My Best Friend

1 Feb

We will find out if our little nugget Cletus is a hamburger or a hotdog (girl or a boy) on March 23rd. It seems like lately whenever someone realizes that I’m pregnant and not just letting myself go (to be fair, I am letting myself go as well), the first question out of their mouth is…

“Do you want a boy or a girl?”

First of all, that’s a horrible question because no matter how you answer it, you feel bad that your not-so-soon-to-be-baby will feel like shit if he/she ever found out that they have the “wrong” genitalia. Unless, of course, you answer with the super fucking lame, “We just want it to be healthy.”

Really?! Because there are so many of us parents out there that don’t give a shit if our kid is totally a retarded spider monkey potato baby just as long as she has a vagina?! Jesus Christ.

Anywho, like I was saying, I think the question is really unfair. Mostly because I am totally bias.

My answer to the question every time? A girl.

But it’s not my fault, really. It’s Sissy’s fault.

We were so cute. What happened?

We were so cute. What happened?

You see, I have one older sister, Sissy. During our youth, we were the typical siblings: I completely annoy the shit out of my sis to which she would respond with an Indian burn on my arm. To which I would go crying to my mom like the youngest is supposed to do. Don’t blame me, blame society.

But once Sissy went away to college, I think it only took roughly 24 hours for us to become best of friends. It was then that we learned that as long as we don’t have to live with each other for longer than a week or so, we are super BFFs.

Sissy and I have never understood how siblings could be anything but the best of friends. We see each other as often as we can living an hour away from each other and having 4.5 kids between us. We call each other roughly 112 times a day, 8 days a week, if only to discuss getting boob jobs and giggling over scenes from the Hangover.

But there is a glorious beauty that comes with a BFF Sissy. For one, there are so many things that we can share that few others could. (Side note: Random Friend does not represent any one of my particular friends so don’t get pissed, k?)

While Shopping with Sissy
Me: How do these jeans look? Super fly, right?
Sissy: Um, no. Definitely not. They kind of give you camel toe but in your butt.
Me: ((sigh)) You’re right…

While Shopping with a Friend
Me: How do these jeans look? Super fly, right?
Random Friend: Nah, I don’t think those are working for you.
Me: What do you know, slut? ((stomps away))

Chatting with Sissy about Family
Sissy: Can you believe what random family member did? What a butt monkey?
Me: Right?! Don’t even get me started on that reh-tard!!

Chatting with Friend about Family
Friend: I can’t believe what your random family member did! What a butt monkey!
Me: Shut up, bitch. That’s MY retarded family member you’re talking about!! ((throws punch))

Planning a Night Out with Sissy
Me: First we should eat and then drink and then drink some more and have a slumber party and be drunk with the drinking and it will be awesome!!
Sissy: I’m pre-funking already!

Planning a Night Out with Random Friend
Me: First we should eat and then drink and then drink some more and have a slumber party and be drunk with the drinking and it will be awesome!!
Friend: Sorry, I have to wash my cousin’s aunt’s sister’s friend’s neighbor’s poodle’s hair that night.
Me: Whore.

You know, maybe I’d have more friends if I stopped calling them whore all the time…

So anyway, you can see that I’m terribly biased when it comes to preferring a sibling gender for Bee. I know that if Cletus is a boy, he and Bee will be as thick as thieves (mainly because I will force them to be friends even if I have to use Sissy’s Gitmo Indian burn technique), but somehow I don’t think they’ll be calling eachother five times a day to discuss vaginaplasty when they’re older.

But, hey, I could be wrong.

Song title: My Best Friend by Tim McGraw

9 Responses to “My Best Friend”

  1. sissy2mom2b February 1, 2010 at 9:12 am #

    Sissy, you know I love you to the moon and stars and back. You are definitely in my wolf pack.

  2. Jenne February 1, 2010 at 1:41 pm #

    Having never been blessed with a sister I could share everything with including vaginaplasty and boob jobs I am so jealous of you and Sissy. Growing-up I begged my mom to have one more kids as long as it was a girl. I hope you get exactly what you want, and yeah you’re right I don’t think if Cletus is a boy, he and Bee will be sharing breast and vagina stories.

  3. Jennie February 1, 2010 at 4:15 pm #

    See, I have a boy sibling, and we still totally have fun and have lots of weird little sayings and things. But no, we don’t talk about vags.

  4. Pearl Wisdom February 1, 2010 at 4:25 pm #

    Not to be contrary, but I have a brother and we are so close that in high school, people used to think we were a couple (GAG, but that illustrated how much we liked to hang out and how well we got along, or at least it is meant to…)We are still super close to this day AND I ended up getting a sister anyway when he met his future wife in college. I absolutely adore her and can get my fill of vadge talk with her. It’s a win-win!!

    btw, when my brother’s wife was pregnant and people asked what gender they were hoping for, his answer was always, “im just hoping it’s mine.” i guess that doesnt help you much, but feel free to share that one with mr. bee.

  5. Midori February 1, 2010 at 5:00 pm #

    Mama Bee and Pearl Wisdom – your humor completes me. Applause.

  6. Lindsay thompson February 1, 2010 at 8:06 pm #

    Well worth the wait to read your blog. :-)

  7. Rachael February 1, 2010 at 9:29 pm #

    I always wanted a daughter because I had a sister and we have a good relationship with our Mom. Now I’m gonna be a mom to 2 little boys! What the heck?! But, I think they’ll be great friends.

  8. The Stonekings February 2, 2010 at 9:41 am #

    very cute blog, and congrats on the pregnancy!

  9. Shannon February 2, 2010 at 10:30 pm #

    I’ll be honest… when I was pregnant with baby #2, I wanted another girl. Yes, it would have been nice to have one of each, but with the kids being 2 years apart, I figured it would be a lot easier if I had another girl. Since I already had “girl” stuff.

    That being said, I do have a younger brother. We may not talk about vaginaplasties, but we are close.

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