Another week, a couple more hearts to break (including mine if Jillian decides to keep that nut-job/foot sexual predator Tanner around). With thirteen men left, Jillian definitely still has her choice of super hawt and awesome (like Ed and Jake) or the uber douche (like Wes and Juan).

This week, our lovely Bachelorette and her clamoring and stammering Bachelors traveled to Jillian’s “hometown” of Vancouver, B.C. Is it just me or wasn’t she from Alberta last season? Bygones.

For those of you not familiar with Vancouver, it is the Jewel of Canada…that’s that really quiet neighbor to the north of us…you know, the one with the bacon and syrup and stuff? Yeah, that one.

Vancouver is also where pretty much anything that ever says it’s filmed in Seattle has been filmed. Twilight? Yep. Harper’s Island? You betcha. The Real World Seattle? Sorry, that one we *were* blessed with…stupid asshats.

Anywho (sorry Kelcey), on their Vancouver visit, the Bachelors will have one one-on-one date, one group date and one…wait for it…Thunderdome date. That’s right, ladies and gents. Two Bachelors enter (not Jillian, of course. This is a family show…), one Bachelor leaves. Forever.

Bum…Bum…BUUUUM!!!!

Unfortunately, this date won’t be held in a giant steel dome…or will it?

Just a quick side note before getting to the dates, anyone interested in making this season a little more interesting? How about a drinking game where you have to drink every time Jillian pronounced “about” as “a boot”? I was considering every time that she generally mispronounces something, but I’m pretty sure we’d be wasted before we even heard, “Last week, on the Bachelorette…”

Let’s cook up some love, Vancouver style…
Kimptyn, our beloved oil man (yeah buddy), scored the one on one date with Jillian and, thank the ABC Producer Gods, they actually had a normal (albeit Pacific Northwestern-ish) date: kayaking, Farmer’s Market, cooking dinner, and then, of course, sitting fireside surrounding by a million candles…okay, maybe that part is stretching it a little. The only time my significant other lights a candle is in the bathroom. ‘Nuf said.

Did anyone else notice that Kimptyn was SO gonna go for the boob grab when they were making out on the floor! Hysterical! You could SEE him hesitate and put his hand down before he did something he would regret! Classic!!

Who can sweep me off my feet?
On the group date, Jesse, Tanner, Jake, Robby, Wes, Ed, Michael, Reid, Juan and David got to compete, in more ways than one.

Jillian took them Curling, which apparently is a lot harder than it looks. Who knew shuffleboard on ice could be that competitive?! The boys had to compete to see which team of dudes would get to continue the date in to the evening.

They had a teeth-clenchingly close game (not really, but I wouldn’t know. I was hardly paying attention. I mean, it was Curling, for Christ’s sake.) but apparently someone did well and five of the ten guys got to go on an evening date.

Jillian donned her best Captain Crunch outfit (plus some Mickey Mouse gloves) for a night on a huge yacht.

Okay, producers, help a girl out and please let Jillian know when her WHITE bra is peeking out from her red shirt, will you? That’s pretty much a girl’s nightmare when wearing a shirt like that. My inner (okay, outer) girlie girl/perfectionist was cringing for her every time she had to adjust and readjust her top to make sure nothing was showing.

Excuse me while I adjust my top…my bra was totally popping out of my dress when I typed that. No joke.

Later, poor Jake, who was label as being “too perfect” had to try to convince Jillian that he actually *is* flawed.. That is the cross we have to bear, my friend.

Jesse gets reassured that he deserves to be there (what is he, a girl? Geesh!) and gets a smooch…and the rose! Well played, Jesse. I think someone (*cough* Jillian *couch*) might have a thing for the perceived underdogs.

Meanwhile, David, the original underdog, is so crass and maybe drunk that he starts going on and on about Jillian’s tits falling out of her shirt. Then he abruptly goes in for an awkward kiss! After an interaction like that? So long, buddy.

To make things even more uncomfortable, Jillian then tries to explain that the “acting kisses” from last week weren’t REAL kisses. Uh, honey? You made out with ten guys that day. Don’t try and fool yourself in to thinking that they were all an act, alright?

But either way, David later told the producers that “…setting me up like that and then turning a cheek on me is challenging me…I think she’s testing me.” Um, does anyone else sense a date rapist in our mist? She really wants it, I swear. She’s just testing me… CREEPY!! Someone please get him on the sexual predator registration with Tanner P. post haste!

Come with me to the top of the world…
The Thunderdome date went to Mike (of the beautiful hair) and Mark (of the wait, who is Mark again?). We are entertained by Chris Harrison’s fancy wordplay “One rose, one stays and one goes,” while the couple(s) head back to complete reality with another helicopter date. Jesus Christ.

After an uncomfortable and boring (yawn) date, Mark got the rose over Mike. I think Mike just laid it on thick and strong. I liked him going in to the date, but every time he opened his mouth I felt like it was just getting worse and worse for him. I guess no freakishly good hair babies for them…

Was it just me or was this last episode freakishly boring just in order to have a larger contrast when the after-the-dates drama came out! Every single commercial break saw me saying, “Seriously?! When are we gonna get to the douchebags with girlfriends drama?!?!?!”

I never said that patience was my strong suit. It’s more of a cocktail dress that I wore pre-pregnancy and since Baby Bee, has never fit again.

Speaking of dresses…that dress that Jillian was wearing to the cocktail hour? Wowzas! I mean, I would want to date her in that dress.

So, here’s the deal with the drama: Tanner P. outs the boys in general to Jillian saying that ’someone’ has admitted to having a girlfriend back at home. He means Wes but doesn’t have the cajones/balls/testicles, if you will, to tell Jillian exactly which Bachelor he is referring to. Jillian, after hearing from multiple guys how some of the dudes here are shady, goes ape shit and calls an end to the cocktail hour early.

There is a super tense nothing-happens-off wherein Jillian confronts the men and, well, nothing happens. A lot of drama for no big money shot in the end. Pretty disappointing, I must say. I love that Jake spoke up trying to out someone and that those two dudes (you know, that guy and that other guy) spoke up about being totally screwed in the deal since they hadn’t gotten any one-on-one time with Jillian yet before the cocktail hour was shut down.

In the end, two other Bachelors joined Mikey on his bus ride home. Thank god, douchey McDoucherton Juan and Anger management David got the boot, right? Wes still bugs the crap out of me (and apparently everyone on the show except Jillian and, well, himself) and I can’t wait to see what goes down when the boys get some alone time after the cocktail hour.

But the best part of the episode? Drowning in the irony of Juan and David (of the oh-my-god-I-hate-Juan-so-much Davids) getting the axe on the same night. I’m loving this shit, y’all.