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Mom to Bee

Well, ladies and gentleman, it’s about that time…

TIME TO GIVE AWAY MORE FREE SHIT ON THE BLOG!!

FREE STUFF YAY!

Some of you may be familiar with Arla-Shay, my lover from another mother…

Arla-Shay at the Glitter Party

Arla-Shay at the Glitter Party

I swear that she normally wears far less eyeshadow and glitter. And her eyes don’t normally glow red like the Devil either.

Her husband, on the other hand, totally has a mullet.

Well, Arla-Shay has started a new Etsy store that features her awesome knitting. Seriously, even though knitting is for, like, 80-year-olds, this girl can knit with the best of them! (I jest! I jest! I wish I had the skills to knit! I’m pretty sure I would just accidentally poke both my eyes out with those big needles if I ever picked them up…)

So in honor of her Etsy debut, Arla-Shay is giving away a pair of hand-knit pink & charcoal gloves, complete with the cute stringy thing that will make sure that little devils like Bee don’t lose them!

Pink and Charcoal Gloves

The Gloves In Action!

UPDATE: I just got word from Arla-Shay that she’ll knit a pair of mittens for a boy if you’d prefer!!

So here’s the dealio to enter in the contest…

Visit Arla-Shay’s Etsy Shop (click here) and post in the comment section of this post which item is your favorite! If you’d like, you can also comment about how adorable her glove models are…

For an additional entry, sign up to receive Mom to Bee in your inbox (click here). If you are already receiving Mom to Bee in your inbox, you already qualify for the extra entry!

For shits and giggles, we’ll keep the contest going until Thursday night, 8 p.m. PST. (’cause a girl needs to be free to watch her stories). I’ll post the winner first thing Friday morning!

Good luck!!

Song title: Free As A Bumble Bee by ABBA

As my bon voyage to 2009 and to welcome in 2010, I could think of nothing better than to relive what was called by many “the party of the year”.

And by “many” I mean one person.

But that still counts, right?

A few weeks ago, Mr. Bee and I hosted the Fire & Ice Winter Formal Extravaganza House Party (aka: The Glitter Party). To be honest, the party’s title would have been longer if Evite didn’t limit you to roughly 800 characters. Fuckers.

If you remember, the decision to have said party occurred back in November when Sissy, Arla-Shay and me spent 112 hours trying on disgusting 80’s party dresses at the Goodwill Glitter Sale. We couldn’t pass up buying these eye-candy dresses for ourselves and henceforth and heretofore decided that we’d have a party simply to give ourselves a reason to wear said Dresses of The Awesome.

All in all, we invited roughly 20 people to the shindig. If you weren’t invited, don’t worry, your invite totally got lost in the mail. I SWEARS.

The only requirement was to wear something spectacularly (and disgustingly) glittery and/or sequined. Oh, and bring a horrible white elephant gift. And food to donate to a local food bank.

What can I say? You gotta work to come to one of my parties.

But with that said, my crazy ass friends did NOT let us down…

Mr. Mullet 2009 & Mrs. Federal Way circa 1984

Mr. Mullet 2009 & Mrs. Federal Way circa 1984

Mr. & Mrs. J

Mr. & Mrs. J

Yes, he IS wearing a dress, too. I mean "tunic"...

Yes, he IS wearing a dress, too. I mean "tunic"...

That is a CUSTOM-MADE suit, people. Like he *WANTED* to look like that.

That is a CUSTOM-MADE suit, people. Like he *WANTED* to look like that.

Obviously Sissy and her hubs looked FAB!

Obviously Sissy and her hubs looked FAB!

Mr. Bee kind of looked like a sparkly hobo...

Mr. Bee kind of looked like a sparkly hobo...

Big head + Little hat = hilarity!

Big head + Little hat = hilarity!

Some couples were far too cute for the party requirements.

Some couples were far too cute for the party requirements.

It doesn't get any better than this...

It doesn't get any better than this...

You might have noticed something a little different about that last photo. You know, the guy dressed head-to-toe as THE GINGERBREAD MAN! This guy was hi-larious. Like, I seriously think he should rent himself out to parties ’cause he was the mother-fuckin’ life of this one!

Not only did he dress as the Gingerbread Man (plus sparkly homemade bow tie and Chippendale-esque undies), but he kept it on ALL night. He even had to drink his alcohol through a straw placed in the mouth-hole of his costume. AND he spoke in a high-pitched Gingerbread Man voice.

The entire night.

Really, people. He NEVER broke character. Even when singing Feliz Navidad and Total Eclipse of the Heart on karaoke with his wife.

Despite the sequins and glitter that we’re still cleaning up from the party, the party was a huge success!

I think this photo says it all.

I don’t know what’s better: Mr. Bee’s expression in this photo or that Arla-Shay doesn’t even remember it happening!

Song title: Professional Party People by Basshunter

You know, if by “Jesus” you mean “Santabator” and “totally inappropriate holiday gift exchanges”.

A few weeks ago, my friends and I celebrated the season with our annual Santabator party.

“What/Who is Santabator?” you ask?

Check out here, here and here for your answers. Or more questions. You never can tell.

This year, I wanted to really remind all my friends the real reason for our Santabator celebration. So I compiled a gift that surprisingly was snatched up right away during the exchange (we have yet to determine why a friend of ours is so obsessed with these particular items…)

santabatorgift

First, I passed along a treasured gift, the giant silver crucifix. Earlier this year, when I was having issues with my anxiety, et al, Arla-Shay came over for a playdate (with her kid, duh. Not that we need the kids for a playdate; they are just a good excuse!). She told me that she knew I was going through a rough time and had brought a gift for me. It was something that her mother had given to her.

Totally thinking that she was on the level, I closed my eyes upon her request as she began to take off a necklace that she had been wearing, but had been hidden underneath her shirt. Of course, I opened my eyes to see a nice silvery corpse hanging on a cross around my neck. Totally full of The Awesome!

I felt I needed to convey my “reason for the season” sentiments a little more strongly, so off to the local Christian Outlet (where all the discontinued and damaged Christians are sold) I went!

I’ll be honest with you, part of me thought that I would catch on fire the moment I walked in to the store. And I did keep my eye out for villagers with torches and pitchforks as I did my “shopping” (otherwise known as “what is the cheapest and most Jesus-ey thing in here”).

Once I found the 50% off Christmas tee shirt and the bible accessory gift (because we all have Bibles, duh), Bee and I headed to the cashier. I think I played the role of dutiful Jesus believer accurately until Bee, who is currently obsessed with dinosaurs, pulled out her little stegosaurus toy and began teaching the cashier all about it.

Aaaaaaaaawkward.

I began giggling nervously about how funny evolution is and that my silly little daughter just likes playing make believe with the Jesus horses and ran my agnostic ass out of there as fast as you can say “NON-BELIEVER! GRAB THE TORCHES!”

But, in the end, it was all worth it to submit my contribution to the Santabator gift exchange, which also had gifts such as…

The Ass-less Banana Hammock

The Ass-less Banana Hammock

A Christmas MerMan/Stripper Ornament

A Christmas MerMan/Stripper Ornament

Spiderman Undies

Spiderman Undies

The 2-in-1 Sparkling Mullet and Car Wash

The 2-in-1 Sparkling Mullet and Car Wash


I’m not kidding. That’s REALLY what it was called!

The Ever-Popular  Bump-Its

The Ever-Popular Bump-Its


I think we all decided as a group that Bump Its, the official (bad) way to give you that ratted up hair bump look, will only work on every 1 in 5 women and only if you don’t mind a huge see-through bubble of hair on the top of your head.

But, you know, maybe that look works for some people?

After some cut-throat gift stealing, yours truly made out with a…wait for it…SNUGGIE!!

YES!! I have now joined the pop culture ranks of total consumer whore*! But I guess with the asterisk since I didn’t actually buy the Snuggie.

But I did buy Snuggies for Sissy’s entire family this year.

Even the dogs.

Okay, I’ll go back and take that asterisk off.

Song title: Jesus Is the Reason for the Season by Kirk Franklin

T’was two weeks before Christmas
And the house was full of cheer
For the much loved Santabator
Was finally here.

The presents were wrapped
The desserts were all made
And games turned disgusting
were soon to be played.

There was enough food to feed
Twenty or more souls
And a pregnant woman who just had
Not vomiting as a goal.

Every year before Christmas
We follow Santa’s lead
And take time to honor
His masturbatory needs.

And don’t forget the Mrs.
Who is also profane
For she has a strange attachment
To a large candy cane.

So every year at this time
Our friends gather together
To exchange gifts like mullet wash
And banana hammocks of patent leather.

Before the night ends
And most guests are totally lit,
We’ve all laughed so hard
That we’ve peed ourselves (just a bit).

Soon all jokes have been made
From retards to psalms
And usually some mention
of the diaphragm of Dan’s mom.

As we all depart with our gifts
Which will be used more than we’ll say
Merry Santabator to all
Each and every day.

Who DOESN'T ask Santa for an ass-less banana hammock for Xmas?

Song title: Must Be Santa by Raffi

Last Friday, a friend of mine had a birthday party where a few ladies got together to go see the new movie in the Twilight series, New Moon.

Okay, before you Twihards (which, gross, makes me think of erections) and anti-Twihards (yuck again) get all up in my grill, I must disclose that I’m only a partial TwiMom. Yes, I’ve read the books. YES, I think that the writing was horrific and that a bunch of monkeys throwing shit at a computer could’ve probably done a better job. Yes, I totally plan on seeing all of the movies. Roughly twelve times. Maybe thirteen.

Let’s just be honest. This is totally possibly the reason why the movies are so popular…

Doggie style doesn't sound so bad now, does it?

But not that I would ever dream of doing anything horribly offensive to this 17 year old. I mean, that would just be wrong and illegal, right? And totally delicious…

Quoting one of the ladies we were with, “I’d totally go all Mary Kay Letourneau on that shit!”

Did I mention that this was just a small group of girls going to the theater Friday night?

Yeah, there were like 30 of us...

And if you look closely, you might notice our guest of honor for the night (besides the birthday girl, of course)…

Not as yummy as that wolf dude.

To answer your questions:
1. Yes, that is a life-size cardboard cut-out of Edward Cullen. (A few of us ladies got it for the birthday girl along with bubble bath and wine so they could have a romantic evening together)
2. Yes, my arm fat really is that giggly (thanks for asking).
3. And yes, why I am humping Edward’s leg. The humping action was not captured as well as I had hoped in still photo.

It was a fabulous night of friends, drinks, hot dudes with no shirts on and pretty much every single piece of Twilight paraphernalia that is sold at Nordstrom.

I’d think about getting one of those cut-outs of Jacob if he didn’t have his stupid tee-shirt on… (*drool*)

Song title: New Moon by Paul Oakenfold

Being a 30-year old parent, I have found myself surrounded by two groups of friends: The Childless and The Parents (also known as Those Who Have Blown Out Their Vaginas or T.W.H.B.O.T.V.s for short).

And don’t worry you Ceasarian-birth moms, you get an honorary blown out vagina.

You’re welcome.

Obviously I spend a lot of time with The Parents, as The Childless are busy being hip and urban and not wiping shit out of two-year-old butt cracks.

But whenever I get together with The Childless Hipsters (and I use that term in a positive I’m-totally-jealous-of-you kind of way), conversation usually comes around to parenting and/or childbirth. See, most of my Childless Hipster friends are the same age as me, but more recently married and not quite ready to jump in to the pool of breeding just quite yet.

I, being of The Parents, try my damnest every time we socialize to convince them that getting knocked up is fun and they should do it post haste.

But last week I realized that maybe my tactics of describing my torn up labia and birth canal the size of a woolly mammoth may not be exactly enticing.

Whether they want to hear about it or not (but sometimes they do!), we discuss everything from pooping on the table during labor, infants projectile vomiting on you, poo blow-outs and how to remove a onesie successfully (aka: without dragging poop all over your preshus widdle bebe) and the ups and downs (mostly downs) of incontinence.

Now, of course these make terrific horror stories to share with your Childless friends, but I’ve been finding it difficult to convince them that all these things are inconsequential when it comes to your squishy widdle bebe-kins.

Pooping during delivery? You don’t even know you did it. And everyone does it. So really, if you are part of the in-crowd, not only will you WANT to poo on the table, you’ll be proud you did.

Coated in projectile vomit? You don’t have time to gag. You are immediately concerned as to your bebe’s welfare. Only later will you be concerned about the welfare of your new cashmere sweater.

Oh wait. But you aren’t Childless anymore. So you won’t be wearing a new cashmere sweater. The reason why you will be un-phased by the vomit is because your Old Navy tee will be covered in spit-up stains by then. Maybe this projectile vomit will complete the abstract pattern you were going for…

But none of these arguments seem to work.

So now I’m stuck trying to put in to words how amazing is it to be a parent.

Like the first time they turn to you (without prompting, thankyouverymuch) and say, “Mommy, you so beautiful” or learn to spell a new word all on their own or even bump their head while playing and the only thing that can make it better is a hug and kiss from you…

And how, no matter how many times you complain about having to watch The Wiggles again, the minute you get a break away from the house without your children, the only thing you can think about is them: what are they doing? Are they okay? Do they miss you because you sure as hell miss them.

And when you come home from running errands, the look on their face, that pure amazing expression of love, and the shriek of “Mommy!!” as they run open-armed toward you…that, my friends, that is why being a parent is the best job in the world.

And getting to use the carpool lane every day ain’t too shabby either.

Song title: The Parent Trap by Lizard Music

Recently, some drama arose regarding a very old post, which honestly is such old news. I could go in to the sordid, dramatic details but rehashing the hurt feelings from my honest and, if I do say so myself, hilarious words would probably only make things worse at this point.

But it does flow nicely in to a topic that I’ve wanted to post about for a while. That topic is: Honesty.

I think we can all agreed that I can be a little blunt, a little call-’em-as-I-see-’em. But if there is one thing I’ve learned from this whole blogging experience, it’s that the truth shall set you free.

Seriously. I just wrote that. (We can all gag in unison now.)

But fer reals, yo. I don’t think I have felt anything as liberating as being completely truthful, whether the person wants to hear it or not (which, of course has it’s own repercussions).

The first time I experienced the cathartic release of honesty was back in the olden days when I wrote my Losing My Religion post.

Months prior to writing that post, I had become part of a local Bunco group (Shut up. Rolling Dice isn’t just for old ladies anymore! However, momnesia and fatigue plus wine and having to count things is kind of conundrum for me. Too much work. But I digress…). It quickly became very obvious to me that these ladies were not only religious (hi ladies!) but religion played a very large and important role in their lives. To each his/her own, right?

While no one brought up the topic with me directly, I was always on pins and needles waiting for the inevitable, “So which church do you go to?” to which I would be horribly uncomfortable wondering if they would (1) stone me in the public square, or (2) (worse) not invite me back to play with them when I told them that church/organized religion/God/et al is not really my thing (which, in itself is a total understatement).

Months later, after creating this blog as a way to funnel my verbal incontinence and commemorate Bee’s early years in an embarrassing and completely inappropriate manner, I decided that come hell or high water I would out myself and my views on the topic.

And you know what happened?

Nothing.

Well, nothing except that I suddenly was having an exponentially better time at Bunco because you know what? Now they knew the real me. They read the blog (hello, again, ladies!) and suddenly I wasn’t scared that they would gasp and be all “why I never!” if I accidentally dropped an F-bomb during a round (which, I’m guessing that they probably still gasp but just an inward, silent one. Or maybe it’s outward but I’m just too busy laughing at my own jokes to notice. I guess we’ll never know…).

And just the other day, I tried this whole honesty thing out on some friends of mine. Last month or so, when I was really having a hard time with my anxiety and stress and, let’s be honest, emotionally I think I was hanging on by a thread, I had invited a few mommy friends to a local park so the kids could play together. They never responded to my invitation, but it was totally the definition of last minute, so I wasn’t upset.

Since it was on the way (and I’m kind of a stalker…sorry, but we’re being honest, right?), I happened to drive by one of their houses on the way home, only to see that the other mom was there, also. And (SHOCK – how could it be?!?!) I had not been invited.

Now to the normal person (maybe even the “normal” Mama Bee when she’s not having a serious mental breakdown), this probably wouldn’t be a big deal. But for me, then, I was thoroughly convinced that my (1) friends didn’t like me, (2) I was a black sheep outcast because of my cold, barren womb, and (3) basically I was an unlovable, sucky friend who would die alone and friendless. Okay, maybe that third one is exaggerating just a bit, but poor Mr. Bee couldn’t convince me to save his life that my friends actually did like me, etc., etc.

With the help of an understanding (and obviously, much more wise) friend, I was convinced that No, my friends didn’t hate me, and Yes, I was crazy.

Some Xanax and Zoloft later, I confessed my craziness to my friends recently and now it’s just something funny that crazy, unstable Mama Bee did.

And I feel so much better knowing that they know what I was feeling and going through! (Albeit, they probably think I’m a crazy stalker now, but if the shoe fits…)

Of course, you are forced to walk that thin and wobbly line of being honest and the possibility of hurting someone’s feelings. Like do you really tell a friend that they’ve hurt your feelings when it’s too late for anything to be done about it? Do you passive-aggressively tell a friend of a friend in the hope that your feelings will eventually get back to the target without you actually having to confront them yourself? (Not that I would ever dream of doing something like that…)

Or, if you’re like me, you just write about it on your blog.

Song title: Honestly Speaking by DJ Green Lantern

This last weekend, Mr. Bee and I were honored to witness a wonderful friend of ours get married. The wedding was absolutely stunning.

I mean, it was a little embarrassing for the bride. A beautifully tented reception with an open bar, delicious food, a handmade engraved cigar bar (made by the father of the groom for the event), followed by dancing and a fireworks display? All hosted at the bride’s parents’ home on the water?

Can we say ghetto?

I mean, really people. We were really slumming it this weekend.

"Awwwwww"

We tried to class the place up the best we could, but there only so much two people can do, you know?

I spent days and days searching for the dress I would wear to this event. Ann Taylor? Nothing. Banana Republic? Nothing. J.Crew? Nothing (that doesn’t cost $800 plus an ovary).

Finally I hit Nordstrom and found a dress that not only included the wedding color (purple) but unbeknownst (that’s totally a word right? Fuck you, spell check.) to me until this weekend, was actually the exact wedding colors!

With an outfit picked out and a few days to the big event, everything was going swimmingly until I realized…

It’s August.

As in we-started-trying-to-get-pregnant-NINE-fucking-months-ago August.

It’s actually gone by fairly quickly. When May came along and we had our trip to Vegas, I had expected to be about 3 or 4 months pregnant by then, but hey – now I could drink in Vegas so happy, happy, joy, joy for me, right?

Then came July and I needed to get a colonoscopy. Since you can’t be pregnant and have the procedure, we tried to fit it in to the schedule without missing an opportunity to knock me up. Well, that didn’t work out so well and we ended up missing our window of opportunity (or as I like to call it the “hump like bunnies” window) for July.

And now it’s August.

And I had always just assumed that the dress I would wear to this wedding last weekend would be a maternity dress. In fact, I kind of assumed it would be a LARGE muu-muu styled maternity dress, because (duh) I would be super pregnant by now.

Well, wrong.

And before you go all “Oh. Em. Gee. Things totally happen for a reason.” (because, gag) or “It’s totally because you’re fer reals stressing about it. You should just goooo with the floooow.” (because shutthefuckup, kthnxbei), I have to say that I’m handling it pretty well. Obviously.

Okay, so “Patiently Waiting” might be an overstatement…

But here is something to consider: Since we’ve started trying, which (side note) is kind of an understatement, right? I mean, if I “try” to do the dishes, it doesn’t involve strategic planning, timing, daily temperature taking, charting of said temperatures and it hardly ever requires much lube.*

Anyway, since we’ve been “trying”, not one, not two, but THREE of my close mommy friends have give birth to their little bundles. And at least one other mommy friend just found out that the goddamn Stork will be visiting her in about 9 months.

I can’t help but think that every month that goes by means my Bee and my (hopefully) future Baby Numero Dos will be further and further apart in age. I know it’s not the end of the world (quoting Aunt Becky, “SOME PEOPLE DON’T HAVE ARMS!! BE HAPPY THAT YOU AT LEAST HAVE ARMS!”), but I always thought that three years would be the furthest apart I would want the kids. Sissy and I are three years and one month apart – exactly what Bee and Bebe Numero Dos would be if I were pregnant now – and I just think that timing is perfect.

But, I guess in my heart, I know that we’ll get knocked up with the time is right. (gag. I can’t believe I just wrote that)

The silver lining? I’m really enjoying discovering new wines right now.

So by next year, I’ll either have a baby or cirrhosis of the liver.

Either way, my body will be a mess.

*I cringe on the inside knowing that my dad is going to read that. Hi Dad!

Song title: Patiently Waiting by 50 Cent

Last night, while listening to my sister try to convince my 5 year old niece that Idaho is, in fact, known for its potatoes, I recalled the very first trip I ever took with Mr. Bee.

And two of Mr. Bee’s friends.

To Vegas.

Needless to say, it was a fun and eventful trip!

But while looking back at old emails for any good stories from that trip, I found an even BETTER story to tell you, so the Vegas Road Trip story will have to wait for another time.

This is the story of how Mr. Bee and I became, well, “Mr. Bee and I.”

When I first met Mr. Bee, I was dating a guy I had met through a dorm mate of mine in college. We had been dating just a few months when I was introduced to Mr. Bee, a friend of my then boyfriend’s, at a party.

Well, I say “party” but what I really mean is a bunch of nerds getting together to play board games.

But not even party board games like Cranium or Apples to Apples. NERD board games.

Like, seriously, right? Can you picture me sitting around playing games about industry and development? Yeah, me neither.

But then I met Mr. Bee and I have to say that I always knew that something was different about this guy. Unlike my boyfriend at the time, this Bee fellow seemed to actually know how to treat his girlfriend right. In fact, all the boys used to joke that one day Mr. Bee should write a book about how to properly date/treat a girl. God knows, the other boys in the room definitely needed a lesson. Or two. Or a 12-step program.

So I was dating Ex-Boyfriend #1, let’s call him “Derek”, and Mr. Bee was busy dating another girl, who was actually Derek’s cousin.

Confused yet?

Eventually, a year and a half later, I finally broke up with Derek (which is another story for another time, but which includes a whole lot of drama and me making my debut on national radio discussing my love life) and quickly made a rebound to Ex-Boyfriend #2. After that relationship was over, I soon discovered that Mr. Bee had also broken up with his girlfriend.

What I think is hilarious is that I remember the exact moment I found out that Mr. Bee was on the market. The car I was in, the people I was with, and my very first thought being, “Oh, reeeeeeally?”

We were, in fact, in a car making our way to visit Mr. Bee. I don’t know if hormones took over at that point or what, but let’s just say that Mama laid it on T.H.I.C.K.

I had no shame.

None.

I was helplessly and hopelessly after this man who I knew was easily the most fantastic, loving, caring, funny and wonderful man that I had ever met in my 21 years. And while I thought I was using my slick charismatic ways to woo him in to submission, I guess it turns out that I was just shamelessly throwing myself at him.

Eh. Whatever works, right?

Oh, and did I forget to mention that Mr. Bee’s roommate (if you can call it that) at the time was Derek? Uh, yeah. Complicated much?

Add in my man-eater (not literally, people! My parents read this blog! Jesus.) ways, and we had a little bit of drama on our hands.

Well, actually a lot of drama. Because Derek took it upon himself to email our entire group of friends (classy) with a six paragraph email (super classy) that detailed the situation and the acceptable options (wow, really? yes, really). One of the options, of course, was my expulsion from the group. Because, you know, he was mature like that.

While I gasped at the computer screen with my jaw on the floor, Mr. Bee was busy writing a fantastic and diplomatic response to my ex-boyfriend’s tirade. And remember, at this point Mr. Bee and I were only flirting with each other, no relationship had been established.

Despite Derek’s assumptions that Mr. Bee was just “an exceptional friend and human and wouldn’t take all of [Mama Bee]’s not so subtle advances” (yikes! Was I *that* transparent?), Mr. Bee actually came over four days later to hang out with my roommate and me.

That night, while we sat side-by-side in the darkened living room, watching God knows what on television, that’s when Mr. Bee kissed me for the first time.

I think part of me knew, right then and there, that he would be the last boy I would ever kiss. And he, apparently, felt the same way because he was declaring his love (albeit, in French – thankyouverymuch online dictionaries!) a whooping four days later.

The day after our first kiss, Mr. Bee decided to email Derek and inform him of the developments. What follows is probably one of my favorite emails that I have ever read. Ever.

Derek ~

Forgive me for what I am about to announce. I know it’s chicken shit to do this in an e-mail, but here goes. You’ve been my good friend for a good long time, but I’m going to do something that might jeopardize that relationship. I know you won’t understand my desire to do this nor my motivation, but I assure you that it is a conscious decision that I have made. I also know that you would counsel me to do otherwise, as have other friends of mine. However, all of that being said; if this is a mistake, I am taking full responsibility. If this damages our friendship, I am sorry, but again I take full responsibility.

Derek, I’m gay, and I love you.

No. I didn’t mean to get your hopes up, I intend to go out with [Mama Bee], seriously. We’ve been hanging out a bit over the last week and I’m very much into her. I really enjoy her company and I think there may be potential there. I’m imagining a broad spectrum of ways you could take this, and I’ve certainly been over-thinking everything, so let me know your thoughts. I’ll certainly understand if you’re upset and/or disappointed and I’ll bear the condemnation.

~ Mr. Bee

After we declared our love, so to speak, a friend of ours, who had been on that original horrible email chain, said something that I will always remember. Something along the lines of “The timing is crap, but I think you two could really have something.”

And we do. We really do.

Schmoochy Schmooch

Song title: Jessie’s Girl by Rick Springfield

Now I don’t mean to brag or anything, but if you weren’t at my 30th birthday party on Friday night, you totally missed out!

The party started with all of my closest friends meeting up at our home in their glorious 1980’s outfits. From there, the party-goers headed out all around the South Puget Sound-ish area on a poker rally that took them in and out of public areas (to their shock and embarrassment). They had to stop at places like Mrs. Field’s, where I had cookies waiting for them to devour, and Lover’s, where I had glow-in-the-dark condoms and not-glow-in-the-dark-cuz-that’d-be-weird lube goodie bags for their enjoyment (hopefully later, in the privacy of their own homes).

Some teams even had on-lookers ask if they were part of The Amazing Race!

Yeah, because there are big camera crews following them around…

But I was truly stunned at what a good time people had with the poker rally. There are still rumors and stories floating around of cars racing up to 90 miles per hour, teams cheating, and participants running their asses off against each other to be the first at a pit stop! I guess when you’re dressed like this, you have to be in the mood for fun!

Mall Rats and Madonna?

After the winners of the poker rally were declared, we headed over to the local roller rink for a couple hours of skating.

And let me tell you, NOTHING makes you feel old like roller skating for an hour and being EXHAUSTED!!

I don’t know if words can convey what an awesome time was had by all, so here are some hilarious photos for your enjoyment:

Buffy, Jem and the authentic 80's floral dress!
Statler & Waldorf and Buffy & Chet
Rad Roller Skating
Mr. Bee as Ted, Mama as Madonna and the two Roller Lovebirds

But my FAVORITE costumes were these:
Sissy
Duder (and winner of the best costume of the night!)
Roller King

I can honestly say that I have never had as much fun as I had on Friday night. I don’t know if it was just the pure fun of all of it or being able to watch my friends enjoy themselves so much, but my 30th birthday will be a day I always remember.

Thank you so much to all of my friends who not only attended, but really got in to the 1980’s spirit! Without you, I wouldn’t have had nearly as much fun.

And I would’ve been deemed the creepy Madonna fanatic who roller skates by herself on a Friday night.

Song title: Party People…Friday Night by 911