Cow’s Placenta to Armageddon

Wow.

That is all I have to say about today’s song title.

Wow. And awesome.

Okay, those are the TWO things I want to say about today’s song title.

Wow, awesome, and who the fuck are Alice Donut?

Okay, there are THREE things I wanted to say about today’s song title…

Anywho, for those of you who have been following along in The Days of My Placenta, I finally got in for my follow up ultrasound and the results are…

…drum roll please…

…my placenta is no longer falling out of my vagina!!!

[canned applause]

I gotta say that I will miss all the jokes about my exposed placenta and the idea of leaving a slug-like placenta trail on the ground wherever I go.

Shut up, I never said my sense of humor was classy (shocker, right?)…

(Un)fortunately, that means that I am also off “pelvic rest”.

“Yay.” (read so heavy with sarcasm that it makes you spontaneously lose control of your bowels)

However, there is this hilarious phenomenon that I discovered while on “pelvic rest” that I won’t miss. I have decided to call the “What Would Mr. Bee Say” Manifestation. It typically occurs while accompanied by a friend during some sort of minor activity including, but not limited to, lifting anything weighing more than a feather, managing more than one child at a time, having to exert myself at all (which may play a part in the fact that I gained EIGHT POUNDS last month. Well, maybe the Nom Nom Nom played a part too…)

My slight exertion will cause any friend within ear range to scream “Stop! I’ll do it!” and when I ask why, the response is a scripted “What would Mr. Bee say?! He would KILL me if I let you do that!!”

Apparently his craziness has proceeded him. Or maybe it’s just contagious.

Either way, hopefully people will start letting me be active sometime soon, because I’m transitioning from this:

to this:

fast.

Song title: Cow’s Placenta to Armageddon by Alice Donut