Mom to Bee

What is the one thing every stay-at-home-mom with a tantrum-throwing preschooler and an almost five-month old baby needs for Christmas? Did you guess a 1000 piece puzzle? Yeah, neither did I. I’ll get right on that, right after I get more than two hours consecutive sleep and get to go to the bathroom unaccompanied by [...]

I think I can honestly say that I have never associated myself with the Stepford Wife stereotype. Pretty sure if you have read more than five lines of this shit-tastic blog, you can tell that I’m not what one would call “prim and proper” by any means. But two years ago (woot!), we moved our [...]

You know what makes you totally feel like an alcoholic? You know, besides drinking a ton of the alky on a regular basis. Being pregnant. Can I get a holla, moms?? During both pregnancies, the thing I craved the worst was just a chug sip of some booze juice. With Bee, I craved red wine [...]

Typically, when one thinks of a baby shower, you think of smelling melted candy in diapers, lots of “oooh”ing and “aaaah”ing and, well, general boredom. I mean, is anyone ever really excited to get an invitation to someone’s baby shower. Shit, I am pregnant and the idea doesn’t even sound good to me. That is, [...]

A few weeks ago, I celebrated my *cough* thirty-first *cough* birthday with my friends and family. You see, when my family celebrates any occasion, a lot of pride and thought goes in to the type of card you will be receiving. My mom and Sissy subscribe to the thoughtful card-giving school, complete with flowers, butterflies [...]

This last weekend, Sissy, Arla-Shay and I kicked our families to the curb and high-tailed it out of town to the San Juan Islands for a little girl time. Ooh, that sounds a little gay. And it was. Totally. Let’s just say that it’s a good thing I had a pregnancy pillow as a boundary [...]

Something horrible is happening today. Really, really horrible. My iddly biddly squishee bebeh is turning ((gasps with horror)) THREE YEARS OLD!! Sweet Jesus, I’m old. Seriously, when did I give her permission to go from a squishy little infant to a full-grown toddler?! I don’t remember signing that memo, dammit! In celebration of her birthday, [...]

We will find out if our little nugget Cletus is a hamburger or a hotdog (girl or a boy) on March 23rd. It seems like lately whenever someone realizes that I’m pregnant and not just letting myself go (to be fair, I am letting myself go as well), the first question out of their mouth [...]

Last week, Sissy and I took the families to Seaside, Oregon for a quaint little beach house vacation. And by “quaint” I mean that our beach house was 3700 square feet. Sah-weet!! Seriously, you would’ve died. The bathrooms alone were enough to make me wet myself a little. You could have literally fit about 10 [...]

Who has the most awesome father in the whole wide world? I do! Why? Because he found these to give as a gift to Baby Bee. That’s right. Candy cigarettes. For his granddaughter. I’m still laughing my ass off about it! And I’m SO taking these to Vegas with me…