Our story begins more than a week ago when I started to be slowly killed by a soul-sucking cold. I’ve been coughing like a 60-year-old smoker, sniffling like a crack whore and by Thanksgiving week, I had cold-induced pink eye which left me tearing up constantly like a over-emotional…well…me.

I was really the picture of perfection (like always, duh). To top off the week, I barely grazed the countertop with my wedding ring and **ka-chink** out falls my diamond on to the stove top range. Thank GAWD that this happened at home. I won’t lie, a bit of me dies inside when I think about it happening outside the house. (excuse me while I vomit in my mouth a bit)

So, really, I was having a super awesome week. I woke up last Wednesday morning and even though Fertility Friend was yelling at me that it wasn’t time to test yet, my obsessive need to pee on things took over and I dug out a pregnancy test from my stockpile. Because, yes, I have a stockpile of pee sticks. Doesn’t everybody?

After peeing in a cup (because that’s the only way to do it really), I ceremoniously dipped my pee stick in and set in on the bathroom counter to watch my pee work it’s way up that little, but oh-so-powerful, stick.

…

…

…
and this is what I saw:

This is when I realized that I have no idea what the fuck those little lines meant.

I scrambled back in to my drawer o’ pregnancy tests and fumbled for the results guide. Sadly, I read that one horizontal line means “Meow meow, not pregnant. Too bad, so sad.”

Disappointed but convinced that I simply tested too early in my cycle (again), I turned back to confirm the results. That’s when I saw this:

Shut the front door.

Immediately, I did what every other woman trying to get pregnant does. I grabbed another handful of tests and plopped those bastards in to my Dixie cup of pee.

Because while deciphering between a “-” and a “+” is a little tricky, there’s no doubting a big “NOT PREGNANT” or “PREGNANT” readout on a digital test. Even a monkey can do that (and I assure you, in the morning, my IQ is right down there with spider monkeys).

And what to my wondrous eyes should appear,
but a sparkling digital readout saying “there’s a fetus is here”.

Seriously, shut the fuck up.

I’m pregnant?

I’m……pregnant?!

I’M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In true Mama Bee fashion, I am now telling everyone I know or, in most cases, don’t know. But you can’t tell me that those Target cashiers didn’t want to hear all about my fertility issues because, come on.

Now please don’t worry about the state of the blog. Many a blogger has proclaimed that they don’t want to bore their readers by posting every mundane pregnancy symptom and/or story on their blog.

Yeah, I’m so not one of those bloggers.

I truly believe that you, my tens of readers, have a right to read all about my boobs feeling tender and the frequency of my urination. And, really, who I am to deny you of that?

If anyone is interested, I’ve linked all my pregnancy-related posts right over there on the sidebar where it says “The More You Know”. Enjoy!

Song title: Pregnant Again by Unknown Hinson