Mom to Bee

Dear Universe,

The next time you decide to surprise me with seeing a high school classmate at the store, could you give me a quick heads up so I could, you know, maybe shower and put on some makeup first?

Sure, the person was a checker at the grocery store fourteen years out of high school, but I was such a hot mess, he probably thought I was a hobo.

Love,
The Hot Tranny Mess with Twenty Extra Pounds on Her

PS: Fuck, make that FIFTY more pounds on me since high school. But to be fair, if you are 32 years old and still 115 pounds (1) it’s probably not healthy, and (2) I hate you.

Song title: Mommy’s at the Grocery Store by The Sick Lipstick