Hollywood Divorce

16 Jun

Since the majority of traffic on my blog visits this post, I thought I should give you my feelings on the highly debated and obviously very important topic currently on most Americans minds…

The relationship of Jon and Kate Gosselin, from Jon & Kate Plus Eight.

I know it’s no Darfur or Proposition 8, but people are obsessed, okay?

In case you live in a cave or Montana or something (no offense to our Montana Hive), let me introduce you to Jon and Kate Gosselin.

Jon and Kate met in 1997 at the tender young age of 20 (Jon) and 22 (Kate). By 22 and 24, respectively, they were married and one year later, in 2000, Kate gave birth to twins, Maddie and Cara, who were conceived through fertility treatments. Wanting to grow their family even more, through more fertility treatments, Kate gave birth to sextuplets (that’s SIX babies, yo!) in 2004. So as Jon states in a commercial for TLC, he was married by 22, father to twins by 23 and a father of eight by 27. I mean, shit, Jon and Kate are both babies themselves and they have eight kids!

TLC first featured the family in a two-hour special and quickly resulted in a weekly show that has just started its fifth season. Through the show, Kate is known publically as wearing the pants in the relationship, while her husband, Jon, is quite a bit more passive and reluctant to be involved in the show, which has become quite a phenomenon.

First of all, I need to address the whole “having eight billion children” situation. To be honest, as recently as just a few months ago, I would have told you that I thought it was terribly selfish of Jon and Kate to risk having so many children at once just in the hopes that they would add one or two many children to the family. I’m sure that many people who have come from large families turn out just fine, but I couldn’t help but think that these poor little sextuplets wouldn’t get the opportunity to have the one-on-one time with their parents that every child deserves.

But then Mr. Bee and I started trying to get pregnant again. If you marked your calendars correctly, you’d know that we’ve been trying to conceive Baby Numeros Dos for six months now with no Cletus the Fetus in our immediate future (yet).

Surprisingly (sarcasm), I quickly changed my tune. Now, the thought of Bee being an only child makes me so sad for her. I want my baby to have a baby sister or brother, to have that irreplaceable experience of a built in best friend. While we’re obviously still trying to get pregnant au natural, the medical options out there can’t help but infiltrate my thoughts of the future.

I guess what I’m trying to say, quite verbosely, is that I understand now how Jon and Kate could’ve made that decision, that risk, to build the family they had always dreamed of.

Okay, now to the good stuff.

The thing that I have real issue with lately has been the media’s depiction of Kate Gosselin. In fact, let’s deal with each of these ridiculous magazine covers individually:

Monster? Really?!
From what I can tell, apparently in order to be a good mom, you have to look like shit. Because, I mean, really. That before photo? Rough.

But now that Kate actually has time, thanks to helpers, and the money to get her hair done (or “hurr did”), she is a horrible mother? Oh sorry, I meant “Monster”. Give me a fucking break.

All of us moms should take note: stop worrying about your parenting technique immediately. You simply need to gain 50 pounds and disregard all fashion and beauty upkeep to be a good mother.

Oh yes, even though both Jon and Kate decided to have eight billion children and profit (I don’t blame them) from a television show about their lives, KATE is the one exploiting the kids. Why is that Jon can be rumored to have an affair and everyone thinks “Eh, well, Kate IS a bitch…” but if Kate is rumored to have an affair it’s “Oh my god. What a horrible mother, wife, person. She’s a MONSTER!!!”?

Prison of Douchebaggery, maybe. Self-made, of course.
First of all, who doesn’t taunt their husband? Hell, I call Mr. Bee “Eeyore” all the time (mostly because I think it’s funny but also because it’s kind of true).

Secondly, for YEARS Mr. Bee and I gave ourselves a weekly allowance. Ours worked out to a little less than $6 per day. I’m pretty sure that’s called “being financially responsible.” If Jon’s hookers cost more than $5 a day, maybe he needs to save up his weekly allowance.

But really…a “prison”? Since when is a self-made situation considered being stuck in prison?

My favorite part of the above magazine cover is something I didn’t even notice until looking at it for the 18th time. Anyone else notice Jon scratching his belly like Al Bundy? He’s bringing sexy back, that Jon.

Who isn't?
Raise your hand if you are mom and have never been called “mean” by your children before? OR raise your hand if you’ve never taken your kids out of school for a family vacation before? The people at US Weekly (which I’ve never been able to decide: is it “Us” Weekly or U.S. Weekly?) are obviously not parents and, well, delusional. And again, what’s with the photo of Kate in a bikini? Is a well-put-together mom a negative thing nowadays?!

Lastly, I’ve got to take a minute to talk about Jon Gosselin. I understand how paparazzi hanging around would be irritating and invasive. I understand how he is probably going through some major not-even-mid-life crisis. But Jon Gosselin is one of the most selfish, immature and ungrateful fathers I have ever seen (on a reality television program about a family with eight children).

On the show, he complains about having no privacy, Kate always leaving (you know, making MONEY for the gigantor family), and generally is a big whiner. Does he ever reflect on what kind of life they would have if it weren’t for their show? Probably BOTH parents working, trying to make enough money to support a house, food, etc. for a family of TEN. And they probably wouldn’t get to go on vacations or drive around all together in a fucking chauffeured van!! Jon realizes that the average person doesn’t get to spend a day cooking with Emeril, designing cakes with Ace of Cakes, and riding motorcycles with Orange County Choppers, right?

While I watched an old episode the other day, something really struck me as being, well, fucked up. Kate was working in the kitchen, you know, taking care of the food for the whole family by herself, when Jon walked up and asked, “do you need anything?” Kate was so dumbfounded that he actually spoke those words to her that she was struck speechless and gave him a huge enthusiastic hug.

Am I the only one that think it’s ridiculous that he would ask that so little that it’s a national holiday when he does?!

Maybe Kate is a little more Roseanne than June Cleaver, but let’s face it. If Jon would grow a pair and help out instead of taking vacations whenever Kate’s not a book tour (MAKING MONEY FOR THE FAMILY), maybe she could dial it down to Miss Piggy once in a while.

Song title: Hollywood Divorce by Outkast

6 Responses to “Hollywood Divorce”

  1. Betts June 16, 2009 at 5:31 pm #

    Why this non-celebrity couple is on the cover of every celebrity magazine multiple times is beyond me. I’ve really had enough of them. Give me real celebrities. If I want to read about real people, I’ll read blogs for free and not spend money on a magazine.

    Also, having gone through fertility treatment myself, I think ending up with sextuplets show some poor choices on the doctors’ part and the parents. My doctors were very careful about the multiple pregnancy issue by ramping up medicines to see how I responded first and only implanting a certain number of embryos. Having a litter isn’t a forgone conclusion of fertility treatment.

  2. Camille June 16, 2009 at 10:14 pm #

    I wholeheartedly agree with your criticism about US Weekly’s depiction of Kate Gosselin. They seem to have this particularly strong vendetta against the Gosselin family.

    Although, I don’t think Jon is being too selfish. If you were to compare him to the average chump, he’s made huge sacrifices for his family that are simply different from Kate’s and difficult to compare.

    Rather, my take on Jon’s behavior is that he wants something different for their family — a life away from the lime light. Maybe Jon really doesn’t care much for the paid vacations and cooking lessons with Emeril Legasse. (I actually relate to this position more.) On the other hand, Kate seems to embrace their life in front of the cameras and try to make the most of it. Neither view seems necessarily “bad.” It’s just a matter of personal choice.

  3. Rachael June 17, 2009 at 2:52 pm #

    This was a really, really good post. I think you made tons of good points. My personal views on In Vitro are not favorable, but I know that for some people it’s their only option & of course their choice. I don’t think that people should be allowed to have 6, 8, 9 babies growing in them, I think that’s over the edge and puts the moms & babies at risk. However, I don’t think that anyone is really in a place to judge Kate. She has EIGHT KIDS dude. I would be a flipping mess. Getting out of the house and doing interviews & stuff is probably a relief for her.

  4. Lisa June 18, 2009 at 4:26 am #

    Thank you for saying what my friends and I have been saying for months, but only in the privacy of closed doors for fear of being flogged. I just think, yeah, she may be bitchy, but seriously NOTHING would get done in that house if it weren’t for her. If I had nine kids (cuz let’s face it, Jon is one of the kid) I would be pretty bitchy too.

  5. Mr J June 19, 2009 at 1:11 pm #

    Jon can be a d-bag but Kate sure seems to be a jerk…even before all the drama came out, I couldnt believe how she treated her PARTNER on a cable television for all to see.

    If I snapped at my wife with that ‘tude on a consistent basis- Im pretty sure she and all her friends would kick my ass down the street.

    To be a decent person, I think you need to treasure your partner/kids #1, and everything else afterwards…and Im pretty sure for she has it ranked 1) career 2) kids 3) a pile of donkey shit 4) Anything free that she gets 5) Jon


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  1. Grounds for Divorce | Mom to Bee - June 16, 2009

    [...] For more of my thoughts on the Gosselins, check out this recent post! [...]

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