! I did the same thing! I never thought that it would take a half year to get pregnant with Baby Bee!).

Anywho, so yesterday she posted that SAHM-ness seemed like a pretty cush job and she even described what she envisions is a “typical” day for a SAHM:

-You wake up when baby/child wakes up. If you’re lucky, you have a kid that sleeps in and you get to sleep in a little too.
-You watch the kid, make sure it doesn’t kill itself and try to teach them a thing or two.
-Clean, feed, entertain, nap it, etc.
-Clean around the house, do laundry, dishes, that kind of stuff (unless you have a spouse/maid that chips in with that stuff)
-Make food for everyone

And as if that wasn’t enough to enrage mothers across the globe, she ends the post with:

I know a lot of you women are SAHMs but I just wonder REALLY, what’s SO hard about it? I mean, if you didn’t like it couldn’t you get a nanny, or a part time job or something? I’m guessing the good outweighs the bad. I mean, why else would you continue to do it? It’s not like you don’t have a choice in the matter, and at the end of the day many say it’s the best job in the world. The best?… Maybe. The hardest?… Not buying it.

Obviously, it is her blog and her opinions and whatever. But what really struck me is that tons of readers have commented in opposition to an Anonymous Commenter (kind of a pussy move, right? But still) who said that basically she doesn’t know what she’s talking about and maybe she shouldn’t be concentrating on writing about something she doesn’t have a clue about.

And, I promise, the Anonymous Commenter wasn’t me.

But I did comment and told her that her post was the equivalent of me saying that medical school must be easy because all the sluts on Grey’s Anatomy did it and they spend half their time fucking each other.

I have always really taken offense to people with the “You just couldn’t understand” mentality. I think it’s offensive and demeaning.

But in the case of parenthood, totally true.

Even after getting through 40 weeks of pregnancy and having Baby Bee forcefully removed from my vaginal zone, I will always remember bringing her home and being exhausted. I looked at the calendar and thought, “Phew! It’s the weekend in two days. Then I’ll get a break and get to sleep in.”

And then it hit me.

I’ll. Never. Get. A. Break. Again.

That’s the first time, as a parent of a 3-day old, that I finally knew what it was to be on call 24/7.

And those moments of clarity happen with the good and the bad.

I honestly never knew what true love was before I blew out my vag with Baby Bee. True, all encompassing, I-could-literally-eat-your-cheeks-off-because-you-are-so-adorable love.

And please don’t compare your love of your dogs to the love a parent feels for their children.

Shit, I don’t even compare my love for Mr. Bee to the love I have for Baby Bee. There’s just no fucking comparison. Baby Bee wins hands down.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that being a parent is a learning experience that is never-ending.

And to seriously make judgments and opinions on it without being a parent is kind of like saying that you know how to perform surgery but you’ve never picked up a scalpel.

But the bitches on Grey’s can do it, so it can’t be that hard…

Song title: She’s A Working Momby Dean Friedman

21 Responses to “She’s A Working Mom”

  1. Donna March 16, 2009 at 11:27 am #

    OK, on paper, her breakdown of my day isn’t really that far off. But what can’t be expressed on paper is how difficult those tasks actually are. Especially the part about keeping them from killing themselves or destroying the house. It doesn’t take into account that what should be a quick trip to Target takes an hour to prep for because your toddler is distracted by air and refuses to wear THESE socks, she has to have THOSE socks and bring her baby and her stroller and her cup and her book and her teddy and her blanket…..

    And then trying to get things like dishes done and meals cooked with a toddler who is begging you to play play doh or kitchen with her? Yeah none of those things get done while the child is awake.

    And I also wanted to say how I was just inwardly bitching about how to a SAHM, there is no such thing as a weekend or a holiday ever. Every day is the same and you still end up doing the exact same thing. My husband is great but he deserves a weekend too, so I don’t try to pass off all my mom duties to him on weekends. Some, but not all. Friday night means nothing to me now. I miss that.

  2. CN March 16, 2009 at 12:08 pm #

    Can we all just agree though that SAHM, while a very hard job, is not the HARDEST job in the world? Surely this job is harder.

  3. CN March 16, 2009 at 12:08 pm #

    I don’t think my link tag worked. this job:

  4. sissy2mom2b March 16, 2009 at 12:16 pm #

    Sissy is okay with saving the post glorifying the wonderment that is me for another day. Said poster is a friggin’ idiot. Okay, sometimes SAHM’s bitch about their job. Last time I checked, I didn’t get a paycheck, raises, evaluations, adult conversation, etc.

    Dear CN,
    Have you ever simultaneously tried to clean up projectile vomit and diarrhea at the same time?? I have. I would rather dive in slime.

  5. Steph March 16, 2009 at 12:18 pm #

    I’m with Donna. That’s my day in a nutshell. And my gawd how it makes me laugh and laugh and laugh. My answer to the clueless bitch? “Yup, that’s what a SAH does, cupcake. And if you think it’s ‘easy’, I cannot WAIT ’til you actually have the babies and get to have that cushy job for yourself, punkin pie.”

    And to be real about it, couldn’t ANY job be boiled down to sound pretty damn easy if you leave out the details? I mean, what does the President do all day? He hangs out in his office talking to people. He does some paperwork. How hard could it really be?

    I guess after three kids, I can’t even get too mad at the pre-parents. My favorite thing to say to them? “I did my best parenting before I had kids, too.” Three kids later, and I freely admit that I don’t know shit. I keep them alive through a combination of child psychology, brute force, steely determination and plain good luck.

  6. Betts March 16, 2009 at 12:20 pm #

    OMG, I can’t believe how calm your post seems although I’m guessing you’ve had some time to cool down. I’m glad I’m sitting here with a glass of wine to calm me (yes, it’s only 4:10, but there was a little left in the bottle from the lamb shanks I’m braising, so I thought it would be ok, and that’s just what SAHMs have to do sometimes). But I have to mention a few things that the b**** forgot: teething, potty training, scraping vomit off the carpet and upholstry, staying up all night because your baby won’t stop coughing, the worry over every bump, fall and strange rash, the feeling that you would chew your own arm off to make them feel better/stop hurting, the early days when you don’t have an opportunity for personal grooming, sucking buggers and snot out their nose with a nasal aspirator, fevers that seem to go on forever, when you get them in snowpants/boots/jacket/hats/mittens and then smell the diaper, temper tantrums in public places, leaky diapers, mountains of laundry, birthday parties… oh, I’m sure I’ve forgotten things, but that’s a start. Oh, did I mention I love it? Did I mention that it IS the hardest thing I’ve ever done? Now it’s time to open another bottle of wine.

  7. Carolyn March 16, 2009 at 12:33 pm #

    Yeah, I agree that this young lady is a little ‘off’ (okay, more than a little) in her estimation of SAHM’s, and it’s never a great idea to criticize unless you know what you’re talking about. (or criticize at all, come to that). But. She’s young. When I was young, I thought I knew everything too. The difference was, I did not have a blog, or facebook, or twitter, or texting, to put down in print how stupid I was being. And in hindsight? I said some pretty stupid things.

    Then my older sisters who had kids slapped some sense into me, with their favorite…’just wait. You’ll see.’

    And I did. And I do. She will, too. Now it’s time for my unshowered self to find some adult conversation, while I whip something resembling dinner together and bring one of my ‘spawn’ to a cub scout meeting.


  8. Kristen March 16, 2009 at 12:47 pm #

    Yea, said blogger doesn’t have a clue. Maybe someday she will. Its funny how I consider the one day a week where I do work outside of the home as my “day off.”

  9. Mama Bee March 16, 2009 at 12:49 pm #

    First of all, I am LOVING all your comments!

    Secondly, CN, I have to say that while I wouldn’t opt for the slime-diving job, I think I’ve had to change a few diapers recently that definitely smell like rotting garbage and human waste. {evomit} :)

  10. Melisa March 16, 2009 at 3:37 pm #

    Oh how I have missed your wit and blog. But being a new mom with a 5 week old, easy as that bitca thinks it is, I haven’t had the time to catch up with anything. I’m lucky if I get a shower twice a week and most days smell like a combo of johnsons and baby spitup. Boy, she is in for a rude awakening when she finally does have a child. What a dumb ass.

  11. Denelle March 16, 2009 at 5:50 pm #

    I’m with Betts, wow you seem calm. I read your post earlier today and it got me totally pissed off. I gave it some time and then went and looked up her blog and now I am pissed all over again.
    I love the line that Steph said, that she did her best parenting before she had kids too. It is so easy to make decisions when you aren’t presented with any real problems.
    What the hell is this girl doing with a baby makin[g] blog in the first place??
    The cherry on the pie to me is all the fact that she is a Mormon. Speaking as a former LDS’er (for aprox 20 yrs) I can understand where some of her cockamamie idealistic thoughts are coming from. They start pumping that way of thinking into your brain when you’re still in primary (aka under 12 years old).
    I am just dying to hear what she has to say when she’s had one or two. Until then she should keep her opinions to things she actually knows about.

    Also does anyone else find her slightly pathetic for the fact that she has a whole blog devoted to baby when she’s not even trying? It’s weird.

  12. MonsteRawr March 16, 2009 at 6:31 pm #

    Let me begin that I have no kids, so I cannot truly say as you can how hard your job is. I’m not going to pretend that I can. However, my mother ran a daycare in our house, which I often ran for her when she was in radiation for breast cancer. So I have an inkling.
    More than anything, I feel sorry for this girl. She clearly has NO concept of reality. Moreover, she must not have any mother-figures in her life, since I’m pretty sure any elder woman in her life would have set her straight by now. Take heart in the knowledge that when she does have kids, (and if she’s LDS, she will,) she will quickly learn how wrong she was, and will gain a new appreciation for your difficult jobs!

  13. Jennifer aka Future Mama March 16, 2009 at 10:43 pm #

    Hey girl, sorry I didn’t respond to you quicker, I wanted to respond in an email but there was no reply. First off, I can understand why you’re upset. You completely took my blog post the wrong way. I wasn’t trying to say that IS what the life of a SAHM is like… I was jokingly saying what I could imagine, and that’s why I asked for comments… To be informed on what is so challenging about it. If you truly don’t know unitl you are one, why not ask people who are SAHMs what it’s like?

    I truly am sorry if it offended you as that was not my intentions.

    Wow, I’m so surprised people are so harsh here, haha!

    I do have a mother figure thank you very much and I posted about her job today. The main reason I said I didn’t understand why people called a SAHM the hardest job in the world was because my mom was a mother of five AND worked more than a 40 hour work week… Of course everyone’s situation is different, I’m sure some of you moms posting here had/have it just as hard and it’s wrong for me to assume one persons job is more difficult than another… However, I just didn’t understand how SO many SAHMs call their job harder than any other mom’s job… It sounds to be like being a mom, PERIOD is difficult. So I was trying to learn why SAHMs think their motherly job is more difficult than a fulltime working mom, or a Work at home mom. I wasn’t saying MY job was more difficult either.

    And as for the low stabs to me being pathetic and not knowing anything… I openly admit to not knowing about motherhood, my whole blog is about learning what I can BEFORE I start trying. Call it was you want but to me, it’s fun, it’s interesting, and it’s informative. A lot of women have actually told me they admire me for taking the time to ask questions before diving in, and a lot of other women without kids are asking themselves the same questions, but they’re too afraid to ask out loud like I am. They find advice in comments from moms like yourself helpful.

    No, I don’t think I know it all… who does? So please, don’t misread my writings.

    Anywhoo, I did appreciate your comments on my blog, I love different point of views and I appreciate your honesty!

    Again, sorry if you were offended.

  14. Jennifer aka Future Mama March 16, 2009 at 10:46 pm #

    PS: and I thought you left out the KEY point of my blog post which was right after the last sentence you posted where I basically denounced everything I just ranted and asked:

    “But I’m open to being wrong. Divulge me! Really, feel free to let me have it!” Which you did, so I’m not mad, but please… don’t misconstrue.

  15. Jennifer aka Future Mama March 16, 2009 at 10:47 pm #

    PPS: I’m sorry to clog up your comments but I realized I put in my email address wrong. I fixed it for this one in case you want to email me :o)

  16. Jennifer aka Future Mama March 16, 2009 at 10:58 pm #

    Oh… and the last thing I PROMISE, then I’ll leave you alone! I never said I assumed getting pregnant would be easy… Actually I dedicated a whole post to my worries about that very fact. I’m sorry but just like you don’t want someone to assume things about motherhood… I’d prefer you get the fact straight about me.

    I have stated my opinions, and asked for advice, but I have never said I was right and you (or any other woman) was wrong. I’ve said how I think things will be for me… But I’ve never said how things are for other women. Yea, I make guesses, but I welcome to be proven wrong… Something many bloggers are afraid to do.

    I’m very aware it could take awhile for me to get pregnant… And my “trying time line” isn’t something I think I’ll share for that very reason.

    I don’t act like a know-it-all EVER on my blog, and I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t tell that to others…

  17. Daniel March 17, 2009 at 12:48 pm #

    take away the kid part and i’m sure i’d totally love the stay-at-home full time job ;)

  18. Rachael March 17, 2009 at 10:38 pm #

    Wow, this makes me so mad. I understand that it might be hard to fathom what life is like for parents when you don’t have a child. But WHY do these women feel the need to attack SAHMs? Why do people feel the need to make other people wrong all the time? Being a parent isn’t just cooking and cleaning and making sure no one dies. It’s teaching another human being how to be part of society. It’s being responsible for another life 24/7. I could go on and on about it, but I think you said it pretty well.

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