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Bag Lady

23 Jan

Recently I got tagged by Pearl at Pearls of Wisdom in a meme (what is a meme, anywho?). It was created by Beth at Total Mom Haircut and is all about purses, so really, how can I say ‘no’?

Here’s what you/I have to do:

    (1) Post a picture of whatever bag you are carrying as of late. No, you cannot go up to your closet and pull out that cute little purse you used back before you had kids. I want to know what you carried today (or the last time you left the house).

    (2) I want to know how much it cost :) And this is not to judge, because I’m honestly telling you I was ready to put down some cash; I just got lucky. This is for entertainment purposes only. So spill it. And if there is a story to go along with how you obtained it, I’d love to hear it.

    (3) Tag some chicks. And link back to this post so people know why the heck you’re showing everyone your diaper bag/non-diaper bag.

This Tag/Meme/Schmeme/Whatever It Is comes at the perfect time because I was *just* switching over from full diaper bagness to something a bit more compact/convenient. I’ve been convinced for the last year that the one time I don’t take the diaper bag out, that will be the one day that Baby Bee decides to shit all over herself. Luckily, since that hasn’t happened is a loooong time, I think I’m good to make the switch!

So this is my beautiful Purse O’ the Moment:
Pretty pretty
She’s Coach and was discovered sitting on a lonely shelf at the Seattle Premium Outlets by Sissy, my sissy. Okay, she wasn’t lonely. She actually has a twin who lives at Sissy’s house. Yeah, we have matching sweaters, shirts, Uggs, husbands, purses…

I think my favorite part of the purse is the lining:
Oooooh, purple.It’s so Springy! I really need to get one of those cute little scarves that they tie on Coach purses to spruce up the outside a bit. Hmmm…I smell a shopping trip in my future…

This little beauty was marked down from $428 to something in the $200s and then it was on Clearance. We ended up getting them for about $125 each. Score, right?!

Sissy was in the checkout line that snaked through the store ready to buy the purse for herself when she decided I might like one. She called me on the phone and said, “Uh, there is a really cute purse marked down from $428 to $125. I’m getting one. You want one?” “Dur.” I replied. (Okay, actual I needed some convincing because I knew I probably didn’t *need* it and I wasn’t sure on the color situation). Needless to say, Mr. Bee was not quite as thrilled when I put down the phone and said cheerily, “I just got a new Coach purse!!”

Sissy then had to make a worker at the store go and fetch her another one. Sadly, we left their sole remaining sibling on the shelf. Someday, when our purses are old enough to understand, we’ll explain to them why we loved them enough to adopt them, but not enough to save their sibling. (Coming Soon to a Lifetime Channel for Women near you!)

I thought I’d share all the goodies that I carry in my purse on a daily basis:
All my shitMan, that looks really sparse online, huh? All I got is:

    - my wallet (another thing from Sissy)
    - two business card holders: one for my “You Are A Douche” cards, and one for my actual business cards (I try my best to not get them mixed up)
    - my brand new Diapee Wipees (gawd, I hate that name). One day I saw those and thought, “What a fab idea! There’s no way in hell I’m spending $15 on one of those! I’ll just make one myself.” Well, $20 and a super failed craft project later, I finally coughed up the $15 on one. Sigh.
    - tissues (with a wedding cake topped with bride and groom on them – gag me, right?)
    - my beloved Crackberry
    - eye drops
    - my Coach pill holder, containing my cherished Advil, Tylenol, Pepto, Mr. Bee’s meds
    - half-eaten roll of Life Savers
    - Chanel long wear lipstick. I LOVE that stuff.
    - a pen. Usually it’s my fancy Tiffany one that I got as a gift, but that one must be currently residing in a some discarded purse.

Can you believe how much stuff fits in to this purse?!
Room for more!
Alrighty then. Now it’s tag time. I hereby, by the power vested and whatnot, tag:

    - Sara at The McGowan Foursome
    - Guwi at Sometimes I Think Funny Things
    - Jen at Absolutely Bananas
    - Betts at Damn Yankee
    - Daniel at Daily Spewage of a Bitter Mind (Cuz he always gets left out since he doesn’t have a vagina – as far as I know.)

Oh, and this is for you, Pearl:

Fuckity fuck fuck. ;)

Song title: Bag Lady by Audio Adrenaline

Make Yourself Comfortable

2 Dec

Yeah. I looked *just* like this chick...Juicy or Janky?
At what point does dressing comfortably cross the line to going shopping in your pajamas? Even though I was all fashioned out yesterday, the moment I got out of the car with Baby Bee to do some errands I had a wave of fear wash over me. “Did I forget to change out of my pajamas before leaving the house?!?!” I thought.

You do the math:
1 Juicy Couture Track Suit + 1 pair of Uggs = 1 fashionable mom wearing sweats and slippers.

Song title: Make Yourself Comfortable by Bette Midler

Shopping Spree

27 Nov

Happy Turkey Day!

'I'm so cute!'
Gobble, gobble.

Sissy and I are heading out the door for some Midnight Madness shopping! The only hitch is that the outlet mall that we’ll be doing the shopping at is about an hour and a half away from my house! So I’ll be out the door around 9:30pm and hope to be home by 3am!! I’ll fill you in on out wacky antics tomorrow afternoon (when I wake up!)

Song title: Shopping Spree by Atom and His Package

Let’s Go To the Mall

18 Nov

Goodwill Glitter Sale 2008
Bright and early Saturday morning, Sissy and I stood in line for more than two hours in the freezing cold to be one of the first in line for Seattle Goodwill’s 25th Anniversary Glitter Sale. Supposedly, every year Goodwill saves up all the designer donations they receive and put on this huge event to raise money for their work program. Even though we’ve lived in the Seattle area for 25+ years, this is the first we’d ever heard of this gigantic “designer” fundraising event so we thought we’d check it out.

I’m not one to participate in anything without doing some thorough reconnaissance, so I researched the crap out of this event. I quickly found out that the Glitter Sale is comparable to those crazy wedding gown sales you hear about in New York. People in attendance mean business and you better be prepared. Tips for the sale included:

*Wear a slip, body suit or swimsuit to try on clothing; there are no fitting rooms.
While most people just didn’t have any modesty and changed right there in the aisle (I totally would’ve done the same thing if I would’ve found anything needing trying on), a lot of people dressed as if ready to perform an interpretive dance at the local amateur theatre.

I wish like this:

But, in reality, more like this:
*When you arrive in the special sales area, grab a blue tote bin to carry your purchases; shopping carts and personal bags are not allowed.
I don’t know who in the Goodwill association thought that giant plastic bins would be a brilliant idea in a room stuffed to the gills with crazed shoppers. I can’t even count how many of these damned bins I got shoved in to my back. Even worse, some people thought it’d be brilliant to carried the bins on their heads, which would have been fine if these particular people weren’t midgets. Being slightly taller than the women in there, I had to constantly duck and weave to avoid getting a bin in the face.

*Rehang clothes you don’t intend to buy.
Yeah, I’ll get right on that.

*The store gets crowded, so be conscious of the comfort and safety of others; running is not allowed.
This rule is like telling Baby Bee not to shove her finger up her nose, your nose, any nose. As much as you try to stop it, it’s just gonna happen anyway.

Word around town was that last year about 300 people were lined up before the doors opened at 9 a.m. Not wanting to be near the end of the line, but not knowing really what to expect, I headed out the door around 6 o’clock in the morning the day of the sale. When Sissy and I got in line, we were roughly 40 people back in line. By 9 a.m., the line had more than ONE THOUSAND PEOPLE in it! It went down the side of the warehouse-sized building, out to the street, and down the street!

“Holy crap balls!” we thought. This place must be the shiz! When the doors opened, all hell broke loose and Sissy and I were shoved in to the madness. We headed to the “Vintage” room first.

Dear Goodwill Vintage Fashion Coordinator,
I am no fashion expert, but I’m 90% sure that Jessica Simpson shoes are
vintage. In fact, these shoes are maybe two years old at most. If two years old = vintage, my entire wardrobe consists of fossils. I’m guessing that Betsy Johnson, Jimmy Choos and Escada don’t fit in to the vintage category either. For the future, it would make things a lot clearer for customers if you entitled this room “The Vintage and Designer Label Room”. But calling Jessica heels “designer” is even a stretch…
Good luck next year,
The irate and bitching customer who was complaining about the shitty clothes

From all the press this event got, I was obviously expecting rows upon rows of sweet designer shoes and purses. My goal was to find a pair of Jimmy Choos or Chanel purse and then gloat to everyone I see that I got them for a fraction of their retail price. To give them credit, they did have two pairs of Choos (one was sooo fugly and the other wasn’t my size). However, everything else looked like this:

Really, I shit you not. I’ve never seen so much velvet and bedazzling in my life! Sissy and I watch all these people smile and share their stories about what great stuff they had scored, but we’d look in their bins and were simply puzzled about what they were so excited about.

Luckily, I did find a few hidden gems which I’m pretty excited about. I was even more excited when I found out how much money I saved! I got this Bill Levkoff Bridesmaid/Cocktail dress to wear to some upcoming weddings that I get to attend as a guest this winter!

Retail Price: $170+

Price at Glitter: $7.99

We also found a Juicy Couture purse. It was a little too pink and tweeny for us, so Sissy gave it to my niece. It’s a little crazy to see an almost five-year old carrying around a Juicy purse that some adults would die for, but they don’t realize how much it cost us!

Retail Price: $100+

Price at Glitter: $2.99

Lastly, I found a really pretty Nordstrom metallic gold knit skinny scarf thing (the kind of scarf that is more of an accessory). I figure that it retails for at least $80, but I bought it for $8!

To finish up our weekend, we also went to the Supermall’s Magical Night of Giving. We knew it’d be all Christmas-ey and was a fundraiser, but what we didn’t know is that all the stores would have ridonkulous sales!! The Banana Republic Outlet had an additional 30% off everything in the store! So, uh, needless to say, Sissy and I bought way too much, but now have some super cute clothes for the holiday season!

So much for being thrifty, huh. Does it count that I bought approximately $600 of clothes and accessories for $200? I saved us money, right?

Song title: Let’s Go To the Mall by Robin Sparkles
Extra points for knowing who Robin Sparkles is!

Girls In Their Summer Clothes

29 Jul

Today I went to the new Westfield Shoppingtown Southcenter (aka: The Southcenter Mall) with Sissy, Niece, Baby Nephew, Baby Bee and one of the Sissy’s high school friends and daughter.

It’s so pretty.

The mall just had it’s grand re-opening last weekend and it’s apparently at least the biggest mall in Western Washington. And they’ve added some great new stores! We really blew through the place today but here is a list of the stores that I must visit soon (or else):

Banana Republic
Yes, I’ve been there before, but the closest store used to be all the way up in Seattle! Let’s just say that Mr. Bee will be trying on a lot of clothes this weekend when I force him to go shopping with me!

Bare Escentuals
I love this makeup. I pretty much just use the foundation stuff and haven’t really explored the blush/eye makeup stuff. LOVE it.

I’ve heard mixed reviews about H&M but have never been in before so I can’t be judgy yet. Sigh.

Ju Jubes
This place looks like it will either be super awesomely rad or a huge disappointment. I’m hoping for super killer fashion that makes me feel like I’m wearing expensive clothes, but in actuality only costs me $1.00.

Love Culture
I perused this place briefly today and it pretty much looks like Forever 21, but I think I need to visit again to really make sure. Oh, and what the hell is up with this “XXI forever” new look of Forever 21?! You’re not kidding anybody, people! You can use shiny silver Roman numerals all you want. We still know you have crappy, disposable clothes. (But we secretly love you anyway.)
White House/Black Market
Another store that was only up in Seattle previously. I find this place a little hit and miss but I always give it a chance.

I’ve also found a few new cool shops in…you’ll never guess…ENUMCLAW! For those of you non-Washingtonians, to get to Enumclaw you must drive south to the Boonies, turn left and head towards No Where Fast and you find it on your left just after Where The Fuck Are We-Ville.

One of the Bunco ladies gave me a tip about a little shop called Over The Edge. Sissy and I checked it out on Friday but it was during the Enumclaw Street Fair and was super crazy busy (you know, with the 25 people that attended the Enumclaw Street Fair). I hope to go back soon sans Baby so I can actually try things on without having to do a little half-naked dance to entertain her/keep her from fussing.

On my way out of town, I saw a store called Suburban Soul that looks pretty rad too. Who would ever think that I would be trying to schedule Mama-free-time so I can go to Enumclaw. Seriously.

Song title: Girls In Their Summer Clothes by Bruce Springsteen