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What You Don’t Know – Part Three

4 Feb

11. I like happy songs.
I can appreciate the beauty of slow songs, but I’m really not a fan. If the song has a happy beat, I’m a happy listener. I also REALLY love to sing, in the car, by myself, alone. But I have recently fallen in love with karaoke…Watch out, world.

12. I come from a family of very loud talkers and selective listeners.
I live in with the constant fear that I am talking way louder than I need to. My family also has a tendency to be very selective when listening to stories. That now is one of my biggest pet peeves – don’t answer me a question if you don’t want to know my answer.

13. I like to think I’m a funny person, but there are times I annoy even myself.
Besides being a mom, I don’t know if anything gives me more joy than making someone laugh. But ironically, I also hate the spotlight. I’m constantly analyzing my behavior and trying to balance being funny and interjecting witty anecdotes without being overbearing and annoying.

14. I hate to buy anything not on sale.
A little piece of me dies when I have to pay full price and I lurves me some outlet malls. I can’t remember the last time I spent full price on clothes. Okay, I lied, I bought a bunch of stuff at Old Navy a few weeks ago. But Old Navy definitely falls in to the not-full-price category since you can’t really buy anything there that costs more than $15. The more money I save, the happier I am.

15. I really love personal questionnaires.
Honestly, it’s because I know that I’ll know all the answers! I’m retarded, I know. But I never have an answer for “What is your favorite color?”

* * * * *

Sorry for the lack of clever posts this week. Trying to get a jump on cleaning the house and organizing, well, my life. And reading all the horrible baby losses on the interwebs has really bummed me out.

Song title: What You Don’t Know by Jon Randall

What You Don’t Know – Part Two

2 Feb

A continuation of the Facebook 25 Random Things You’d Rather Not Know About Me Meme

6. I think about death and funerals (mine, specifically) a lot.
I really don’t know why, but I’m very fixated on my own funeral. I’m convinced that only like 4 people will go. Why I think about it or care, who knows. It’s also really important to me to plan my will and funeral/wake, even though I have yet to begun planning either. I want the celebration of my death life to be as inappropriate and fun as I am.

7. I cry VERY easily.
Maybe it’s because I’m thinking about people dying all the time? Really though, it doesn’t take much as Sissy and a few of my friends could tell you. I think I am the polar opposite of Mrs. J in that way!

8. I love my family.
In today’s day, my family is weirdly close. We love hanging out together and watching the kids play. My parents crack me up and I hope to continue to be an exact combination of both my mom and my dad.

My older (and only) sister, Sissy, is my best friend. Sissy and I speak on the phone usually by 9 or 10 in the morning most days. This will be the first of many phone calls during the day where we talk about the need for Calgon to take us away immediately anything and everything. If we do go a day without speaking, it’s just wrong. We also have many nicknames for each other including, but not limited to: Hook, Hooker, Beeyotch, Hookity Hook, well, you get the idea…

9. I totally believe in “Friends at first sight”.
I talked about it a while ago, but I totally believe in friends at first sight. My usual technique for testing out my theory is this:
a) See person and note “future friend” feeling.
b) Expose said person to inappropriate jokes and uncontrollable Tourette’s.
c) If said person responds in kind, then consider yourself my friend.

10. I always pee with the door open.
You might be thinking, “well yeah, as a mom, I always have to pee with the door open now or my kid will freak out.” That’s true. But Mr. Bee (sorry to “out” you, honey) and I just had never closed the door around each other. So much for the romance, right? I mean, it’s not like we’ll just hang out in the bathroom together while one person is dropping a deuce or anything. We just never close the door. Unless people are over or we’re at someone else’s house. ‘Cause that’d just be weird, yo.


Song title: What You Don’t Know by Jon Randall

What You Don’t Know – Part One

30 Jan

So I’ve been tagged on Facebook about a billion times in the last week or so for this 25 Random Things About You thingy.

Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 (uh, yeah, I hardly know 25 people, so I’m only going to tag a few) people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

As I write this post, I am quickly realizing that it will be really long. So this will be my first installment of Things You Don’t Care To Know About Me.

1. I can paint.
Since I haven’t painted in a while, and it’s not the kind of thing you just carry around with you, a lot of people don’t know about my paintings. My two favorite paintings are the one I already showed you, and a painting of a row boat that I gave my parents years ago. One of these days I’ll get better photos of them to show y’all.

2. I’m seriously afraid of heights.
I always knew that I wasn’t a huge fan of heights, but until about 7 years ago, I didn’t realize how severe it was. Mr. Bee and I had just started dating and he decided it would be super duper fun to go bungee jumping. We drove down to the middle of fucking no where somewhere around Mount Saint Helens so the boys could jump off of highest legal bungee bridge in the United States. Yaaaaaaay.

Okay, so this bridge is approximately 8 billion miles above the ground. It is a one-lane concrete bridge with one side that is completely unprotected. The other side has a grated walkway with a shabby railing made out of metal pipe. Oh, and did I mention that one side is completely un-railed?! Holy shit, I’m having a panic attack just thinking about it…

Needless to say, my chicken shit ass was walking right down the middle of the road, trying not to look over either side. When it was Mr. Bee’s turn to jump, everyone insisted that I at least come over to the railing to get a better look. That’s when I realized how severe my fear is. For the first time ever, I literally could not make my body move over toward the railing. It was bad enough that I would have to stand on grating (which enabled me to see straight down underneath myself), but that railing looked like it was built by a retarded monkey after a stroke. There was NO WAY I was going to lean up against that shit.

And that, my friends, was when I realized that all those stupid people on the Amazing Race who cry when forced up on a tall bridge or have to bungee jump off the Space Needle or something are not stupid after all. They’re just like me.

3. I have 5 years of learning Spanish under my belt.
…and all I can say is “Me llamo Mama Bee” and “Yo quiero Taco Bell.”

4. I have a law degree.
This is always followed up with “Did you practice?” or “Did you take the Bar exam?” to which I promptly laugh and say, “You mean I was supposed to use the piece of paper on my wall that cost $140,000?”. Oh yes, my friends. I could buy a house (somewhere, I’m sure) for how much my degree cost.

5. Out of the (I’m guessing) couple hundreds of classmates of mine from law school, I only know the names of about 10 people.
You know that song “High School Never Ends”? Well, law school was like high school with huge amounts of alcohol, prescription drug abuse, and sex. You know, MORE of that stuff than in high school.

Law school was also full of cliques. Groups were pretty tight and therefore you really only hung out regularly with your own friends. This lead to MANY nicknames being created for, well, the entire population of the law school practically. Some of the names I remember: Monkey Girl (girl REALLY looked like a monkey, I shit you not), Meth Mouth, Arch Nemisis (man, I fucking hated that guy), Robot, Psycho, Skunk, Ken (of Ken and Barbie), Peg Bundy… I’m pretty sure everyone else was generally referred to as “Douche” or “Asshole” – there were a LOT of those. It was law school after all.

Anywho, I didn’t realize how bad it was until graduation. Each classmate was called on stage by name to receive their diploma. With each and every classmate, I remember thinking, “Ooooh! THAT was her name?! Huh.”

Now years after graduation, I have tons of people that ask me if I know so and so and I have NO idea unless they specify that “Janet Smith” really was called “Stink McPoopyPants”.

Song title: What You Don’t Know by Jon Randall

Tag, You’re It

10 Nov

I’ve Been Tagged

Name/Meaning: Baby Bee (because I’m too paranoid to post real names online)
Before we knew if Bee was a boy or girl, we called her Felix the Fetus. I don’t even remember where we came up with it! But we’ve already started referring to our un-conceived next child as Cleetus the Fetus.

Bee’s name was a huge bone of contention with Mr. Bee. We looked at book after book trying to find names that we could both agree on. For girls names, we finally hit on “Bee” and looked at each other. He said, “I like it and I don’t know anyone with that name.” (With most names we’d find issue with knowing some stupid person we don’t like with a name that we do like and the name would be crossed off the list) I said, “I like it too!”. And our baby had a name.

Unfortunately, we could never come up with a boy’s name that we agreed upon. Still haven’t! So when the OB tech announced that we were pregnant with a girl, the first thought in my head was “Thank GOD! We don’t have to argue over more boy names!!”

Updated: I can’t believe I forgot the most important part! Bee is also named after the best aunt Sissy and I ever had. She was Aunt “Rainy” and she passed away four years ago to cancer. We wanted to honor our first daughter with a special middle name to keep Aunt Rainy in our hearts always.

Age: almost 19 months

Nicknames: Bee (obviously), Squidgey, Baby Bop, Doodle Bug, Monkey (we like nicknames in this house!)

Favorite Activities: Books, Pointing out letters on books/moving boxes/signs/anything and randomly saying letters (example: She will point out all the letters of the word “UHAUL” on a moving box but say “Ay, Oooh, Bee, Gee, Oooh”, watching Word World on tv, playing on her new slide, anything that has to do with Elmo

Favorite Food: Any fruit and definitely any bread product.

Least Favorite Food: I’ve had a hell of a time getting her to eat any sort of meat lately. She used to love all meats and now she’s just not interested.

Favorite Music: ABCs, Julia Nunes on YouTube (I made the mistake of showing her some videos one day and now she insisted on music “Da da da” on the “puder”). Really she likes anything as long as there is music playing. The minute she gets in to the car seat for a drive, she starts yelling “da da da” which means “dance”.

Favorite Toy: Elmo, anything that resembles a duck, her new slide from Nana & Poppa (via Sissy!)

Favorite Book: I don’t think she has one, but our regulars are Goodnight Moon, Snuggle Puppy, and some Little Einstein sleepy time book.

What makes her happy: Daddy coming home, Seeing her cousins (lord, the girl can shriek when she’s happy to see somebody!), Word World, Walking, Bananas

What makes her sad: Mommy saying “No”, Mommy leaving, Getting dressed (oh wait, is this list what makes ME sad?)

Tag: Sissy (I know you don’t have a blog, but maybe this will make you start one!), Jaci from Ravings of a Mad Housewife, Mr. Lady from Whiskey In My Sippy Cup, Kelcey from The Mama Bird Diaries, Pearl from Pearls of Wisdom

Song title: Tag, You’re It by Alice Cooper