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Bad Dream

26 Oct

Most of the time, I can’t figure out how to explain to childless individuals how simply amazing being a mom can be. I think this may work though:

Last night, as I was putting Bee to sleep by singing our nightly songs (SEVEN songs, to be exact), Bee declared that she was mad.

You see, lately Bee has decided that any negative attitude can be explained by nightmares the previous night (whether or not nightmares actually occurred, of course). So I began explaining how she could simply tell her bad dreams that they were meany jelly beanies and that she was going to be happy anyway and wouldn’t let bad dream make her mad anymore.

Bee’s response was to throw her arms around me, snuggle close and say, “…or you could gimme lots a hugs…”

Yep, that works for me.

Song title: Bad Dream by Keane

Shake a Tail Feather

22 Dec

Since this is a busy week and we have shit to do (AND I’m still ramping up from feeling like shit on a stick the last two weeks), here is another video to entertain you until I’m back to full blogging awesomeness.

Every day, roughly eight hundred million times a day, Bee insists that we watch the show Dinosaur Train on PBS. Recently there was an episode featuring snow.

Snow AND dinosaurs?! Fuck. That’s a magical combination for Bee.

Add a silly song at the end of the episode and you get her dropping everything that she is doing at the time and doing this:

It cracks me up every time.

Song title: Shake a Tail Feather by Ray Charles

Your Song

21 Oct

Okay, so she’s not wearing her octopus costume as promised, but hopefully you’ll enjoy this little diddy anyway.

For those of you who are not fluent in Toddler, I have put a translation below.

“You can tell everybody, this is your song. It might be quite simple but now that it’s done. I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind, that I put down in wooooooooooooooords how wonderful life is now you’re in the world. Thank you! Thank you!”

I have to say that my favorite bit is when she’s jamming out Stevie Wonder style in front of the camera.

Song title: Your Song by Elton John


21 Aug

FREE STUFF YAY!Don’t forget to enter my NEW GIVEAWAY!!

The winner will receive a Trio of Philosophy’s Award Winning ultra-rich 3-in-1 shampoo, shower gel and bubble baths!!

Contest ends Tuesday, August 25th at 9 p.m. I’ll announce the winner Wednesday, August 26th.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

For all of my friends who might think that I have the “normal” kid…

total weirdo

Please take note of:

1. The random baseball hat, which of course Bee would refuse to wear if we ever needed her to wear it.

2. Half of a hot dog shoved in to her pie hole. (Yes, I feed my daughter horrible foods like hot dogs. Shut up.)

3. The pajama and frog boot combo (why, yes, it IS lunchtime – hence, the hot dog sticking out of her face – and she is still in her pajamas. Shut UP.)

4. Lastly, she is trying to hop around like a frog, but she can’t hop or jump yet. Don’t ask.

So the next time one of the other kids is a total freak and I pretend I couldn’t possibly understand what that is like, now you’ll have some documented proof of Bee’s inner “style”. Hopefully this will go away by the time she is school-aged…

Song title: Weirdo by New Order

Rainbow Connection

3 Jun

A few weekends ago, Bee’s Nana and Poppa (my parents) had the opportunity to take Bee and two of her cousins to a VIP early viewing of a new exhibit at the Experience Music Project (EMP). Besides having to get Bee up to Seattle by 9am that morning, and then spending the rest of the day scrambling to find bathrooms, it was a really great day! /end sarcasm.

I actually got to spend the day eating crepes and shopping with Sissy and Duder (and my littlest nephew), so it actually was a pretty fun day!

But it all did start by meeting my folks at the EMP in downtown Seattle at a god forsaken time. (Come on, people. Bee doesn’t even wake up until 8 or 9 in the morning – I know, boo hoo me, right?) If you aren’t from Seattle, you may not be familiar with the EMP. If that’s the case, if you are visiting or see some photos of the Seattle skyline, it’s the building under the Space Needle. To be honest, it looks like the Space Needle ate a box of crayons and then took a dump. It’s that pretty.

Thank goodness the Space Needle doesn't have diarrhea...

The newest exhibition at the EMP is all about Jim Henson! Oh, how I love Jim Henson.


The kids got to see Bert & Ernie (with Rubber Duckie, of course!) and even the sprite from Dark Crystal (that movie gives me the creeps just *thinking* about it!).

But it wasn’t until Bee came home with her very own (and first) sock puppet that I really remembered the magic (and comedy) that was The Muppet Show. I mean, Bee just LOVES her sock puppet (whose Christian name is Waffles but was quickly changed to Polka Dot for reasons he won’t divulge).

Pooh-kah Dooooooot!

Also, just in case you care (because I know you do), Polka Dot is not pronounced who you would assume. The correct pronunciation (as deemed by Bee, of course) is “Pooh-kah Dot”.

Inspired by Pooh-kah Dot’s addition to the family, I went on YouTube this last week to find some good old school Kermit the Frog for Bee’s entertainment.

And, boy, did I create a monster!

All it took was one viewing of The Rainbow Connection opening of The Muppet Movie and now all I hear about is “Froggie! Guitar!”

I love that Bee loves the Muppets already as much as I did as a child. I still remember crying when I heard the news that Jim Henson had passed away. I was eleven years old and cried like a baby.

Watching the few clips that are available on YouTube also made me realize that we need to buy a Best of the Muppet Show post haste. And stat and whatnot.

Here’s one of my favorite clips starring my super absolute favorite characters: Fozzie Bear and Rowlph the Dog. Enjoy!

Song title: Rainbow Connection by Kenny Loggins

Moment of Forever

4 May

Did you ever have one of those moments where you’re chillin’, soaking in the bathtub, listening to Weird Al on your iPod (yeah, I listen to “It’s All About The Pentiums” in the bath. You gotta a problem with that?) and writing your next blog post in your head about how weird it is that men go tanning when all of a sudden the song from your wedding processional comes on your iPod and you get transported back to the best day of your life, scene by scene, and get smacked in the head with a oh-my-god-I-can’t-even-believe-how-incredible-my-life-is-at-this-very-moment realization?

Yeah, me neither.

Song title: Moment of Forever by Ricky Nelson

Evidence Of Love

22 Apr

Since I’m lacking any blog inspiration (or blogspiration?), I thought I’d post the photos of my Bachelor adventure for your viewing pleasure, which I finally received this last week!

Please now view and be pleased.

He's really grabbing my butt with his other hand

He's really grabbing my butt with his other hand

I promise that we weren't much, anyway...

I promise that we weren't drooling...too much, anyway...

I promise I’ll have something better for you soon…hopefully.

Song title: Evidence Of Love by Air Supply

Rambling On

8 Apr

Since I have about 35 draft posts that have never come to fruition, I’m going to be a huge Ravings of a Mad Housewife copy cat and post a couple of blog farts for you this wonderful afternoon!

Sunshine Productivity
I can not tell you how productive I have been the last three days. You must be asking yourself, “Why? How?! Where is Mama Bee and who the hell are you, you god damn imposter!?!”

Dude. I hear ya. It’s fucked up, right? Being productive at home is kind of against my nature.

But something weird happened this last weekend and continued until yesterday.


The weather this week has been ridiculously great. And by “ridiculously great” I mean that it didn’t SNOW. And, well, the sun was out and it was warm. We even opened up the house and got a great breeze going through the house!

Proof that we actually got out and enjoyed the sun!

Proof that we actually got out and enjoyed the sun!

Somehow this weather change was like Redbull for the Soul (trademark!). Fuck that Chicken Soup crap. Mama needs more than bird in broth.

Any who, I not only cleaned up all of Baby Bee’s toys from Worm Invasion 2009, but actually organized our whole desk/kitchen area, starting setting up our office (finally), and started some overly ambitious projects for Bee’s upcoming birthday in a couple weeks.

It’s kind of freaking me out (the cleaning AND the fact that my “baby” is going to be two years old.)

Electronic Obsession
After a bestie of mine got a super cute tiny little laptop computer, I got bit by the computer bug. Mr. Bee and I have a huge weakness for the new and cool electronics on the market. We have iPods, laptops, pretty useful Blackberries (and Mr. Bee will be getting a new iPhone for work soon, which I can’t wait to play with!). So when I heard about this new “netbook” trend in the computer market, oh my ovaries, I wanted one. Almost as much as I want to get pregnant.

Okay, maybe not that much. I would definitely take a baby over a netbook at this point. Too bad babies don’t come with Bluetooth, though…

In order to not break the bank (and not buy yet another laptop in our roughly four laptop family), I hunted and searched and searched and hunted until I found my old Sony Vaio from law school.


I felt like Einstein when I realized that I already owned a small, light-weight laptop that I could bring on trips (like Vegas) with me to blog and look at porn whatnot. The only glitch? The battery is shot so I did have to fork over $70 for a new battery and, well, it’s kind of ghetto because it’s missing the letter L.

Yup, our former (well, she’s still a dog, just not ours anymore) (and just a little bit psycho) dog, took a shot at the laptop and popped the letter L off of the keyboard. But don’t worry, that’s not the only reason why she’s not our dog anymore (looooooooooong story). We could never figure out how to reattach the letter L and now only God knows where it ended up in the move.

But the good news is, there WILL be blogging in Vegas. Muuuaaahahahahaha!

Like the Clap, only better
Lastly, because this post has become way longer than I had intended, I was looking at Google Anal-tics again today and it seems that the Hive has grown/infected Southern California!

San Fran looks like hemorrhoids.

We used to have like ONE reader in San Diego and now the readership looks like herpes in the LA area! Hello to all our new readers and please don’t take me calling you herpes as an insult.

It’s really a term of endearment. I promise! I mean, at least I didn’t call you Gonorrhea or something.

Rambling On by Procol Harum

(almost) Wordless Weekend

14 Mar

Yummy Sawyer

Honestly, Sawyer can call me anything he wants to as long as he calls me!! While I wipe the drool off of my chin from staring at this photo too long, you can find out what Sawyer would call you by clicking on the photo above!

(almost) Wordless Weekend

7 Mar