Must Be Santa(bator)

14 Dec

T’was two weeks before Christmas
And the house was full of cheer
For the much loved Santabator
Was finally here.

The presents were wrapped
The desserts were all made
And games turned disgusting
were soon to be played.

There was enough food to feed
Twenty or more souls
And a pregnant woman who just had
Not vomiting as a goal.

Every year before Christmas
We follow Santa’s lead
And take time to honor
His masturbatory needs.

And don’t forget the Mrs.
Who is also profane
For she has a strange attachment
To a large candy cane.

So every year at this time
Our friends gather together
To exchange gifts like mullet wash
And banana hammocks of patent leather.

Before the night ends
And most guests are totally lit,
We’ve all laughed so hard
That we’ve peed ourselves (just a bit).

Soon all jokes have been made
From retards to psalms
And usually some mention
of the diaphragm of Dan’s mom.

As we all depart with our gifts
Which will be used more than we’ll say
Merry Santabator to all
Each and every day.

Who DOESN'T ask Santa for an ass-less banana hammock for Xmas?

Song title: Must Be Santa by Raffi

3 Responses to “Must Be Santa(bator)”

  1. Erin December 14, 2009 at 8:17 am #

    Really well done. The only thing is the dessert typo made me wonder for a bit, but then I got it. WELL DONE!!

  2. Erin December 16, 2009 at 7:56 pm #

    I teared up a little bit knowing that the subject of Dan’s mom’s diaphragm lives on in the Pacific Northwest. We may be gone but not forgotten!

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