Pig Charmer

29 Jun

Help me out here, people: Is there something about me that just screams, “That lady needs a bit of meat in her!!”

See, no matter how hard I try to convey to Panera that Mama simply wants an egg and cheese bagel, those tricksy sandwich makers seem to try to slip their meat in every time! Sometimes it’s ham, today is was bacon. I’m pretty sure next week it will be a snout or one of those pig ears from Petco.

Don’t get me wrong. Mama ain’t no vegetarian. But eating little piggies has it’s place and time, neither of which is on my breakfast sandwich.

So is this some suave form of sandwich flirtation? Are the fellas behind the counter really giving me the equivalent of a bagel wink and nudge and saying, “How you doing?” with their slices of pork?

I refuse to believe that my beloved Panera is so incompetent as to not understand “Can I get an egg and cheese bagel sandwich?”, so intense flirtation by pig seems to be the only other option.

Either way, the next time one of those charming, khaki garbed sandwich makers slips a little meat in my bagel (trademark!), I’m just going to scream, “Jesus, guys! I’m MARRIED!” while swinging around my left hand.

Don’t worry, I’ll keep you updated.

Song title: Pig Charmer by Jerry Cantrell

3 Responses to “Pig Charmer”

  1. Kassia June 29, 2010 at 10:47 am #

    Oh please tell me when and where this is going to happen!
    I often ask the McD’s to not put ham on my egg mcmuffin and often get hammed anyway. Makes me want to remove it from my sandwich and slap it onto the drive up window.

  2. Keegan June 29, 2010 at 11:23 am #

    Maybe they think you’re watching your budget, or something? They think you can’t afford the pork products, so they pity you and slap them on anyway? This is just me being generous. What is more likely is that the minimum wage they’re earning doesn’t exactly motivate them to take the breakfast sammy biz all that seriously. Next time this happens, save it for me. I’ll eat it! :-) That is AFTER you say the whole “I’m married” bit, ’cause that’s gonna be funny as hell.

  3. Sarah June 29, 2010 at 11:31 am #

    Possibly your funniest post yet. Nice work. :)

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