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New Moon

24 Nov

Last Friday, a friend of mine had a birthday party where a few ladies got together to go see the new movie in the Twilight series, New Moon.

Okay, before you Twihards (which, gross, makes me think of erections) and anti-Twihards (yuck again) get all up in my grill, I must disclose that I’m only a partial TwiMom. Yes, I’ve read the books. YES, I think that the writing was horrific and that a bunch of monkeys throwing shit at a computer could’ve probably done a better job. Yes, I totally plan on seeing all of the movies. Roughly twelve times. Maybe thirteen.

Let’s just be honest. This is totally possibly the reason why the movies are so popular…

Doggie style doesn't sound so bad now, does it?

But not that I would ever dream of doing anything horribly offensive to this 17 year old. I mean, that would just be wrong and illegal, right? And totally delicious…

Quoting one of the ladies we were with, “I’d totally go all Mary Kay Letourneau on that shit!”

Did I mention that this was just a small group of girls going to the theater Friday night?

Yeah, there were like 30 of us...

And if you look closely, you might notice our guest of honor for the night (besides the birthday girl, of course)…

Not as yummy as that wolf dude.

To answer your questions:
1. Yes, that is a life-size cardboard cut-out of Edward Cullen. (A few of us ladies got it for the birthday girl along with bubble bath and wine so they could have a romantic evening together)
2. Yes, my arm fat really is that giggly (thanks for asking).
3. And yes, why I am humping Edward’s leg. The humping action was not captured as well as I had hoped in still photo.

It was a fabulous night of friends, drinks, hot dudes with no shirts on and pretty much every single piece of Twilight paraphernalia that is sold at Nordstrom.

I’d think about getting one of those cut-outs of Jacob if he didn’t have his stupid tee-shirt on… (*drool*)

Song title: New Moon by Paul Oakenfold

Free As A Bumble Bee

3 Sep

FREE STUFF YAY!Okay. Since the other two giveaways I’ve had are slowly giving me an ulcer, this might be the last one for while, but good news! I think it’s a doozy!!

The lovely people at The Puyallup Fair have supplied me* with not one, not two, but FOUR PAIRS OF ADMISSION TICKETS to the Fair, which starts September 11th!

Do the Puyallup!!

This year, The Fair is chock full of really cool stuff like a Weird Al exhibit and Uniqua & Pablo from the Backyardigans.

Don’t worry. I’ve already warned the Fair people that Bee is likely to either hump The Backyardigans’ legs or try to take them home with us.

Maybe both.

No, really. I really did warn them. They said that they would hire extra security…

Anyway, we’re keeping it really simple this time.

To Enter The Contest just comment below what your favorite part about going to the Fair is.

You’ll have until Monday, September 7th @ 9 p.m. PST to enter so I’ll have enough time to drop them in the mail to you! And don’t forget, FOUR PEOPLE WILL WIN!!

Good luck! And don’t forget to Do The Puyallup from September 11 – 27th!

*Seriously. Like they read the blog and everything and STILL decided to sponsor this giveaway! They even called the blog “creative”. Even Mr. Bee was shocked (as he doesn’t consider this blog very “family friendly”. haha!

A Dream Within A Dream

31 Jul

Last week, when Mr. Bee and I stayed at the Four Seasons Seattle for our Fifth Wedding Anniversary, I found my dream bathroom.

Glorious glorious bathroom

I’ll give you three attempts to guess what my favorite feature of the bathroom was…

(A) The Gargantuan Bathtub

(A) The Gargantuan Bathtub

(2) The shower that could hold roughly 7.5 people.

(2) The shower that could hold roughly 7.5 people - don't ask me how I know that...

(C) The ability to watch Godzilla while applying my makeup

(C) The ability to watch Godzilla while applying my makeup

If you answered C, Congratulations!

You’ve won a shiny new pair of, well, nothing, but you’ve proven your undying devotion to me/the blog/my life/you’re kind of a stalker but that’s cool because everybody needs a hobby (or, you know, your ability to read [see sidebar proclaiming said addiction to television]). But hey, goooooo literacy!!

Although, it was somewhat of a trick question. Because, dude, Godzilla?

I know. I know. And what’s really fucked up is that I couldn’t find anything better on the television to watch in a city where I should know all the television stations.

Stupid satellite tv in my mirror.


Song title: A Dream Within A Dream by Alan Parsons Project

You’re Still The One

24 Jul

I know it seems like I never ever talk about loving my husband, but since today is our fifth wedding anniversary, it seems like I should probably say something nice.

“Something nice.”

Okay, now that we got that bullshit* out of the way, let’s discuss what Mr. Bee and I are doing at this very moment.

Gross, I’m not going to talk about that!

Fuck, I’m gonna have to have sex tonight, huh? Lord, the things I do for love…

But I guess I can suck it up (no pun intended) since we’ll be hanging out here:



And by “Wish they were us” I really meant “I wish we looked like them.” So I’m not walking around thinking some cute model people are totally jealous of us, FYI. But I digress…


So far, I know that we have reservations at this 5 star hotel and will be shopping for our anniversary presents together.

I mean, if there is shopping that is going to happen, especially at Tiffany, you best be knowing that I want to come along!

I also know that we will be having dinner at a restaurant of Mr. Bee’s choice. He made the reservation all by himself and will only tell me these details:

1) The restaurant is within walking distance of our hotel (which great, but Mama’s gonna be in heels AND the hotel has free town car service so this bitch ain’t walking anywhere)

2) It has a Puget Sound view.

3) People eat there. (Although he didn’t confirm that they have utensils, so I am slightly worried.)

4) They serve food. (Which I guess is good since people eat there…)

5) It has a roof. (No joke. This was one of the hints he gave me.)

6) They serve beverages… even alcoholic ones. (Obviously a deal breaker.)

Hopefully I will be reporting back this weekend on our fabulous wedding anniversary celebration!

Or I’ll be too busy selling everything we own to pay for the hotel bill.

What were we thinking?!

* And by “bullshit”, I really mean that every single day I am thankful to be married to such a wonderful man as Mr. Bee. I won’t lie, this last year, with all of our health problems and stress, has been rough, but there is not a day goes by that I don’t wish I was spending time with him.

Thank you, bebe, for taking such good care of Bee and I. I know we are always your priority and that means the world to me. I want nothing more than to spend the next 50+ years of my life creating memories, love and (hopefully only at least one more) babies with you!

I love you.

Song title: You’re Still The One by Shania Twain

Pandora’s Box(es)

2 Jul

This week all of that crack in my youth must be catching up to me because I decided that it was time to start unpacking some of the boxes from our move.

Yes, it’s been almost a year since we moved. Your point?

So, when we were house hunting last year, we found a house that wouldn’t accept a contingent offer. Okay, technically the Sellers wouldn’t accept a contingent offer. I suspect that the house itself couldn’t give a shit.

When we realized that we would need to get our house on the market like yesterday, instead of selectively packing things and tossing useless crap that we didn’t want to take to the next house, we literally threw all of our belongings in random cardboard boxes and labeled them the best we could.

Seriously, we have boxes in our garage that are labeled “Charcoal BBQ – Pregnancy Pillow – Tupperware – Medical Supplies”.

Really, though? How the fuck did all those things manage to get in to the same box?!

Needless to say, now that we’ve gotten all of our day-to-day things unpacked, we’ve got a huge wall of boxes in our garage that still need to be sorted and, most likely, thrown away or sold at a garage sale. I’ve begun the process of slowly tearing down that wall of boxes in the hopes of maybe, someday, not being totally embarrassed when I open the garage door in front of people.

So far, I’ve discovered a few things about myself during the unpacking process:

I am a fucking pack rat.
I always thought I was so good at throwing stuff away, but apparently not. Especially when in comes to my business. I guess at some point I decided that I should keep every. single. wedding magazine I could get my hands on. Between those and my copious notes and projects from law school, I’m pretty sure that I single-handedly have killed approximately three rain forests. Sorry about that, Earth. My bad.

Throwing things away makes me feel REALLY guilty.
How do you possibly balance wanting to keep things from your childhood with trying to not be a pack rat? Sure, I want my kids to be able to see and touch cool old things, but does that mean that I really need to keep those ugly Christmas dishes that I’ll never use or some random picture frame that I got from a family friend when I was 12? I am striving for a clutter-free existence, but I feel some horrible Catholic guilt when I chuck some random thing my Grandmother gave me when I was six. And I’m not even Catholic!!

I LOVE finding old shit that I’ve forgotten about.
Every time I remember my old LiveJournal that I started in law school, I could easily spend HOURS surfing through entries, guffawing at these old stories and posts that only I (and maybe one other person) would find amusing. But when you throw in old scrapbooks, photos and whatnot from my college days? Fo’getta ’bout it. Mr. Bee gets so irritated when unpacking one box takes an hour because I’ve found some hilarious item that I must go through before continuing the job.

This unpacking thing could take a while…

Speaking of hilarious shit I’ve found while unpacking our boxes of crap, check this out:
And my 15 minutes starts...NOW.
This is my university’s daily newspaper (hence, the original name of “the Daily”). You might be asking yourself, “who is that HAWT young filly with the chic Sharon Stone from Sphere haircut?”

Or you might be asking yourself, “that’s a GIRL on the front page? She really needs to talk to her stylist…”

If that’s the case, then fuck you. But if you went with the first question, here’s your answer:
Don't ask me about the hair...
Yeah, buddy. That’s me! I forgot that one question you might ask yourself is “What the FUCK is she doing with that apple?!”

So this photo was taken during a competition between dorms my junior year of college. Here I am “apple-necking” (otherwise known as passing an apple down a line of people by only using your neck/chin). I don’t think we won that competition, but you might as well know that you are in the presence of some serious talent.

That’s right. I won the Spam carving contest.

I’ll wait a second for the shock and awe of my phenomenal success and talent to sink in…

Has your jealousy subsided yet? Don’t worry, it never will.

I won 1st place in the Spam carving contest by shaving down a block of Spam until it resembled my dorm building, complete with covered bike racks. I have to say, it was quite impressive.

Are you proud of my intellectual college achievements, Mom and Dad? Money well spent.

I’m going to start training Bee in the Fluffy Bunny competition soon. Mama’s got a legacy to maintain.

Song title: Pandora’s Box by Aerosmith