Laundry Day

29 Oct

In my short term as a parent, I have learned many lessons.

1. No matter how hard you try or how punctual you were before giving birth, children = tardiness. You just have to get used to it and realize that all the other parents will be late, too.

2. You will end up saying “Because I said so” roughly 8 trillion times even though you swore you’d never say that to your kids.

3. When your (or someone else’s) child gets hurt while doing something retarded, it’s better to laugh on the inside and not out loud. Unless you have cool mommy friends, in which case you’ll all be laughing too hard to judge each other for laughing so hard.

4. Television might not be recommended by your pediatrician, but I assure you that your therapist will recommend it after you go insane from putting that Backyardigans puzzle together for the 850th time. Today.

5. There will never again be “a quick run to the store.”

6. When you repeatedly hear “Maa. Maa. Maa. Maa. Maa. Maa. Maa.” remember not to immediately snap and say, “WHAT?!?!?!” Your daughter could simply be making goat sounds. (Oops)

7. No matter how hard you try, you are never going to be able to force your toddler to eat one. more. bite. unless they want to.

8. More recently, I discovered that, although well-intentioned, it might not always be efficient to accept help from your toddler.

Take a few weeks ago for example. Mr. Bee was assisting me in folding some of Bee’s laundry in the family room. Bee immediately wanted to help and started by fetching clothes from Mr. Bee and mimicking us by shaking out each article of clothing.

Figuring that they had everything covered on their own, I snuck away to do something equally as important. Most likely I was watching my “stories” upstairs while eating bon bons.

When I came back in to the room a while later, this is what I found:

laundry helper

Apparently, Bee has her own style of folding laundry which consists of taking a piece of clothing, placing gently on the floor, and stomping the shit out of it until it’s completely flat. Find a new piece of clothing and repeat until the entire floor is covered.

Maybe #9 should be: Always remember to vacuum your floor before letting your daughter “help” with the laundry.

Song title: Laundry Day by Roger Roloff

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