My Humps
20 Apr
Baby Bee has a new obsession.
While not spectacular in any way, shape, or form (for sure!), Bee is captivated by my breasts.
She will pinch them, grab them and, my particular favorite, lift up my shirt to make sure they are still there (I can only assume).
She will also dig through our dirty clean laundry to find one of my bras, which she promptly wants to wear and will hold up to her chest until I help her.
All of this is completely adorable…
…at home.
But last week, when we were out on our shopping trip from hell, Bee decided to bring her love of my bewbs to the public.
Specifically the ultra quiet Apple Store.
Where she proceeded to attempt to disrobe me and/or look down my shirt while screeching “BOOBIES!! BOOBIES!!”.
Needless to say, I could’ve died.
I could have LITERALLY melted in to the floor in a pile of humiliation.
Maybe if they (my boobs) were a little more impressive and not the sad, saggy feed sacks they’ve become Thanks to Bee, I’d be all, “Yeah, buddy. That’s right. These ARE my boobies! Jealous?!”
So what have your little Gremlins done to you in public that embarrassed the shit out of you?
Song title: My Humps by Black Eyed Peas
Nothing comes to mind with the big E…but I did witness my friend’s humiliation as she walked up the steps with her hands full and her 4 year old son rubbing her butt the whole way.
Obviously someone watched Daddy a little too closely?
Instead of being funny, it was just…creepers.
I’m waiting for the day when Elizabeth looks at me and says, “Mommy, you’re fat!” At least, all of the old school L.A. Weight Loss commercials swear that’s what happens.
I needed that laugh today. I heart you.
And nothing (well, almost nothing) tops listening to my eldest, age 4, chronicling the decent of his poo from inside to outside. In the Target bathroom. While other people listened.
Kids are designed, I think, to strip you of any sort of dignity.
Hahaha! I love when kids say “Wow you’ve gotten SO BIG!” like they’re giving you a compliment for growing!
Bridget lifted her legs in a shopping cart and yelled “Dis my ‘gina!”
Oh, and on Christmas Day, she told my dad he had a penis.
I think she was obsessed with genitalia for a while. It’s since subsided.
To be fair, I think I’ve had that reaction out of boredom at the Apple Store as well…
All I have to say is stay away from those ‘gauzy capri pants’ with nothing but elasitc in the waist that they are selling at Old Navy. they are super comfortable, and they look like the could be linen from a distance, but they can also be yanked down in the blink of an eye by someone 2 1/2 feet tall. if you must buy them, make sure you are wearing your good underwear.
Yea Alexa is obsessed with my boobs too. Like grab at my shirt and mangle me in public obsessed.
My daughter doesn’t even call me mom. When she wakes up the first thing out of her mouth is mornin boobs there is also whats up boob, night boobs, stop with the boobs, tickle the boobs all the while messing with them this is every day she’s even touching them now my favorite is bless you boobs when i sneeze!
that was hi-larious.