Pins and Needles

4 Nov

So this morning is my first appointment with the acupuncturist.

Part of me thinks that the session will leaving me feeling like this:


However, the other (crazy) part of me is worried that I’ll end up more like this:


Since I’ve learned through my crazy town appointments that I deal better with information, I’m doing my best to research the shit out of acupuncture.

My main worries questions:

1. What should I wear?
I am gonna have to strip neked? Do I wear layers? Would my “Ride the S.L.U.T.” tee shirt be appropriate?

2. Where are they gonna poke me (with needles - just thought I should clarify)?
Will it ruin my makeup? Should I shave? Should I REALLY shave (you know what I mean)? Are they gonna put needles in my vag hole (in case the previous questions were too vague for you)?

3. Are they going to lecture me on Yin and Yang and Qi and shit?
Am I expected to buy in on all of that? If they start talking about opening and closing Qi faucets or some shit in my body, is it okay if I giggle a little?

4. Okay, really. Are they gonna poke needles in or near my vag?!
Obviously, this is a huge concern. Because, duh. Needles + Vagina = CHAOS! I’m pretty convinced that I should tell Mr. Bee that the fertility issue is his problem and that he’s gonna have to get needles shoved in to his frank and beans.

Just to see the look on his face because that’d be classic!

More updates on my baby-hole being stuck with pins soon…

Song title: Pins and Needles by Billy Talent

4 Responses to “Pins and Needles”

  1. Mira November 4, 2009 at 12:46 pm #

    Um, you a little crazy. No accupuncturist who wanted to see their clients again would either make you strip naked or stick needles uh around them girl parts.

    They may have you remove your shirt, as you get more comfortable, could be pants too, with a blanket as coverage. I’ve had just pants rolled up and sleeves rolled up, depends on the person. I’ve never had any of my more personal regions discussed much less touched, except for regularity of poop and menstruation being an important part of diagnosis for them.

    You are so over freaking. This will be like nothing other than the embarrassing part of talking about your poop which you are clearly not embarrassed to do online so should be a breeze.

  2. unbride November 5, 2009 at 2:34 am #

    ohmaga! accupuncture? all those needles? yeah, i would be worried about the vag hole too … can’t wait to hear the recap on this!

  3. Erin November 5, 2009 at 8:25 am #

    Every time I had acupuncture it was in the face and on my legs. No vag hole…unless you go to a sadist…

  4. Heather I. November 5, 2009 at 2:23 pm #

    Hey [Mama Bee],
    I tried acupuncture for fertility (I don’t ovulate on my own anymore) and I loved it. By now, you probably already know the needles are pretty much painless and go around your abs, head, calves, maybe hands. It depends on your exact “needs”. I preferred an American woman acupucturist so I could understand her better, although I know some prefer the traditional Chinese. The sessions were super relaxing for me and at the end I always felt so calm and refreshed. The one thing I didn’t like were the herbs she had me take every day (super gross) and the dietary restrictions (I love ice cream too much!). I didn’t stick with it long enough for it to work, but I do believe it would have!
    Oh, the one other thing that was a bit strange was the electrostimulator. It’s a light pulsing thing that gets connected to your ab area to help get things moving in the ovaries. It was weird, but after I got used to it, no problem. Sorry this is so long, hope it helps and good luck!

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