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The Spirit of 2009

4 Jan

It seems like now that the new year is here, everyone is declaring their two-thousand-and-hate for 2009. For some reason, I was really surprised at all the “OMG, 2009 sucked my cornhole! Happy NYE!” updates on Facebook last week. Maybe it’s just me (and I’m sure that there is some likelihood that it is just me), but I didn’t think 2009 was all that bad.

But hear me out, people, because gawd knows I didn’t have a smooth ride of it.

First let’s remember that I spent roughly 8 months of 2009 shitting myself. On my awesome scale, that ranks right around getting my vag sewn up for 45 minutes after getting Bee ripped from my vag.

Side note: it occurred to me the other day that I haven’t written, in detail of course because duh, about my Bee birth story. It’s more of a Bee-forcefully-ripped-from-my-baby-hole story, but I’ll get to that later.

Next, to deal with my ass-exploding problems, I started pooping, I mean popping pills (legal and prescribed, just to be clear) and saw a therapist for the first time in my life.

I made new friends and lost some friends.

I/we struggled to get pregnant for 12 months. That’s a lot of sex, people. 2009 was exhausting, yo.

Mr. Bee lost so much blood that he got a free trip to the ER with a complimentary blood transfusion. Oh wait, that shit wasn’t free? Damn!

But even with all that (literal) shit to deal with, I still can’t say that 2009 was total suckage. Mr. Bee is now back to 90, okay, 80, okay 75 percent, but with all those issues I think we’ve gotten a better hold on some of his symptoms.

Through my poo issues and therapy, not only did I recognize behavior and symptoms I’ve been having all my life in response to anxiety and agoraphobia, but I also got amazing feedback on difficult personal relationships that I was dealing with.

Mama Bee’s Advice to Live By: Don’t make someone a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs.

And even better, I came away in 2009 with a reconnection with a old friend that, sweet Flying Spaghetti Monster, I really needed! The timing really couldn’t have been better.

Probably most frustrating was spending all year “trying” for a baby. As every month drifted by, I couldn’t help but think of how much bigger the age gap between kids was getting. But struggling for Cletus reminded us to be thankful for what we have and to not take anything for granted (especially how easy you think it will be to get knocked up).

So even though 2009 was filled with our fair share of bodily fluids, and I can’t believe I’m actually going to post these words, everything we went through had a purpose.

If the only lesson I took away from last year is that needles in your vagina can impregnate you, then I consider 2009 a success.

Song title: The Spirit of 2009 by Dada

New Year’s Resolution

3 Jan

Cheers, bitches!Here is a Year-In-Review to help me be more funny and concise (Resolution #1).
(stolen from Becky at Mommy Wants Vodka)

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I bought a house that isn’t older than I am! Our previous home was about 6 years older than I am and boy, did it show. Hopefully I won’t be so run down when I’m 35…

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Honestly, I don’t know that I made any resolutions last year, but I’m sure they would’ve been to sell our house and lose weight. We were lucky enough to sell the house in May and somehow I dropped the rest of my baby weight from Baby Bee this year just in time to get knocked up and fat again in 2009. Hence, my resolutions for 2009 are: (1) lose more weight, (2) get pregnant, and (3) try not to gain 800 pounds with said fetus.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes! Sissy had 3 of 3 in February! This year was more the Year of the Wedding than the Year of the Baby with my friends, though.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Luckily, no. Mr. Bee had some work collegues pass away, but not any super close friends or relatives.

5. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A flat stomach? Yeah, I’m guessing my stomach is going to be bigger in 2009 than it was in 2008…

Less stress? It was looking good, but now I think I’m going to keep working so that changes things a bit.

How about less trivial arguments with Mr. Bee? That would be nice!

6. What countries did you visit?
While technically not a “country,” I’m totally going to count going to New Jersey for Sissy’s 3 of 3′s birth. Everything there is just…different.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why:
I’m gonna go with Baby Bee’s first birthday party. A lot of planning went in to that and I think it went off well.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
A couple things come to mind:
- starting this blog and not abandoning it after a week
- the fact that people other than Sissy and Mrs. J actually read this POS of a blog
- Baby Bee recognizing all her letters by 19ish months. I gotta take some credit for that craziness!
- not killing myself and/or others when forced to live in an apartment for 3 months while in between houses
- learning how to live (somewhat) frugally [parenthetical added by Mr. Bee]
- purchasing my first ever (nice) new appliances! Fancy fridges and washer/dryers are awesome!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Well, geez. I don’t think anything I did this year was an epic fail or anything…If I really think hard I can come up with:
- not exposing Baby Bee to more things outside of the house (playdates, childrens museums, etc.)
- not working harder on my business
- slacking on yard work that desperately needs to be done
- letting motherhood overwhelm me and my self-confidence
- letting the changes in my body after blowing out my babyhole affect how I perceive myself (both emotionally and physically)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Did you forget the Traumatic Toe Incident of 2008?! Totally crippling.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Anyone who voted for Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Anyone who voted in support of Proposition 8 in California. For shame, people. For shame.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Most definitely this:

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I gotta go with this:

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

Viva La Vida by Coldplay, even though it’s totally a rip-off.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Do I have to be either? I think I’m about the same, honestly.

ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner! YIPPPPEEEE! (oy, not for long. Son of a…)

iii. richer or poorer? ’bout the same?

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Spent time with my husband. Only one more month of him working away from home.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

20. What was your favorite TV program?
Uh, do you know me at all? Hi. I’m Mama Bee and I’m a TiVo Junkie. To force me to pick just one television show is surely against the Geneva Convention in regards to cruel and unusual punishment so I’ll try to narrow it down to a half dozen or so:
- Burn Notice
- Pushing Daisies
- Big Bang Theory
- Psych
- How I Met Your Mother
- The Amazing Race (you gotta love the guy so uncoordinated he couldn’t even do a WALKING challenge)
- The Office (Mr. Bee got mad at me a few weeks ago when I was constantly laughing through out the entire episode and he couldn’t hear the dialog over my cackling.)

21. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Yikes. “Hate” is a pretty strong word. I gotta say no. Tempting, but no.

22. What was the best book you read?
Do blogs count?

23. What was your greatest musical discovery?
American Idol for the Wii. Okay, others may not think that me screaming in to a microphone and waking my baby from a deep coma nap is a “great musical discovery”, but Paula Abdul said I was amazing. ‘Cause, you know, she’s a very discerning judge of talent. She wouldn’t just say that to any body, would she?

I also discovered Julia Nunes this year on YouTube. Totally fab.

24. What was your favorite film of this year?
Wow. That’s totally assuming that I am a hip hipster that actually leaves the house sans child to go to grown-up movies. Luckily I have a, uh, relative who enjoys being a pirate (arrrr!), so I get to see lots of good movies via DVD (if I ever get around to watching them). My choices (because I am indecisive): Dark Knight for action. Sex & The City Movie for fluffy girlie fun. *Disclaimer: I seriously have only watched like five movies this year so this is not a very well-educated critique!*

25. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you (optional)?
I turned a whopping 29 in 2008 and is it bad that I totally don’t remember what I did? I think I did brunch…wait no! Melting Pot! Super yums!

26. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being independently wealthy and magically having all stress zapped away. Get working on that, will ya?

27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
I think my style is like if Charlotte from S&TC wasn’t rich and had to wear mom jeans to hold her gut in.

28. What kept you sane?
This is sane?!

29. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I have a serious “tv crush” (as I like to call it) on Denny Duquette from Grey’s Anatomy (otherwise known as Jeffrey Dean Morgan). Did you know that Morgan hails from Seattle? Yeah, just about shat myself when I found that out.

30. What political issue stirred you the most?
Besides the general election, Prop 8 in California and the insanity revolving around an anti-religion sign posted at our state capitol building for the holidays. Even got a death threat with that last one!

31. Whom did you miss?
My pre-pregnancy body and my friends when motherhood trumped socializing.

32. Who was the best new person you met?
Definitely all my new blog and mom group friends. Also, even though it is not a “new” person, I have started a new friendship with one of Mr. Bee’s longtime friends (which is cool and weird and deserves a post devoted to it).

33. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
Well, I learned it in 2007 and 2008, but here it is:
Even though you might think that you could never love another person as much as you love your husband/wife/partner/significant other/dog/cat/turtle/etc., you do not know true, all-consuming love until you have child. (Disclaimer: I friggin’ hate people who say “you just couldn’t understand unless you are a parent…” so I apologize if this comes off all douchey.)

Being a mom has taught me love, patience, selflessness, discipline, strength (physical and mental strength) and, above all, how to be just plain silly!

34. What quote sums up your year?
I’ve got two:
“Meow, meow.” and “Jealous??”

Happy New Year, everybody!

Song title: New Year’s Resolution by Apartment 26