Five Minutes of Funk

19 Oct

So I’ve totally been in a funk the last week or so.

There are many things I could blame it on:

1. Mr. Bee was gone on business trips pretty much all last week. That might explain my “Calgon, please take me the fuck away” Facebook updates all week.

2. I’ve fallen back in to my “friend paranoia” cycles again and with the help of The Almighty Savior my therapist and, you know, realizing that I’m a stupid nutcase that probably puts way too much importance on each and every one of my friends loving me so much that they want to give me their second borns, I’m finally getting over it. Really.

3. My crazy town nurse decided to add another medication in to the mix to help with my daily anxiety. Funny story though…it actually brought my stomach issues back with a vengeance! Seriously, I had eastern European dudes taking hostages in my bowels. True story. I had to call Bruce Willis to help and everything.

In addition to all my retardedness, I’ve also become completely obsessed with finding advertising and sponsors for the blog. Mostly, I just want someone to pay for my trip to Blogher ’10 next year. ‘Cause I really want to share drugs and get drunk with The Bloggess perfect my craft.

I’ve found it to be increasingly difficult to find companies that would want to stand behind this POS of a website (let alone attach their name to it). The selection of companies is limited to (1) trucking companies, (2) colonoscopy/medical supply companies, (3) any business selling dildos and lube, or (4) Volkswagen Automotive Group (hehe, V.A.G. get it?!)

But in case anyone out their has any sort of contacts in the “industry”, I’m really searching for a company to sponsor a bad ass mini netbook to take on the trip, since everyone will be glued to their laptops the whole time! I also am just generally hoping to trade advertising on the site for funding to go to the conference.

So, like I do every time I get a case of the borings, I promise I’ll bring you some funny this week…

Coming soon to a YouTube theater near you: Bee singing Your Song by Elton John. Maybe even dressed up like an octopus, too. I mean, what could be funkier than that?

Song title: Five Minutes of Funk by Whodini

4 Responses to “Five Minutes of Funk”

  1. Mira October 19, 2009 at 9:15 am #

    So easy to get into a funk, so hard to climb the hell out of. And somehow it takes days to recognize you’re even in one, have you found that to be the case? I suddenly look back on 2 or 3 days and go, “oh crap, I’m in a funk.” Could get better faster if the recognition kicked in a bit quicker.

    Hope you pull out of it in record time!

  2. Kassia October 19, 2009 at 9:23 am #

    Wish I could help!! How about some time reading a crap blog about my life?

  3. Jenny, Bloggess October 20, 2009 at 8:05 am #

    I’m totally ready to “perfect my craft” more. Get a sponsor, quick.

  4. Patman October 21, 2009 at 1:30 pm #


    Your blog was funny at first but I think you’re trying too hard now. And after awhile I found that I don’t really care what’s shooting out of your ass. You’re a talented writer with a great sense of humor. From your recent posts I get the sense that you are worrying now about pleasing your readers rather than writing to please yourself. Good luck on getting knocked up. I hope your therapy works.

    The Patman

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