Despite, or maybe because of, all our fantastic purchases on the first day of the Goodwill Glitter Sale, Sissy and I decided to brave the crowds again for Day Two of the Glitter Sale.

Can I just point out that I not only woke up on a Saturday morning at the butt crack of dawn, but I did it the next day as well? I should be getting a medal or something. A trophy maybe. Like one of those little ones with a bowler on it (I’m not picky).

Anywho and whatnot, like I said before, Sissy and I ain’t amateurs so on Day Two we brought reinforcements in the form of my friend, who I’ll call Arla-Shay for the sake of anonymity.

When you see the photos below, you’ll understand why I use pseudonyms on the blog. Trust me.

So Sissy, Arla-Shay and I got to Goodwill at 6:30 and hunkered down for 2+ hours of  “tap, tap, place backs” and vague physical threats to other people in line with us.

Comforters and folding chairs are my friends.

The awesome part was, while the items weren’t as super fantabulous as Saturday’s had been, this time we weren’t #73 and #74 in line either! We were actually #2, 3 and 4 on Day Two! Wooo Hooo! Eat my dust suckers!

Don't ask me why that woman in front of us is leaning so far away. We didn't stink *that* bad.

After looking over every. single. item in the store about five million times (and finding a kick ass shiny brooch/pin thingy that said “Jesus” really big on it, which I promptly forgot about when it was time to pay for all your items. I will find you again Jesus Pin. You complete me.), the three of us headed to the Dress Section.

Now, the Dress Section is largely comprised of wedding gowns, prom dresses and bridesmaids dresses with maybe a few cocktail dresses thrown in for good measure.

However, all of these dresses appeared to be made in 1982.

Seriously.

As you could probably guess, after finding a few dresses that made us vomit in our mouths (individually, that is. We weren’t vomiting in each other’s mouths because that’s just unsanitary), it quickly became a contest of who could find the most disgusting dress and try it on.

See, I plan on having a Christmas party in about a month and once we decided that it might have to have a theme (working title: Formal Festivus Glitter Prom), our game of finding disgusting dresses to try on over our four layers of clothing (which worked really well) turned in to a quest to find a trio of horrid gowns that would be Formal Festivus Glitter Prom appropriate. Because there will be a strict dress code. And hopefully a balloon arch.

I think that chick behind Arla-Shay is ferociously jealous of her fabulousness.

I’m convinced that Arla-Shay was purposely moving her head at light speed in order to not be clearly photographed wearing this sparkly, heavily shoulder-padded number (Shoulder pads quickly became Priority #1 in our dress choices).

Which is better: the back of the dress or that woman's floral embroidered jean jacket?

The sexy backless-ness quickly became another High Priority Detail.

The hills are alive with the sound of music...

It’s really hard to tell in this photo of Sissy, but this dress was a total freakish combination of Jasmine from Aladdin and Maria from the Sound of Music. In fact, I’m pretty sure that it was made from some really horrible curtains.

This *had* to have been someone's '80's bridesmaids dress, right?

I have something so shameful to admit. While it’s obviously horrible (it has puffy lace sleeves, for Christ’s sake), we couldn’t help but kind of love this dress. It was totally flattering (it probably helped that I needed like 12 people to help zip it up) and the color was really pretty in person.

I feel like I should turn in my unofficial Wannabe Fashionista card for admitting to that previous statements. Let’s all just pretend it never happened, okay?

As if this wasn't gorgeous enough, check out that off-the-shoulder awesomeness!

I’m starting to notice that large floral embroidered jean jacket lady is in almost every photo with us. It’s starting to really creep me out…

Now, I’m sure this will slightly ruin the surprise for some, but I simply couldn’t hold a photo of this beauty back.

Oh sweet beady and sequiny goodness. Just look at those sleeves!

You will have to wait for a holiday party recap to see this piece of Goodwill Glitter Gold on me, though…

How’s that for a cliffhanger?

Song title: Glitter in the Air by P!nk

Please excuse the photo-heavy post. When you find crap smoking numbers like these, pictures speak louder than words. Even my words.

Long time readers (because this blog is so old) know that Sissy and I have a family tradition of shopping, a lot, during the holiday season. Last year, we found out about this crazy shopportunity called The Glitter Sale which is held in the huge Seattle/Dearborn branch of the Goodwill.

So here’s the run down: Every year, the Goodwill collects a whole bunch of clothes from lovely donations. Throughout the year, they pull all the clothes with designer labels, things that maybe vintage pieces and (literally) every single thing that has a sequin and/or bead on it (more about that later). Then, in November, they hold The Glitter Sale, where all of these awesome clothes are sold. At Goodwill Prices.

Last year, Sissy and I found a Juicy Couture purse (retail: $100ish) for $3.99. And a pretty bridesmaid/cocktail dress (retail: $170) for $7.99.

But that was child’s play compared to this year.

Sissy and I meant bidness this year, so we woke up at the butt crack of dawn (that’s 5 a.m. to you civilians) on Saturday. This was against a strongly held belief, nay, life philosophy, I have of never, ever waking up before 7 o’clock. I mean, it was still DARK outside, for Christ’s sake! The horror.

Oh, and did I mention that the bank near my house said it was 28 degrees outside that morning. That would have probably freaked me out if it weren’t for the 25 Xanax I took to prevent any urban pooping issues (trademark!)

When we arrived at the Goodwill store, it was 6:30 (doors opened at 9) and we were already 73 people back in line! By the time the doors opened, the line was down the building and out toward the street (much like last year).

It always amazes Sissy and I to see people pulling in to the parking lot right before the doors open.

Fucking amateurs.

After spending last year sitting on the hard ground, Sissy and I were much better prepared with chairs, blankets, hot coffee and brass knuckles this year. Don’t be fooled by our sweet demeanor, though. We meant business this year…

You think I’m joking? We made friends with the ladies in line with us (like we do every year – we are pretty delightful), but by the time the line started moving all bets were off. I told those old broads that I wasn’t above kneeing them in the vagina. And also showed them how I planned on breaking the noses of anyone who tried to cut in line in front of us.

We had a solid strategy this year, which of course went out the window the second we heard that they had changed the sale room’s layout. Once we found out where the designer and vintage stuff would be located, we followed our plan of misinforming all the other people in line to the layout. Muuuahahahaha! Suckers.

When the doors opened, we made a mad dash to the designer rack through the mad throngs of people (I know it’s not PC, but it REALLY sucks to be behind women using walkers – I’m not joking – in a situation like this!). And holy hand grenades, you won’t believe what we found!

They have something for everyone at the Glitter Sale…

Always dreamt of being a madator but never had the right apparel?

I'm pretty sure that a Muppet was the inspiration for this lovely jacket.

Okay, I really didn’t purchase those two disgusting pieces (even though they are full of awesomesauce). But I did buy these…

New, with tags, Vera Wang cocktail dress. Retail: $325. Glitter price: $15

Diane Von Furstenberg cocktail dress. Retail: roughly eight bajillion dollars. Glitter price: $25.

Look at this detail!

Calvin Klein Blazer. Retail: $100+? Glitter price: $10

I also got a beautiful Nicole Miller ball gown for $150 (I thought it was only $50 because apparently I never learned how to read) and a GORGEOUS black BCBG cocktail dress that I will be returning. I was going to eBay them, but I don’t want to risk losing the money. mwmw.

But that’s not all, people.

I got shoes. Lots and lots of shoes.

BCBG Heels. Retail: $150+ Glitter price: $15

Random gold shoes to go with my gold dress. Glitter price: $10

COACH kitten heel flip flops. Retail: $90+ Glitter sale: $25

And the piece de resistance…

…wait for it…

…wait for it…

…because I should make this post even longer…

Marc Jacobs pumps. Retail: research says upwards of $700-$1000 (wtf, right?)

(Marc Jacobs detail) Glitter price: $150

So in the end, for just these items (because I bought a couple more un-blog-worthy items) I spent about $250 for pieces that are worth roughly $2000!!! Crazy, right?!

If you’re lucky, I’ll remind you all next year when Glitter Sale Mania begins.

But hold on tight to your vaginas, because I’m not above kneeing you in yours after I stomp on your foot and right before I break your nose.

Consider yourselves warned.

You’re welcome.

Tomorrow’s Post: How my two bestest friends aided in me purchasing what could be the most hysterical dress ever. The photos are so full of the awesome that you will definitely pee yourself (and/or others). Guaranteed or your money back.

Song title: Glitter in the Air by P!nk

I love planning things.

Weddings, parties, and even especially vacations.

“Well, of course,” you say. “Everyone plans their own vacations.”

Um, yeah. Not as much as I do.

See, for the last week, I have been kind of freaking out because I haven’t completely planned my entire wardrobe for next week’s trip to Vegas. But don’t get me wrong, I’ve planned plenty…

That’s right. That’s my Excel spreadsheet of the clothes I am planning to wear on vacation.

Just so you know how super crazy I am, the spreadsheet not only includes a general packing list, which luggage I’ll be taking with me and each day’s outfits, it outlines exactly what we’re doing each day and the three, oh yeah, THREE outfits I need each day. Not including pajamas.

Over-thinking things just a bit? Yeah, I’d say so.

But because I’m totally obsessed with it, I’ve decided to use the blog to chronicle what I plan on wearing each day (or at least the super cute outfits I’ll be wearing, because who really cares about the stupid pool outfits).

So the first day I’ve themed as a “Legally Blonde goes to Vegas” travel day. For some reason, I really like dressing up to go on a short plane trip. Somehow, it just makes me feel more special to walk through the airport sporting a super fab outfit.

The second night we’re in town, we’ll be hitting the clubs. We’re having a special night in honor of the Bachelorette where each girl wears a little animal print. This is the outfit that has been giving me a special kind of ulcer. I originally got a zebra print tank top, but realized that it was just too plain and I am an Epic Fail when it comes to accessorizing. Needless to say, if anyone here in the Hive has any suggestions, I am more than open to them!

My Bad Kitty Accessories

Despite the hours (seriously, people, HOURS) of searching for something to wear, I’ve finally decided on this:

I know I still need some accessories…maybe a big chunky black necklace? Or big gold hoops and a long, hoopie gold necklace? And then do I wear the black accessories or these?

The final evening will be the cutest with the help of Sissy’s personal styling (well, the cute plaid dress is hers, too!). I borrowed this dress from her and then ended up finding it (on sale, SCORE!) and buying one for myself, too! Isn’t it so cute?

There you have it. My way over-thought wardrobe for Vegas. Factoring in the casual outfits for mid-day, pool outfits, purses to match each outfit and the normal day-to-day supplies, I’m pretty sure I’ll need some help getting through the airport…

Did I mention that I’ll only be there for 4 days?

PS: This post was WAY too much fun to create. Sigh. I need help.

Song title: The Master Plan by Dream Warriors

As my friends can attest to, Mr. Bee decided to let himself go during the last month. So much so, that during a recent birthday fiesta, many of my friends didn’t even recognize him! He seriously looked like the Uni-bomber or something!!

Don’t believe me? Check it out for yourself!!

But after countless hours of nagging, he finally got a much needed hair cut and shaved that German Shepherd off his face.

I am hoping that all the compliments he got after the Extreme Head Makeover will keep him on the stylish side of things. If he resorts back to Mountain Man, I may have to let him get a glimpse of me without all the hours of spackling and manipulation that goes in to crafting this:

Recently I got tagged by Pearl at Pearls of Wisdom in a meme (what is a meme, anywho?). It was created by Beth at Total Mom Haircut and is all about purses, so really, how can I say ‘no’?

Here’s what you/I have to do:

(1) Post a picture of whatever bag you are carrying as of late. No, you cannot go up to your closet and pull out that cute little purse you used back before you had kids. I want to know what you carried today (or the last time you left the house).

(2) I want to know how much it cost And this is not to judge, because I’m honestly telling you I was ready to put down some cash; I just got lucky. This is for entertainment purposes only. So spill it. And if there is a story to go along with how you obtained it, I’d love to hear it.

(3) Tag some chicks. And link back to this post so people know why the heck you’re showing everyone your diaper bag/non-diaper bag.

This Tag/Meme/Schmeme/Whatever It Is comes at the perfect time because I was *just* switching over from full diaper bagness to something a bit more compact/convenient. I’ve been convinced for the last year that the one time I don’t take the diaper bag out, that will be the one day that Baby Bee decides to shit all over herself. Luckily, since that hasn’t happened is a loooong time, I think I’m good to make the switch!

So this is my beautiful Purse O’ the Moment:

She’s Coach and was discovered sitting on a lonely shelf at the Seattle Premium Outlets by Sissy, my sissy. Okay, she wasn’t lonely. She actually has a twin who lives at Sissy’s house. Yeah, we have matching sweaters, shirts, Uggs, husbands, purses…

I think my favorite part of the purse is the lining:
It’s so Springy! I really need to get one of those cute little scarves that they tie on Coach purses to spruce up the outside a bit. Hmmm…I smell a shopping trip in my future…

This little beauty was marked down from $428 to something in the $200s and then it was on Clearance. We ended up getting them for about $125 each. Score, right?!

Sissy was in the checkout line that snaked through the store ready to buy the purse for herself when she decided I might like one. She called me on the phone and said, “Uh, there is a really cute purse marked down from $428 to $125. I’m getting one. You want one?” “Dur.” I replied. (Okay, actual I needed some convincing because I knew I probably didn’t *need* it and I wasn’t sure on the color situation). Needless to say, Mr. Bee was not quite as thrilled when I put down the phone and said cheerily, “I just got a new Coach purse!!”

Sissy then had to make a worker at the store go and fetch her another one. Sadly, we left their sole remaining sibling on the shelf. Someday, when our purses are old enough to understand, we’ll explain to them why we loved them enough to adopt them, but not enough to save their sibling. (Coming Soon to a Lifetime Channel for Women near you!)

I thought I’d share all the goodies that I carry in my purse on a daily basis:
Man, that looks really sparse online, huh? All I got is:

- my wallet (another thing from Sissy)
- two business card holders: one for my “You Are A Douche” cards, and one for my actual business cards (I try my best to not get them mixed up)
- my brand new Diapee Wipees (gawd, I hate that name). One day I saw those and thought, “What a fab idea! There’s no way in hell I’m spending $15 on one of those! I’ll just make one myself.” Well, $20 and a super failed craft project later, I finally coughed up the $15 on one. Sigh.
- tissues (with a wedding cake topped with bride and groom on them – gag me, right?)
- my beloved Crackberry
- eye drops
- my Coach pill holder, containing my cherished Advil, Tylenol, Pepto, Mr. Bee’s meds
- half-eaten roll of Life Savers
- Chanel long wear lipstick. I LOVE that stuff.
- a pen. Usually it’s my fancy Tiffany one that I got as a gift, but that one must be currently residing in a some discarded purse.

Can you believe how much stuff fits in to this purse?!

Alrighty then. Now it’s tag time. I hereby, by the power vested and whatnot, tag:

- Sara at The McGowan Foursome
- Guwi at Sometimes I Think Funny Things
- Jen at Absolutely Bananas
- Betts at Damn Yankee
- Daniel at Daily Spewage of a Bitter Mind (Cuz he always gets left out since he doesn’t have a vagina – as far as I know.)

Oh, and this is for you, Pearl:

Fuckity fuck fuck.

Song title: Bag Lady by Audio Adrenaline

Juicy or Janky?
At what point does dressing comfortably cross the line to going shopping in your pajamas? Even though I was all fashioned out yesterday, the moment I got out of the car with Baby Bee to do some errands I had a wave of fear wash over me. “Did I forget to change out of my pajamas before leaving the house?!?!” I thought.

You do the math:
1 Juicy Couture Track Suit + 1 pair of Uggs = 1 fashionable mom wearing sweats and slippers.

Song title: Make Yourself Comfortable by Bette Midler

Song title: Shopping Spree by Atom and His Package

Goodwill Glitter Sale 2008
Bright and early Saturday morning, Sissy and I stood in line for more than two hours in the freezing cold to be one of the first in line for Seattle Goodwill’s 25th Anniversary Glitter Sale. Supposedly, every year Goodwill saves up all the designer donations they receive and put on this huge event to raise money for their work program. Even though we’ve lived in the Seattle area for 25+ years, this is the first we’d ever heard of this gigantic “designer” fundraising event so we thought we’d check it out.

I’m not one to participate in anything without doing some thorough reconnaissance, so I researched the crap out of this event. I quickly found out that the Glitter Sale is comparable to those crazy wedding gown sales you hear about in New York. People in attendance mean business and you better be prepared. Tips for the sale included:

*Wear a slip, body suit or swimsuit to try on clothing; there are no fitting rooms.
While most people just didn’t have any modesty and changed right there in the aisle (I totally would’ve done the same thing if I would’ve found anything needing trying on), a lot of people dressed as if ready to perform an interpretive dance at the local amateur theatre.

I wish like this:

But, in reality, more like this:
*When you arrive in the special sales area, grab a blue tote bin to carry your purchases; shopping carts and personal bags are not allowed.
I don’t know who in the Goodwill association thought that giant plastic bins would be a brilliant idea in a room stuffed to the gills with crazed shoppers. I can’t even count how many of these damned bins I got shoved in to my back. Even worse, some people thought it’d be brilliant to carried the bins on their heads, which would have been fine if these particular people weren’t midgets. Being slightly taller than the women in there, I had to constantly duck and weave to avoid getting a bin in the face.

*Rehang clothes you don’t intend to buy.
Yeah, I’ll get right on that.

*The store gets crowded, so be conscious of the comfort and safety of others; running is not allowed.
This rule is like telling Baby Bee not to shove her finger up her nose, your nose, any nose. As much as you try to stop it, it’s just gonna happen anyway.

Word around town was that last year about 300 people were lined up before the doors opened at 9 a.m. Not wanting to be near the end of the line, but not knowing really what to expect, I headed out the door around 6 o’clock in the morning the day of the sale. When Sissy and I got in line, we were roughly 40 people back in line. By 9 a.m., the line had more than ONE THOUSAND PEOPLE in it! It went down the side of the warehouse-sized building, out to the street, and down the street!

“Holy crap balls!” we thought. This place must be the shiz! When the doors opened, all hell broke loose and Sissy and I were shoved in to the madness. We headed to the “Vintage” room first.

Dear Goodwill Vintage Fashion Coordinator,
I am no fashion expert, but I’m 90% sure that Jessica Simpson shoes are not vintage. In fact, these shoes are maybe two years old at most. If two years old = vintage, my entire wardrobe consists of fossils. I’m guessing that Betsy Johnson, Jimmy Choos and Escada don’t fit in to the vintage category either. For the future, it would make things a lot clearer for customers if you entitled this room “The Vintage and Designer Label Room”. But calling Jessica heels “designer” is even a stretch…
Good luck next year,
The irate and bitching customer who was complaining about the shitty clothes

From all the press this event got, I was obviously expecting rows upon rows of sweet designer shoes and purses. My goal was to find a pair of Jimmy Choos or Chanel purse and then gloat to everyone I see that I got them for a fraction of their retail price. To give them credit, they did have two pairs of Choos (one was sooo fugly and the other wasn’t my size). However, everything else looked like this:

Really, I shit you not. I’ve never seen so much velvet and bedazzling in my life! Sissy and I watch all these people smile and share their stories about what great stuff they had scored, but we’d look in their bins and were simply puzzled about what they were so excited about.

Luckily, I did find a few hidden gems which I’m pretty excited about. I was even more excited when I found out how much money I saved! I got this Bill Levkoff Bridesmaid/Cocktail dress to wear to some upcoming weddings that I get to attend as a guest this winter!

Retail Price: $170+

Price at Glitter: $7.99

We also found a Juicy Couture purse. It was a little too pink and tweeny for us, so Sissy gave it to my niece. It’s a little crazy to see an almost five-year old carrying around a Juicy purse that some adults would die for, but they don’t realize how much it cost us!

Retail Price: $100+

Price at Glitter: $2.99

Lastly, I found a really pretty Nordstrom metallic gold knit skinny scarf thing (the kind of scarf that is more of an accessory). I figure that it retails for at least $80, but I bought it for $8!

To finish up our weekend, we also went to the Supermall’s Magical Night of Giving. We knew it’d be all Christmas-ey and was a fundraiser, but what we didn’t know is that all the stores would have ridonkulous sales!! The Banana Republic Outlet had an additional 30% off everything in the store! So, uh, needless to say, Sissy and I bought way too much, but now have some super cute clothes for the holiday season!

So much for being thrifty, huh. Does it count that I bought approximately $600 of clothes and accessories for $200? I saved us money, right?

Song title: Let’s Go To the Mall by Robin Sparkles
Extra points for knowing who Robin Sparkles is!

Today I went to the new Westfield Shoppingtown Southcenter (aka: The Southcenter Mall) with Sissy, Niece, Baby Nephew, Baby Bee and one of the Sissy’s high school friends and daughter.

It’s so pretty.

The mall just had it’s grand re-opening last weekend and it’s apparently at least the biggest mall in Western Washington. And they’ve added some great new stores! We really blew through the place today but here is a list of the stores that I must visit soon (or else):

Banana Republic
Yes, I’ve been there before, but the closest store used to be all the way up in Seattle! Let’s just say that Mr. Bee will be trying on a lot of clothes this weekend when I force him to go shopping with me!

Bare Escentuals
I love this makeup. I pretty much just use the foundation stuff and haven’t really explored the blush/eye makeup stuff. LOVE it.

H&M
I’ve heard mixed reviews about H&M but have never been in before so I can’t be judgy yet. Sigh.

Ju Jubes
This place looks like it will either be super awesomely rad or a huge disappointment. I’m hoping for super killer fashion that makes me feel like I’m wearing expensive clothes, but in actuality only costs me $1.00.

Love Culture
I perused this place briefly today and it pretty much looks like Forever 21, but I think I need to visit again to really make sure. Oh, and what the hell is up with this “XXI forever” new look of Forever 21?! You’re not kidding anybody, people! You can use shiny silver Roman numerals all you want. We still know you have crappy, disposable clothes. (But we secretly love you anyway.)
White House/Black Market
Another store that was only up in Seattle previously. I find this place a little hit and miss but I always give it a chance.

I’ve also found a few new cool shops in…you’ll never guess…ENUMCLAW! For those of you non-Washingtonians, to get to Enumclaw you must drive south to the Boonies, turn left and head towards No Where Fast and you find it on your left just after Where The Fuck Are We-Ville.

One of the Bunco ladies gave me a tip about a little shop called Over The Edge. Sissy and I checked it out on Friday but it was during the Enumclaw Street Fair and was super crazy busy (you know, with the 25 people that attended the Enumclaw Street Fair). I hope to go back soon sans Baby so I can actually try things on without having to do a little half-naked dance to entertain her/keep her from fussing.

On my way out of town, I saw a store called Suburban Soul that looks pretty rad too. Who would ever think that I would be trying to schedule Mama-free-time so I can go to Enumclaw. Seriously.

Song title: Girls In Their Summer Clothes by Bruce Springsteen