Four Years Old

9 Jun

Most people warn you about the Terrible Twos.

“Ha!” you say. “The Terrible Threes are the worst!”

Well, I call Bullshit. With a capital Bee.

You see, my daughter turned four in April and during the last month she has been horrible. Well, horrible doesn’t quite cover it.

It’s like if you took a lioness on her period, starved her for a week and then got her hopped up on Red Bull and Four Loko and then placed her in a room full of helpless little puppies.

It’s a blood bath.

And if you didn’t understand the analogy, I’m the unsuspecting puppies.

One minute she’s snuggling the shit out of me and saying things like, “Mom? You know what?” ((pause for an ungodly amount of time for dramatic purposes I’m assuming)) “I love you to the moon and stars.”

And just as my heart begins to melt in to a puddle, the hyper/drunk lioness on the rag comes out.

Today, she screamed for a half hour because I wouldn’t rock her like a baby before her nap like her father did last night before bed. Thanks, honey.

Yesterday, she had a my-life-is-coming-to-an-end screaming fit because she didn’t want to wear socks with her tennis shoes, yet didn’t want to wear her tennis shoes without socks.

I know she’s only four years old, but come on! Even she has got to admit her faulty (and fucking ridiculous) logic.

Oh, and did I mention that her tantrum today (about the rocking/I can’t sleep without Mommy or Daddy because I’m a baby) woke up her sleeping baby brother? Yeah, people almost died.

The topper is that all the tantrums relate to her not being able to do a goddamn thing independently since turning four.

That’s right. No going potty by herself. No dressing herself. Sometimes even refusing to feed herself.

Until now, Mom and Dad were playing nice. Firm, but nice.

Well, now the big guns come out.

I suspect that there will be a great many screaming fits coming from her room as I plan to semi-permanently banish her there come the next blowout.

But, hey. Maybe now I’ll have more time to blog…

Song title: Four Years Old by Adam Sandler

4 Responses to “Four Years Old”

  1. Keegan June 9, 2011 at 9:05 am #

    Some friends have a four year old who is having a tough time doing anything she’s told. In fact, she’ll do the exact opposite of what she’s told, specifically in the moment. Example: “Honey, would you please stop playing in the dirt?” She’ll then proceed to egg-beater her hands in the dirt, just for added emphasis on the fact that she’s defying you!

    Bedtime is the best, though. Hysterical crying fits, blood curdling screams, and object after object hitting the door in a pretty decent rhythym. Our friends usually let her wind down and she falls asleep on her own. On nights when it’s apparent she’s being aided by powers not of this realm, they have to get the car seat and strap her in. I wonder where one enters submissions for naming the next hurricane. I have a good one.

    All this being said, she’s pretty darned cute and sweet the rest of the time. Thank GOD!

    Hang in there, this can’t last forever, right?

  2. sissy2mom2bee June 9, 2011 at 10:23 am #

    My two oldest were darlings at 4. Who knows what’s gonna happen with S…. Here’s my theory with B. She’s getting it all out now, because the first two years of her life she barely fussed at all…..

  3. Kristen June 9, 2011 at 8:20 pm #

    What. The. Fuck.

    Someone told me it got better at four and I’ve been holding out hope for Beanie’s birthday at the end of the month.

  4. Evangeline June 13, 2011 at 3:54 pm #

    Where have you been all my life? I heart you…

    Also, WHAT?! It gets HARDER? That’s TOTAL BS. I so did not sign up for this.

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