Mom to Bee

Most people warn you about the Terrible Twos. “Ha!” you say. “The Terrible Threes are the worst!” Well, I call Bullshit. With a capital Bee. You see, my daughter turned four in April and during the last month she has been horrible. Well, horrible doesn’t quite cover it. It’s like if you took a lioness [...]

Anybody know when these ridiculous hormonal surges are going to stop?! We’ve already discussed my never-ending pasta bowl of a stomach, which I attribute to breastfeeding every two minutes and, well, my complete lack of will power to stay away from donuts, cookies and bagels. But now, NOW, I’ve started the super awesome process of [...]

FYI: If you’d like to follow the “blow-by-blow” action that is my impending labor and delivery of Cletus the Fetus, you should “like” the Official Mom to Bee Facebook Fan page. Updates including, but not limited to, me cussing out anyone around me and blaming Mr. Bee for “doing this to me”. Song title: Blow [...]

On Tuesday, the OB/GYN (otherwise known as the “baby doctor” in my house) took a gander up my va-jay-jay to check on the status of my Cervix of Doom. I only call it the Cervix of Doom because the Cervix of Rainbows and Puppy Dogs just doesn’t have the same ring to it. I haven’t [...]

Okay, first of all, yes, I totally get the irony of posting this after last Monday’s “Aren’t Babies and Pregnancy Awesome” post. But I would like to state something for the record… I am SO over this pregnancy. It’s hilarious to me that it’s like a switch being flipped. A really fucking evil switch in [...]

A few weeks back, my in-laws gave me a gift certificate for a maternity massage at Gene Juarez. First of all, best present ever! Secondly, I can’t believe it took me so long to make the appointment, but I finally got around to scheduling my massage for this week. Maybe it’s just me (I’m guessing [...]

Okay, first of all, can we take a second to acknowledge that, Holy Hairy Monkey Balls, this kid is going to be out of my body is less than 60 days. Dood. There are a lot things that I’m going to miss once this pregnancy is over (as I am going to give my doctor [...]

Holy night sweats, Batman. I am completely out of practice when it comes to this whole pregnancy thing. With Bee, I was mostly pregnant during the winter, which was not only awesome because I felt like I had some magical superhero power to stay warm all the time, but also saved me the expense of [...]

This has got to be the best and most accurate description of labor/delivery EVER. “Well. I think a stork, he umm, he drops it down and then, and then, a hole goes in your body and there’s blood everywhere, coming out of your head and then you push your belly button and then your butt [...]

Don’t forget to enter my latest giveaway for a pair of delicious hand-knitted mittens for your favorite little toddler!! (click here to enter the contest!) Also, I just got word from Arla-Shay that she’ll knit a pair of mittens for a boy if you’d prefer!! – – – – – – – – – – [...]