Mom to Bee

A few weeks back, my in-laws gave me a gift certificate for a maternity massage at Gene Juarez. First of all, best present ever! Secondly, I can’t believe it took me so long to make the appointment, but I finally got around to scheduling my massage for this week. Maybe it’s just me (I’m guessing [...]

Okay, first of all, can we take a second to acknowledge that, Holy Hairy Monkey Balls, this kid is going to be out of my body is less than 60 days. Dood. There are a lot things that I’m going to miss once this pregnancy is over (as I am going to give my doctor [...]

A week or so ago, I had that one OB/GYN appointment that everyone dreads… The one where they open your vagina up like a can of sardines? Nope. Kind of used to that by now. The one where they swab your butt with a giant Q-tip testing for God knows what (oh, and also ask [...]

Wow. That is all I have to say about today’s song title. Wow. And awesome. Okay, those are the TWO things I want to say about today’s song title. Wow, awesome, and who the fuck are Alice Donut? Okay, there are THREE things I wanted to say about today’s song title… Anywho, for those of [...]

Holy night sweats, Batman. I am completely out of practice when it comes to this whole pregnancy thing. With Bee, I was mostly pregnant during the winter, which was not only awesome because I felt like I had some magical superhero power to stay warm all the time, but also saved me the expense of [...]

I’m sure it’s been clear to my tens of readers that lately I have been kind of full of the writers block. Let’s be honest, I used to post at least four times a week and now I’m averaging… (does math in head) (still doing math) (resorts to computer calculator only to be distracted by [...]

Okay, first of all, how totally awesome it is that I had my choice of THREE song titles that feature the word “placenta”? Pretty awesome, I think. While we happen to be on the topic of placentas (best transition EVER), this morning I got a message from the hospital saying that the doctor reviewed my [...]

Today is the big day! I’ve been dying to tell you all about the newest addition to the Bee family and now I finally can!! It was kind of weird at first, figuring that I hadn’t been in for a while. The place was absolutely packed but everyone is always so welcoming. After waiting for [...]

And by “horse”, I mean “baby”. Duh. Exactly one week from today, The Bee Family (meaning me) will get all jellied up and have a ultrasound wand shoved unceremoniously in to my abdomen to determine if the baby is retarded is a Cletus or a Peaches. Oh, did I not tell you about “Peaches”? As [...]

And by “Georgia”, I mean “my house and took over the body of my toddler” because… Oh. My. Goodness. Sorry. Language, I know. HOLY. FUCK. Seriously, people. The last four days have been torment. It all started on Saturday when the Mr. and I thought we’d treat Bee to a Dinosaur Day at a museum [...]