Those of you who stalk me like good little sheepies know that last Thursday I had my very first deal with the devil blogger marketing event thingy.

Seriously, that is the technical term. I Googled it.

Weeks ago I got an email from Red Plum, you know, those dudes who lovingly provide you with coupons every day in your mailbox/newspaper/email/underwear drawer/etc., asking me to attend something called “My Frugalicious Holiday”.

The obligatory "Frugalicious Holiday" sign photo

Since I’m a total patsy for anything -licious, I spent the last week trying to convince myself that my first blogger event would be awesome and not anything like I imagine (basically a room full of carnivorous, hair-pulling, bitches who would laugh at my outfit while simultaneously ignoring/shaming me in to a corner like a good little wallflower).

After struggling over what to wear (sweet jesus, what to wear) and dragging Mrs. J along to help me shiv any of those cold-hearted bitches who would try to knee me in the vagina (because, duh, I’m kind of a vaginalicious), I hopped in the car for a quick drive up to Seattle.

Oh wait, did I say “quick”? I meant, fucking slow as shit. Seriously, Seattle. What the hell.

But it was cool. I spent the time not freaking out (which, as we know, is kind of a shock) thanks to licking a Xanax before I left the house. And I rocked the party in my car with plenty of James Taylor and Train. (Shut up. My iPod is the definition of adult contemporary.)

Sidenote: Why did the Starbucks I’m sitting in suddenly start smelling like fish? That can’t be a good thing…

Anywho, after fighting through the hoards of traffic while singing Footloose at the top of my lungs, I finally arrived at the event.

First of all, most importantly, I totally rocked my Marc Jacob heels.

And, yes, I did take photos of my own feet while trying to impress people. Because that’s how I roll.

After subtly infiltrating the other bloggers ranks with my sneaky and effective “Hi! I don’t know you, but I’m going to sit down with you and join your conversation whether you want me to or not so suck it” technique, I really started socializing and even forcefully shoved in to their hands handed out my blog business cards (which were pretty clever, ifIdosaysomyself).

I won’t lie. There were probably some mixed reviews.

I made even more of a name for myself when I won the door prize, a beautiful centerpiece wreath made of what I believe to be olive leaves. It smells wonderful and I can’t wait to use it for our Thanksgiving table!

When it was presented to me, the blogger to my right leaned over and asked, “What is that?!”

Being the serious professional that I am, I said, “It’s a hat. Obviously.”

Oh yes, ladies and gentleman. I am nothing if not professional.

Thanks again to Red Plum, who fed us so well (seriously, I think Mrs. J was preparing for hibernation. That girl can eat!) and giving us some fabulous swag bags! I could get used to this wining and dining shit.

Song title: Red Plum by Trolleyvox