Glitter in the Air

17 Nov

Please excuse the photo-heavy post. When you find crap smoking numbers like these, pictures speak louder than words. Even my words.

Long time readers (because this blog is so old) know that Sissy and I have a family tradition of shopping, a lot, during the holiday season. Last year, we found out about this crazy shopportunity called The Glitter Sale which is held in the huge Seattle/Dearborn branch of the Goodwill.

So here’s the run down: Every year, the Goodwill collects a whole bunch of clothes from lovely donations. Throughout the year, they pull all the clothes with designer labels, things that maybe vintage pieces and (literally) every single thing that has a sequin and/or bead on it (more about that later). Then, in November, they hold The Glitter Sale, where all of these awesome clothes are sold. At Goodwill Prices.

Last year, Sissy and I found a Juicy Couture purse (retail: $100ish) for $3.99. And a pretty bridesmaid/cocktail dress (retail: $170) for $7.99.

But that was child’s play compared to this year.

WTF.Sissy and I meant bidness this year, so we woke up at the butt crack of dawn (that’s 5 a.m. to you civilians) on Saturday. This was against a strongly held belief, nay, life philosophy, I have of never, ever waking up before 7 o’clock. I mean, it was still DARK outside, for Christ’s sake! The horror.

Oh, and did I mention that the bank near my house said it was 28 degrees outside that morning. That would have probably freaked me out if it weren’t for the 25 Xanax I took to prevent any urban pooping issues (trademark!)

Mama and Sissy look nice for the camera.When we arrived at the Goodwill store, it was 6:30 (doors opened at 9) and we were already 73 people back in line! By the time the doors opened, the line was down the building and out toward the street (much like last year).

It always amazes Sissy and I to see people pulling in to the parking lot right before the doors open.

Fucking amateurs.

After spending last year sitting on the hard ground, Sissy and I were much better prepared with chairs, blankets, hot coffee and brass knuckles this year. Don’t be fooled by our sweet demeanor, though. We meant business this year…

Game faces on!

I warned that old bitch.You think I’m joking? We made friends with the ladies in line with us (like we do every year – we are pretty delightful), but by the time the line started moving all bets were off. I told those old broads that I wasn’t above kneeing them in the vagina. And also showed them how I planned on breaking the noses of anyone who tried to cut in line in front of us.

We had a solid strategy this year, which of course went out the window the second we heard that they had changed the sale room’s layout. Once we found out where the designer and vintage stuff would be located, we followed our plan of misinforming all the other people in line to the layout. Muuuahahahaha! Suckers.

When the doors opened, we made a mad dash to the designer rack through the mad throngs of people (I know it’s not PC, but it REALLY sucks to be behind women using walkers – I’m not joking – in a situation like this!). And holy hand grenades, you won’t believe what we found!

They have something for everyone at the Glitter Sale…

Bull killing, anyone?

Always dreamt of being a madator but never had the right apparel?

Fur is cookie monster murder

I'm pretty sure that a Muppet was the inspiration for this lovely jacket.

Okay, I really didn’t purchase those two disgusting pieces (even though they are full of awesomesauce). But I did buy these…


New, with tags, Vera Wang cocktail dress. Retail: $325. Glitter price: $15


Diane Von Furstenberg cocktail dress. Retail: roughly eight bajillion dollars. Glitter price: $25.


Look at this detail!


Calvin Klein Blazer. Retail: $100+? Glitter price: $10

I also got a beautiful Nicole Miller ball gown for $150 (I thought it was only $50 because apparently I never learned how to read) and a GORGEOUS black BCBG cocktail dress that I will be returning. I was going to eBay them, but I don’t want to risk losing the money. mwmw.

But that’s not all, people.

I got shoes. Lots and lots of shoes.

BCBG Heels. Retail: $150+ Glitter price: $15

BCBG Heels. Retail: $150+ Glitter price: $15

Random gold shoes to go with my gold dress. Glitter price: $25

Random gold shoes to go with my gold dress. Glitter price: $10

COACH kitten heel flip flops. Retail: $90+ Glitter sale: $25

COACH kitten heel flip flops. Retail: $90+ Glitter sale: $25

And the piece de resistance…

…wait for it…

…wait for it…

…because I should make this post even longer…

Marc Jacobs pumps. Retail: research says upwards of $700-$1000 (wtf, right?)

Marc Jacobs pumps. Retail: research says upwards of $700-$1000 (wtf, right?)

(Marc Jacobs detail) Glitter price: $150

(Marc Jacobs detail) Glitter price: $150

So in the end, for just these items (because I bought a couple more un-blog-worthy items) I spent about $250 for pieces that are worth roughly $2000!!! Crazy, right?!

If you’re lucky, I’ll remind you all next year when Glitter Sale Mania begins.

But hold on tight to your vaginas, because I’m not above kneeing you in yours after I stomp on your foot and right before I break your nose.

Consider yourselves warned.

You’re welcome.

Tomorrow’s Post: How my two bestest friends aided in me purchasing what could be the most hysterical dress ever. The photos are so full of the awesome that you will definitely pee yourself (and/or others). Guaranteed or your money back.

Song title: Glitter in the Air by P!nk

7 Responses to “Glitter in the Air”

  1. sissy2mom2b November 17, 2009 at 8:31 am #

    I had such a great time. I *kinda* wish that the glitter sale was every weekend.

  2. Melissa Fredericks November 17, 2009 at 8:58 am #

    OK, I want in next year!

  3. Erin November 17, 2009 at 9:01 am #

    Dangit! I hate that I live so for away now. I could be practicing my vagina-kneeing skills all year to be prepared for Glitter, but apparently, Seattle is the only place to offer such dangerous shopping experiences.

  4. unbride November 18, 2009 at 3:55 am #

    SHUTTHEFRONTDOOR! Why didn’t you call me? I would have flown up there for this shit! And, I would have fought to the death or maybe just kicked you in the vagina for that DVF dress. And those MJ shoes. Biatch! I would hate you, but I like your blog too much.

  5. Betts November 22, 2009 at 11:42 am #

    It was all I could do not to pass out while I was reading this. Your deals made me weak with envy.

Trackbacks and Pingbacks

  1. Glitter in the Air (Day Two) | Mom to Bee - November 18, 2009

    [...] or maybe because of, all our fantastic purchases on the first day of the Goodwill Glitter Sale, Sissy and I decided to brave the crowds again for Day Two of the Glitter [...]

  2. Red Plum | Mom to Bee - November 23, 2009

    [...] First of all, most importantly, I totally rocked my Marc Jacob heels. [...]

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