Mo Money Mo Problems
4 Mar
Despite my (almost) 3 year old’s lacking gross motor skills and absolute refusal to defecate in a location other than her pants, this whole parenting thing hasn’t stumped me too often.
That is, until recently.
You might recall that I am full of the Crazy and have an almost illegal love of lists and Excel spreadsheets. What you might not realize is that no one could love Excel more than my husband.
The other day, in a fit of boredom organizational fury, Mr. Bee created an elaborate spreadsheet estimating all of our potential one-time expenses from now until, well, until we die, basically. We’re talking everything from swim lessons and window treatments to European vacations.
Most of the items are within some sort of reason. But imagine my surprise when I reached the 16th birthdays of the kids and Mr. Bee had allocated…wait for it…$25,000 for EACH of the kid’s first cars.
What the what?!
I immediately explained that I don’t care if it means that Bee will have to push her P.O.S. car along with her feet like the Flintstones, we will not be spending more than like $5-7k for the kids’ first cars. I mean, obviously, right?
But the conversations raised some worries about parenting our children in the coming years. We’re proud of our new home and that we’ll be able to raise our children with pretty much whatever they need (again, within reason).
But how in the world do you avoid raising bitchy entitled little shit heads? The last thing I want is for Bee and Cletus to take their lifestyle for granted, especially when Mr. Bee has worked his tail off his entire life to get us where we are now (without getting in to the dirty back story, Mr. Bee is pretty much the epitome of Rags to Riches.)
I’m so proud that Mr. Bee broke the cycle and on pure determination, ambition and brilliance carved out a spectacular life for himself. So, when I think about our children growing up in the nice house with nice things, I hope I can manage to instill an appreciation for the hardworking that goes in to living this life.
Is there some magic recipe for raising happy, but not annoying/spoiled kids? I’m already contemplating how I will handle buying school clothes for a tween while my first born is still wearing polar bears on her pajamas. And in the meantime, I’m struggling to not buy the entire outdoor section of Toys R Us for our backyard this summer. I’m kind of a walking contradiction (surprise!).
Maybe if we make then spend a couple years living in a Harry Potter-esque cupboard under the stairs they won’t take their Flintstone cars for granted…
Song title: Mo Money Mo Problems by The Notorious B.I.G.
First off, $25,000 first cars? Heck no! I didn’t get one and neither are they. Haha.
I think that the best way to make sure that your kids don’t end up spoiled has less to do with WHAT you buy them and more to do with teaching them to be generous to other people, and to appreciate what they have. There are such thing as spoiled brat kids who don’t have a lot of stuff, and such thing as totally rich kids who are not spoiled. It’s about perception and how we teach them to interact with their belongings and other people.
As you know, I was the crasher of many vehicles my first few years of the driving. So, there’s no way in hell that children with half my genes with ever be getting a new car as their first car. I’m not stupid, yo.
What we plan to do (in three years, OMG!), is to match whatever J has saved for his car. If he saves $0, then guess what? No car! He tends to be quite the saver, so it may screw us over in the end. We’ll see…….
$25,000.00 for a first car, has Mr. Bee not read the statistics that most (if not all) kids total thier first and sometimes second car?We gave our oldest a car for graduation ($3500.00) and my mr. does the up-keep on it to keep it on the road. She loves it but as predicted she totaled it and we had to pay to have it put back together ($2400.00) however she seems to have learned to slow down and pay closer attention from that first wreck. Our oldest son is getting a truck that he and his dad are restoring (1968 Ford)and updating. Even if he wrecks it he’ll be safe!
As far as keeping them from being spoiled I’m not sure what the answer is there. My kids have much more than I did as a kid and they appreciate it far less. We have tried to teach them the value of a dollar and to make them understand things do not come free and that the world does not owe then anything.
As a nanny over the years to kiddos with money to burn, the key is teaching restraint. Keeping gifts special so that they are appreciated. Most of us poor mamas know about restraint because it is our way of life, but the person it is typically the hardest for is the parents of said bratty kids. Teaching kids the difference between luxury & necessity. Showing kids by example how to shop/spend/save money is a skill that will make a huge difference. Also, teaching kids to GIVE. If you get something new, you donate things you don’t use. Donate time, food, etc. And, no teenager appreciates anything handed to them, especially a $25k car
Some tips I think would be helpful for you:
1. Be a role model yourself by not focusing on material wealth to equate to happiness. Allow them to express themselves through words, art, music, or other creative endeavors, rather than through material goods. Spend less money, spend more quality time.
2. Teach them to acknowledge and give thanks to what’s provided for them as young as toddler age.
3. Encourage them to take care of their belongings themselves, rather than rewarding them for work with money or other goods.
4. Encourage them to volunteer for homeless shelters or soup kitchens at least by high school.
5. Teach them to manage a small allowance of money at a young age.
My 17yo has been complaining about the car thing since she was 15. Come this July (and 2 months after her 18th bday) she will finally have her car.
It came after 2 years of hard work & savings by her ($1500) at your local ice cream shop, a lucky grant matching $2 for every $1 she puts in (only because she’s a foster child), and a $500 buy-in from us (we also are offering to get her rims & a system).
I think that while she saw others with cars as she had to endure the school bus and Metro to get around, she learned valuable lessons that make her appreciate what she has earned that I can attest, her friends DID NOT learn!
I think the biggest thing that Mr. Bee forgot in his spreadsheet is the cost of insurance for teens (our current quotes are $3500-4500 for anyone under 18) and gas (who knows…it can go back up to $4+ or higher).
When you cross that bridge remember that “Give them a fish, they eat for the day; Teach them to fish, they eat for a lifetime.”
To that end…make your kids do labor work as children (picking berries, cleaning houses, mowing lawns, etc) so that they can value having to earn vs. being given!!!
Just wondering if you and Mr. Bee would like to adopt a 34 year old mother of 2. Our old car is on it’s last leg so that $25k would come in handy right about ummm….NOW!
If it means you guys back in Washington, YES!!
I suggest making the kids send thank you cards as well. When they are little they can draw, or put stickers on them, or write their name. Then, as they grow older, have them write the note. It makes a BIG difference to the people who send the gifts and teaches that being grateful is a requirement. I send thank you cards and I cannot tell you how many people have been touched and impressed that I did so. It gives them a leg up!
Oh, and enclosing a photo of your kids with the gift (wearing it, playing with it) is also really cool…
I forgot to tell you that you’re a pretty, pretty princess in your photo. My guess: girl!
E