High Noon
17 Sep
Open scene on a messy suburban kitchen.
A disheveled mother fixes lunch for her, up until then, pleasant two year old daughter.
The lunch will consist of chicken noodle soup and, well, chicken noodle soup.
Martha Stewart I am not, people.
As the mother and child sit down across from one another, the daughter adamantly refuses to eat after a mere two or three bites.
A strange quiet blankets the kitchen and surrounding areas.
A pair of tumble weeds blow by.
And so begins the Lunch Stand-off of 2009.
Her two chief weapons: horrible fake crying noises and snot dripping out of her nose.
My two chief weapons: fear and surprise. And my complete indifference to her suffering.*
The challenge: succeed in forcing her to eat one. Last. Bite. Of lunch before getting down from the table.
She fake cries.
She real cries.
But I hold strong. My will cannot be broken.
I reason with her, “One last bite and you can get down and play,” in my best sing-song voice.
And she refuses.
I give her ultimatums, “You eat this bite or you are going in time-out.”
And still, she refuses.
I give her, well, no choice in the matter, “You are staying in this seat until you eat this one. Last. Bite.”
I can feel my strength weaken as I remember the days, oh so many days, that I had to sit at the dinner table long after every one else had left, because I hadn’t finished my meal.
But, no. Even if just on principle, I will win this battle today. I will be victorious!
I motion her over, to come sit on my lap so I can clean her gushing snot out of her nose and reason with her yet again. As she sits on my lap, instantly I am wet.
She has peed through her diaper. Her diaper that I’ve been begging her to let me change.
Touché, my friend. Touché.
A diaper change and one last attempted force-feeding later, it’s straight off to bed. No milk or story. Noodle still uneaten. Carrot smooshed in to the laminate floor.
And as I sit here, in the comfy chair, surrounded by nothing by the hum of the laptop and dishing washer running, I can’t help but feel that I’ve won. But also lost.
It’s a draw this time, little lady.
Next time, you’re all mine.
*If you get the Spanish Inquisition reference, you are fucking awesome.
Song title: High Noon by Frankie Laine
The Cool Kids