Christmas Is Coming
14 Dec
This weekend has been chock full of Christmas-ey goodness! Friday night I traveled through super crappy traffic to the Dirty North for…
Song title: Christmas Is Coming by A Charlie Brown Christmas Soundtrack
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Santabator! (A photo history)
Like I previously described, the ‘Bator festivities began with a LOT of food. Like, kind of a ridiculous amount of food this year.
I think we really out-did ourselves with the presents this year…
Obviously, we prefer non-sophisticated humor.
You, too, can find an owl near you at the closest TJ Maxx.
Jacques, the angry cock. He likes kisses.
Perv, the elf. By far the creepiest gift ever at Santabator. You know, if you don’t count Santabator or Mrs. Clause…
This gift deserves a blog post of it’s own! Let’s just say, it’s an inside joke.
Choose your sleep mask: Let’s Fuck or Fuck Off!
Did I mention that there was a large amount of Champagne consumed at the party too?
Next Post: Baby Bee makes Santa want to Retire…
Santabator
Santabator is the annual celebration of all things offensive and hilarious. The origins of Santabator are so thick with myth and legend that I don’t know the specifics, but you can imagine that the centerpiece of the evening is small toy Santa who is, shall we say, pleasuring himself. Shortly thereafter, Mrs. Clause and her handy candy cane of love joined the festivities, too.
Celebrate and Party
10 Dec
Jingle Bells
Well, it’s officially that time of year. People are preparing for the holidays with various tradtions: sending out Christmas cards, bringing the kids to see Santa, trying to find room in the living room for the Christmas tree, and, of course, listening to the Christmas radio station 24/7 and turning our babies in to consumer whores (kidding, Pearl!).
While all those traditions are fine and dandy, they can’t possibly stand up to THE holiday tradition of the season:
Santabator is the annual celebration of all things offensive and hilarious. The origins of Santabator are so thick with myth and legend that I don’t know the specifics, but you can imagine that the centerpiece of the evening is small toy Santa who is, shall we say, pleasuring himself. Shortly thereafter, Mrs. Clause and her handy candy cane of love joined the festivities, too.
“But Mama Bee, what do you do at said holiday party, pray tell?”
Friend, I thought you’d never ask.
Well, first we usually consume a ridiculous amount of food and alcohol. Then, the showcase of the evening, the presents. Typically the presents range from hilarious to oh-god-I-just-shat-myself hilarious. Here are just a few from last year’s shindig:
The presents shown (from left to right) are (1) a Darth Vader helmet that features a voice-altering thing-a-ma-bobber that makes you sound like Darth. You can imagine what we said as Darth. (2) The obligatory phallic sausages. (3) The “oversized” gift set, including gigantic stocking, huge (ornament) balls, large decorative bow, etc.
Following or during the gift exchange, usually Santabator and Mrs. Clause find themselves in some compromising positions…
Did I mention the drinking?
And at some point, I think some baby smuggling occurs. Hell, those little buggers go for a lot on the black market, right?
Happy Santabator to you and yours!
Song title: Celebrate and Party by Hymns
Bee a Fan!
Where It’s At
The Cool Kids