Cartoon Heroes
17 Aug
When it comes to driving, there are many things that I find irritating.
#1: Crazy bitches/douchebags.
#2: Pretty much every single driver in the state of Washington.
#3: These disgusting things:
But if there is one thing that I simply don’t understand, it’s the grown adults who plaster their cars with cartoon characters.
Seriously, people, it’s bad enough to use your back window to display every single thought you’ve ever had via sticker, a butterfly decal (I’m so girly!) or that super rad turtle stick you found in Hawaii (totally original, by the way), but when you start plastering your back window with cartoon characters? I just don’t get it.
Let’s take a minutes to discuss some of my favorites.
Calvin Peeing
Okay, maybe I’m missing something, but why on earth would you put this on your car? Besides the fact that it’s just gross, what does it say about the person driving the vehicle? And I can’t lie, it kind of makes me throw up in my mouth a little. Pull up your pants, you little asshat!
Calvin Praying
This one almost makes me crash because I’m too busy rolling my eyes instead of paying attention to driving. Honestly, I don’t know which Calvin is more annoying, but both definitely make me cringe.
Any and Every Disney Character
Now our dear friend Mickey here is only the tip of the iceberg. If it’s not Mickey, it’s the Tazmanian Devil (because that means your sassy! oooh!), or Tweety Bird or whatever.
Now don’t get me wrong. I was a HUGE fan of cartoons.
When I was twelve.
Okay, maybe I was 15, but I still knew then that I was too old for that shit. But now that I’m (gag) a grown-up, I simply don’t know what to make out of going to someone’s house (and I’m talking a REAL grown-up’s house) and finding a Mickey Mouse themed-bathroom.
And not a CHILD’S bathroom, mind you. Like just their regular old guest bathroom.
First of all, it’s a little creepy. Almost “Hey kid, you want to see a cool bathroom? heh heh heh” creepy.
Secondly, Mickey Mouse? Really? When was the last time you saw that mouse do anything? The rodent doesn’t even have a regular job yet somehow people become totally obsessed. I know it’s part-blasphemy, part-anti-american, but something about Mickey Mouse just annoys the shit out of me. Even Bee’s diapers piss me off a little.
Lastly, well, I don’t really have a “lastly”. It’s just weird so stop doing it.
And don’t even get me started on grown women wearing cartoon characters on their puffy sweatshirts…
Song title: Cartoon Heroes by The Aqua Velvets
The Cool Kids