“Me gustaría una rosa, por favor.”

15 Jan

Ladies and Gentlemen…
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Just in case you happen to live under a rock, this season’s Bachelor is Juan Pablo, the sexy latin sexy hot McHotterson who is, uh, super duper sexy.

Please take a minute to appreciate him and all his glory…

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It may not translate through the laptop screen, but this dude makes me ovulate when I watch an episode. Like, my friends and I almost feel like watching the Bach this season together is somehow inappropriate because every scene featuring Juan Pablo, herein referred to as JP because I am way to fucking lazy to type that shit out every two seconds, is so ridiculously attractive and leg-hump-able that he’s turned my favorite weekly show into my own version of 50 Shades of Gray.

Cincuenta sombras de Juan Pablo.

Yum.

Anywho, apparently there are some stupid whores who are attempting to date MY BOYFRIEND JP. I guess I should probably talk about them too.

Whores.

Below are all 27 ladies who started this season (which began a few weeks ago). The photo are courtesy of ABC but I’ve added what I believe to be very insightful commentary on each of these prospective future ex-fiancees of JP.

victoria valerie sharleen renee nikki maggie lucy laurenS laurenH lacy kylie kelly kat elise danielle clare christy christine chelsie chantel cassandraashley andi amyL amyJ alli alexis

 

If you have made it this far, kudos, my friend.

Stick around this season, but I have some EARTH-SHATTERING news coming up on the blog very, very soon. Like my brain has melted out of my ears because I have the best freaking Bachelor-oriented news ever. Just wait. It’s…wait for it… legendario.

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