Mom to Bee

Hello, Lovies!! What? It’s me! MAMA BEE. I know, I know, I’ve been MIA for like, well, FOREVER. But good news! The bitch is back, baby! After having a head cold for roughly two months (no, that is not a typo) and Cletus the Fetus slowly and steadily sucking the life force out of my [...]

Lesson #2: You thought you had food issues before getting pregnant… So, you just found out you’re pregnant. Congrats? Let the slow descent in to your own personal hell begin. If you are four to six weeks pregnant, I thoroughly recommend binging on all of your favorite foods right this second. No, really. We’ll wait. [...]

I totally wasn’t going to blog today because I’m super worthless, but I didn’t think this novel would be Facebook update appropriate. So I’m totally convinced that I’m have been impregnated with a vampire baby. Here is my reasoning: 1. I’m super sensitive to sunlight today. Now I’m going with the more traditional sunlight-kills-vampires theory [...]

Something that I’ve been throwing around in my head for a while is using this blog to chronicle all the ups, downs, ins, outs and way fucked up things about having children (and being pregnant) that no one but your most intimate girlfriends would tell you. Like the fact that, yes, you WILL drop a [...]

Being that I’m a whooping almost five weeks pregnant (which is awesome since two of those weeks I hadn’t even ovulated yet – I love pregnancy math), I’ve already begun my downward spiral in to Worry Wartdom. I don’t even think the pee was dry on the pregnancy test before I started worrying… “Will the [...]

Our story begins more than a week ago when I started to be slowly killed by a soul-sucking cold. I’ve been coughing like a 60-year-old smoker, sniffling like a crack whore and by Thanksgiving week, I had cold-induced pink eye which left me tearing up constantly like a over-emotional…well…me. I was really the picture of [...]

Remember that one time that I wrote about going to the Chinese Needle Torture acupuncturist and being totally stoked about it? Yeah, well you’ll need to reread that post next week because my acupuncture lady went and got the flu the morning of my appointment. How rude, right? After I woke up at the butt [...]

In my short term as a parent, I have learned many lessons. 1. No matter how hard you try or how punctual you were before giving birth, children = tardiness. You just have to get used to it and realize that all the other parents will be late, too. 2. You will end up saying [...]

Baby Bee has a new obsession. While not spectacular in any way, shape, or form (for sure!), Bee is captivated by my breasts. She will pinch them, grab them and, my particular favorite, lift up my shirt to make sure they are still there (I can only assume). She will also dig through our dirty [...]

Sometimes I’m convinced that I suffer from some sort of mom amnesia. Momnesia, if you will. I will do some of the dumbest shit that even a mom with a one-day old is smart enough not to do. Take this past Tuesday, for example. First, I started the day by waking up two hours before [...]