More Manners Please
2 Nov
In case you didn’t realize, last weekend was a really important date to children all around the nation.
Daylight Savings. Duh.
Oh, and Halloween, too.
Along with the obligatory ten pounds that I will gain from the twenty metric fuck-tons of Halloween candy we have left over (you’d think with this economy there would’ve been more kids out begging for free shit, right?) comes the obligatory Halloween photos.
In fact, I’m pretty sure that I would lose my virginity blogging license or something if I didn’t post photos of everybody all dressed up and ready to party.
And by “party” I mean “I can’t believe I made the entire family dress up in full costume to go around the neighborhood with Bee and only find like five houses that had their lights on. What the fuck, neighbors?! I did not hunt these stupid pirate costumes on eBay just to have Halloween humbugs keep your lights off and hide in your living rooms when we all know you are home, you goddamn cheapskates.”
Whew.
Now that I got that off my voluptuous I mean, average unless I’m being honest then under-developed chest, here are said photos of my deliciously adorable family:
While all dressed up and, if I’m going to be honest, feeling a bit like a retard being so dressed up and passing out candy to the neighborhood kids, I had a little epiphany.
We all know that Halloween is when your true self comes out. For most women, it’s when your inner (and outer) slut comes out. (FYI ladies: a holiday doesn’t made you any less of a whore.)
For example, I had a couldn’t-have-been-older-than-twelve-year-old come to my house wearing a version of this costume:
I shit you not, I found this costume online under “Tweens”.
Parents: your daughter should never, ever, EVER be allowed out of the house in this costume. Ever.
But that wasn’t my epiphany.
I realized that Halloween is when your true manners come out.
We had a lot of tweenage kids (mostly boys) visit our house last night and I couldn’t believe how ridiculously rude some of them were.
Yes, I expect that a few stupid kids won’t even put on a costume and still expect me to put candy in their garbage bags. Classy. But I last year I had a tons of kids that wouldn’t even say “Trick or Treat”!!
So this year, when a group of douchey tweenage boys came to the door and just stood there, I stood there too.
It was like the great Halloween Stand-off of ’09.
I’m getting pretty good at these stand-off things.
Eventually, after standing there staring at each other for a few moments, I had to say, “Uh, aren’t you supposed to say something to me?” FINALLY, one of the douchebags children are our future said “trick or treat”.
Can I tell you, one boy (in a different tweeny group) looked at the candy I had given him and then looked me square in the eye with a look of disappointment and entitlement and said, “Next time I’ll trick you.”
Really, kid? REALLY?!
I know a fuck more about the legal system and I’ll make sure your little ass is in community service until I’m handing out Halloween candy to your CHILDREN’S CHILDREN!!
Okay, I didn’t say that.
I actually just nervously giggled and said, “heh. heh. Happy Halloween?”
Later, I calmed myself down by watching a few scary movies on the good ol’ TiVo. There were quite a few options on television Halloween night…
I’m still having nightmares.
“The music is played for love, Cruisin’ is made for love. I love it when we’re cruisin’ together…”
Song title: More Manners Please by Markus Schultz
Amen on the rudeness and sluts (that is almost EXACTLY what I posted on Facebook on Halloween). And as for the costumes, since they didn’t get a lot of wear, you can either just use them next year, wear them to SeaFair, or better yet, just wear them as if they were everyday attire: shopping, running errands, playdates, etc.
I mean, heck, why not?
Amen, sister! The average age of the trick-or-treaters who came to our door must have been 35. (Okay, maybe 17) We had taken our two little cuties to Mill Creek town center where they stocked up, then returned home. We had left a bowl of good candy on the porch for anyone who came by while we were gone. When we got back and my husband finished sorting the candy that the kids got, he dumped out the bowl and put the cruddy candy into it. By this point, it was after 8:00 and all of the trick-or-treaters who came by were in high school. Some didn’t even have costumes on (just black attire, maybe for robbing the liquor store down the street later on). Some of them gave my husband dirty looks after seeing what was in the bowl. (A few of them almost didn’t take the candy.) Really, guys? Should beggers (and by that I mean, teens who have been turned down for employment at the local Taco Bell) really be so choosy?!! Grow up, get a job and buy your own damn candy.
(And I was also appalled by the slutty Halloween costumes aimed at our young girls this year. Why are their parents letting them out of the house like this?!!! Those costumes should come with an STD kit. Yikes!)
Hehehe. Love the costumes.
You guys looked so cute!
Sucks that most of your neighbors were cheap & didnt pass out candy. We had the same issue. We walked for blocks & only about 25 houses were passing out candy. Sad.
Nice costumes! And way to go on the Halloween stand off. No one teaches manners any more… just us nice bloggin’ mommies. Thanks for doing your part to make this world a less douche-baggy place.
awww (or should i say arrrgh!), you guys are so cute!
to the ‘next time i’ll trick you’ kid: next time, i’ll poison you.
Love your attitude. This is my favorite halloween post this week. Wish I’d thought to be so bitchy but my neighborhood was great this year. Nothing to complain about, except not enough trick or treaters. I had too much candy left over…
We had some douchbag kids too. One kid came and had a stick in the back of his shirt and said he was a tree. Lame.