I finally got around to scheduling the shoot and promptly went out and bought roughly one trillion dollars worth of new clothes for the family. I mean, you can’t have a photo shoot without everyone having coordinating outfits, right?
And, by the way, coordinating outfits for three people without trying to look too matchy-matchy is a royal pain in the ass. Just a nice little public service announcement for y’all.
So after buying 8 trillion different outfits (for myself), the family headed up to my old alma mater (Go dawgs! Woof! Woof!) to practice our runway walks in front of the photographer.
Now, due to Bee’s ridiculous crying and tantrums during our photo shoot with Sissy at the beach (and you’d think since Sissy and I hail from the same vagina, that would lend Sissy some sort of street cred with Bee, right? Yeah, not so much…), the day before the shoot I really made a point to prep Bee on what was going to happen.
Okay, basically I told her that we were taking her to the park.
Tomato, to-mah-to, people.
To be fair, I DID warn her that there would be a nice lady there who would be taking our photos and that every now and again we might have to pose and say “cheese”. Was Bee cool with it? Totally.
Until, you know, we got there and she saw the camera.
What happened next was nothing short of a Linda Blair movie.
Sidenote: What the fuck is up with this photo being on the front page of IMDB right now?!
Way to make me scratch my eyeballs out with my toenails, IMDB. Thanks for that.
Speaking of freakishly scary things, Bee was absolutely possessed by the devil.
Not only did she refuse to pose for photos, she basically cried any time she (1) saw the photographer, (2) saw the camera, (3) felt the wind blow, (4) remembered that we weren’t at an actual park, (5) took a breath.
Needless to say, it got old real fast.
But despite my child being fully uncooperative, check out these amazing photos we got! I swear, our La Luz is a freakin’ miracle worker.
Or a priest who specializes in exorcisms.
The jury is still out.
Song title: Photo Shoot by Gucci Mane