Remember that one time that I wrote about going to the Chinese Needle Torture acupuncturist and being totally stoked about it?
Yeah, well you’ll need to reread that post next week because my acupuncture lady went and got the flu the morning of my appointment.
How rude, right?
After I woke up at the butt crack of dawn to shower and fuss over what outfit to wear, I got a phone call canceling the appointment about five minutes before I was going to leave the house.
Honestly, I didn’t realize how much I was looking forward to it until it was canceled and I was crushed to have to wait until next week to have needles jabbed in me. Seriously, I’m actually really looking forward to it.
But I do need to take a minute to clarify something: I didn’t REALLY think that I was going to have to strip neked and put my feet in stirrups to get needles shoved in to my baby hole, people. I might be weird and crazy but I’m not stupid.
I was going to make a needles in my labia joke just now but after yesterday I’m worried that you people would think that I’m serious.
Oh and sorry for making you read the word “labia”, Dad.
Okay, I just threw up in my mouth a little at the thought of my dad reading that.
Labia jokes aside, I have been reassured by many a reader that I will only have to have needles stuck in my wrists, ankles and/or face.
That’s a relief. (/sarcasm)
On other fertility-related fronts, I have discovered recently that there are two things a woman who is attempting to get knocked up shouldn’t do:
1. Organize and put away all of her daughter’s clothes from when she was a iddle biddy bebe.
2. Finally organize the second “kid’s room” (which requires pretty much setting up the room as a complete nursery).
Don’t get me wrong, the OCD/anal side of me is thrilled to have the room transformed from Baby Junk Dumping Ground to Cletus the Fetus Nursery, but just when I thought I couldn’t crave a baby any more…
WHAM!!
Now I get to pass a pretty little nursery every day just waiting for that goddamn Stork to drop on by.
And sorting through all of those adorable little 6-12 month outfits?
T.O.R.T.U.R.E.
I mean, really.
How could you see these outfits and not have your ovaries go “Squeeeeeeee!!”?
Song title: I Was Only Joking by Rod Stewart
5:59 pm on November 5th, 2009
I now have a 7 month old who took 10 months of actively TTC, to well, finally conceive – and I have the baby bug already. The itty bitty clothes are a huge trigger of mine.
I should really just go burn them all, really.
I’d share what (I think) finally got me knocked up, but its so ridiculous – I couldnt reveal my final act of desperation in a public. (Maybe after a few beers and in an email, try me)
8:26 pm on November 5th, 2009
I think I cry every time I pack up clothes TJ has outgrown. And every time I buy new clothes, I think, “she’ll NEVER be THIS big!” oy!
btw, “labia” and “dad” do not belong in the same sentence.
9:17 pm on November 5th, 2009
I haven’t been able to go through any of the baby clothes myself. They’re all shoved in the walk-in closet just waiting to be sorted. We’re done with baby making and needles in labias and all that good boo-yang. And still…
9:26 pm on November 5th, 2009
I’ve heard if you lay upside down with your legs in the air after having sex you have a better chance of getting pregnant….
8:22 am on November 6th, 2009
Yes, I knew you were joking, of course, about the labia piercings. But I forgot to tell you that when I got acupuncture, it made me react in a way that I never expected. I started bawling–not because it hurt, but it just opened the floodgates and I had a highly emotional release where I cried and cried and cried. I felt so much better afterward (mostly a little embarrassed) and so I just thought you might want to know that emotional releases are common with acupuncture (as opposed to other releases).
12:38 am on November 7th, 2009
Oh snap! I was looking foward to your post today!!
I tagged you over at my blog, be sure to check it out.