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“It actually blew up right in my face”

29 Jun

That’s what she said. ABC’s The Bachelorette – Season 7, Episode 5 (I can’t believe that I totally forgot to post this last week! This week’s recap will be up soon, too!) “Ashley and the men travel to Thailand”? Is it just me or didn’t that already happen the week before?! My geography isn’t strong [...]

“I feel like we’re on the Titanic.”

20 Jun

ABC’s The Bachelorette – Season 7, Episode 4 For the first (what felt like) fifteen minutes of this week’s show simply rehashes the whole Douche situation and shows pretty much every single shot filmed over the entire season. Thanks so much, ABC. Now play the fucking show. Surprisingly, Chris Harrison, Our Beloved Host, doesn’t address [...]

“Dot dot dot…”

15 Jun

Love strikes in a flash This week’s most dramatic Bachelorette EVER begins with a one-on-one date with Don Quixote, whose smug face I’ve already begun to detest. Once again, Batman is shocked that he didn’t receive the first date. He insists that he will be removing said mask for Ashley. This should be good… In [...]

“Having her tickle my butt hole? That’d be amazing.”

8 Jun

ABC’s The Bachelorette – Season 7, Episode 2 This week, our annoyingly insecure beloved Bachelorette, Ashley, begins her string of horribly awkward and, some would say, inappropriate, dates. Wanna make a splash in Vegas? The first one-on-one date goes to our I-want-to-lick-his-dimples Prince William. In regular Bachelor/ette style, the couple are whisked away to Las [...]

“If you can’t take the heat, get out of the oven.”

26 May

ABC’s The Bachelorette – Season 7, Episode 1 Before I begin my season of Bachelorette recaps, I’d just like to say that the following is all in fun. I don’t personally know anything of these people. I’m sure that in real life they are sweet, kind, and loving people and just play retarded douche bags [...]

Diggin’ on Dexter

10 Jan

Thanks to a full weekend of free Showtime (let this be known as the single time I have ever not hated Comcast with all of my being), I have been hunkered down watching the entire fifth season of Dexter for the last 72 hours. Seriously. I have spent every free minute this weekend (which pretty [...]

The Bachelor – Episode One

7 Jan

Due to my spare time being limited to, well, who are we kidding? I don’t have any spare time lately. Between scooping up the wreckage of blow out diapers and attempting to not fall asleep while watching the fortieth consecutive episode of The Backyardigans with Bee, catching up on the TiVo and especially blogging about [...]

The One Where The Men Tell Practically Nothing

28 Jul

As we quickly approach The. Most. Dramatic. Season. Finale. Ever., we are reminded of why we oh-so-love The Bachelorette ever so much. As Chris Harrison so eloquently put it, it’s because of the “Romance, love, betrayal, heartbreak and, of course, a lot of tears.” He must be referring to Ali after she realizes that the [...]

The One With The Scariest Basement Ever

13 Jul

Once again, we find ourselves with another week, which means yet another Bachelorette Recap! Florida Flirting Finally back in the U.S., Ali gets all packed up to visit her first suitor, Robert-Oh, in Tampa, Florida. Okay, first of all, can we just talk about the small ass piece of luggage that Ali is “packing” for [...]

The One Where I Realize I’ve Been Watching This For 7 Weeks. Jesus.

8 Jul

Once again, our frat brothers/Bachelors find themselves in a new European city on their Tour du Love. This week, the boys will compete for next week’s hometown dates in Lisbon, Portugal. Since we’re down to five dudes, there will be four dates this week instead of three and NO ROSES. So no one will be [...]

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