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Ungrateful Lady

26 Dec

What is the one thing every stay-at-home-mom with a tantrum-throwing preschooler and an almost five-month old baby needs for Christmas?

Did you guess a 1000 piece puzzle?

Yeah, neither did I.

I’ll get right on that, right after I get more than two hours consecutive sleep and get to go to the bathroom unaccompanied by a minor.

Song title: Ungrateful Lady by John Holy

The Bitch Is Back

29 Dec

Hello, Lovies!!


It’s me!


I know, I know, I’ve been MIA for like, well, FOREVER. But good news! The bitch is back, baby!

After having a head cold for roughly two months (no, that is not a typo) and Cletus the Fetus slowly and steadily sucking the life force out of my body, I finally feel like a human being again.

Mind you, still a pregnant human being, but one that can type on the computer for more than five minutes without becoming comatose and wanting to crawl in to a hole and cry until I die of nausea and exhaustion.

Needless to say, the last few weeks have been aaaaaawesome.

And can I say something else? If you can at all plan around it, DO NOT get pregnant right before the holidays. I think I counted like EIGHT events that I had to do sober, including Mr. Bee’s company party, which unfortunately I was too pukey to attend anyway.

Which, by the way, turns out to be an easy way to tell people at work that your wife is pregnant. I imagine just saying that your wife feels like throwing up when she thinks of the company Christmas party doesn’t go over as well if your wife isn’t pregnant…

Anywho and whatnot, this week should be full of party recaps: Santabator, The Kidnapping (or Batornapping) of Santabator and his eventual return, and the glorious and hilarious Glitter Extravaganza Party!

So stay tuned, bitches!

Song title: The Bitch Is Back by Elton John

What’s Going On

2 Jan

Wazzup, my gnomies?
So, how ya been? Long time, no see, right?

Well, like many of you, I dropped off the face of the planet recently to deal with the Holidays and Work. I’ll do my best to fill you in (in an abbreviated form so you don’t get too bored with me).

ChristmaHanaKwanzika (aka: Festivus)
Just like Turkey Day, we had to parcel out Christmas celebrations to three different families (but at least with Christmas you have more than one day you can celebrate on). We started by celebrating with my family on Christmas Eve…

Oh my gosh, I’m totally forgetting to tell you the best part!


For those of you that don’t have the 411, Mr. Bee has a slowly degenerative liver condition. He was diagnosed almost five years ago and there isn’t much you can do except try to treat the symptoms and once in a while have a procedure done to help open up the ducts in the liver (if they get blocked). So Mr. Bee decided to schedule a doctor’s check up for December 22nd. Not too bad, right? He had some time off so it made sense to schedule it then. He went in and the doctor suggested he have an imaging procedure done to see if any of his ducts were indeed blocked. Since you get knocked out for this procedure, Mr. Bee wouldn’t be allowed to drive himself home after the appointment. Naturally, I would drop the Mr. off for the appointment with Baby Bee and pick him up afterwards.

This is when Mr. Bee is super smert and scheduled the appointment for 8 a.m. the next morning.

In Seattle.

On Christmas Eve Eve.

During Snowpacolypse.

So the Mr., Baby Bee and I all had to pack up the SUV and drop Mr. Bee off at a friend’s house in Seattle so he could stay the night and somehow get through all the snow and ice to the hospital by 8 a.m. (because he *is* smart enough to know that I am not getting my ass AND Bee up around 6 o’clock in the morning to drive him up in the snow for his appointment).

We get all settled back and home and are just waiting to pick him up the next day around noon when we find out that his ducts *were* blocked and they had to perform ANOTHER procedure while they were in there. All is fine, but he’ll have to stay overnight.

That is, we can pick him up on Christmas Eve.

Long story long, we finally got to pick him up and visit with my family but that holiday celebration was just a bit more stressful than it needed to be. Oy.

The In-Laws
On Christmas morning, we had just about enough time to get up, open presents, eat, dress, and then we were off to Mr. Bee’s Mom’s place for Christmas brunch. We all opened presents and had a good time, but I have to say just one thing…

Why would someone insist on wish/gift lists and then completely disregard them?

I thought I did a really good job this year of thinking of things that were affordable and even (gasp) functional to put on my Christmas list, but then all I ended up with was, well, not stuff on the list. I know I sound like a greedy brat, but I put a lot of effort in to that list! And if we’re expected to get something for you off of YOUR list, how about you return the favor, k?

But I digress…

As we were scheduling all the holiday celebrations, we were once again invited down to the middle-of-nowhere-ville to visit Mr. Bee’s Dad and Family. Even though I thoroughly was tortured with enjoyed the last visit, this time I pleasantly demanded invited them to drive up to us and see our new house.

They replied that they would love to but had to keep on eye on Snowpacolypse to determine when they could come up and visit. That’s fair, right? I thought so.

That is until they gave us a whopping three hours of notice that they’d be stopping by.

Now, I don’t know about you, but whenever we celebrate Christmas, it pretty much looks like Santa vomited toys, wrapping paper, boxes, etc. all over our entire house. And, since we hadn’t gotten substantial notice of their visit, we didn’t even have anything in the house suitable for consumption for seven people (besides a ridiculous amount of fudge and a pound of See’s chocolates).

For the next three hours, Mr. Bee and I ran around like crazy people, throwing toys and garbage in cabinets and buying food that would be acceptable for a Three-Days-After-Christmas-Celebration. Luckily, the visit was pretty short and painless and we won’t have to do it again until Turkey Chase ’09.

The Good Stuff
Since this post is getting a bit long, I’ll just leave you with a pretty photo of my favorite Christmas/Push Present gift from Mr. Bee.
Queen Bee
Technically I bought it for myself through Mrs. J., but let’s just all play along and say that Mr. Bee saw it and thought of me, okay?

Next Post: A New Year’s Eve Wedding Makes Me Rethink Quitting My Job

Song title: What’s Going On by All-Star Tribute