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I Was Confused (About the Television Set) – Part Three

16 Sep

It wasn’t until this week when I realized that these premieres are just around the corner! Some already debuted last week! Arg!! Here is another segment of the Fall Show Preview!!

Fall Television Schedule – 2009/2010 Season – Wednesday Nights

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ABCABC’s Wednesday line-up is all brand new, starting off on a bad note (in my opinion) with the debut of Hank. Kelsey Grammar stars as Hank Pryor who is a legendary entrepreneur who loses his CEO job and is forced to move out of New York City and back to the sticks with his family. ABC is definitely playing off of today’s economy with the story line and I’m guessing that if you like Kelsey Grammar, you might like Hank.

I, on the other hand, do not. I find Grammar to be the epitome of annoying. In fact, I can’t even believe that he’s on yet another show. But hell, Two and a Half Men is in it’s seventh season this year, so maybe there is something to this washed-up annoying actor casting thing?

Following my own personal hell on earth Hank, The Middle debuts, starring Patricia Heaton and Chris Kattan.

It’s almost like ABC is trying to get me to watch another station on Wednesday. Speaking of annoying actors, Patricia Heaton definitely falls in to that category for me. I loved her in Everybody Loves Raymond, but something about those commercials she was always in or all the horrible television shows she’s attempted since, I am not looking forward to this show, which features her as a “loving wife and mother of three, she’s middle class in the middle of the country and is rapidly approaching middle age.” Yawn.

After the snooze-fest of the 8 o’clock hour, ABC finally will attempt to redeem themselves with Modern Family. From the commercials, this show looks hilarious. It features three different couples (all related somehow, I believe) and stars Al Bundy himself (Ed O’Neill) as Jay and Julie Bowen as Claire. Here is a rundown of the couples (from the ABC website):

“Jay recently married Gloria. Now Jay is trying hard to keep up with his much younger and hotter Colombian wife, along with her passionate pre-teen son, Manny. Claire is having a hard time raising her own family. Her husband Phil is great, except that he thinks he’s “down” with their three kids, much to all their embarrassment. And, Mitchell and his enthusiastic partner Cameron have just made a major life change by adopting a Vietnamese baby named Lily.”

I’m hoping that this show lives up to it’s funny promos. I’ll keep my fingers crossed.

I think most of us by now have heard of Courtney Cox’s new show, Cougar Town. Cox plays a recent divorcee who must enter in to the meat-market-esque world of dating at the ripe age of 40, well, something. The promos and commercials look funny, but this is a show that I worry might not live up to the hype.

Last on ABC’s Wednesday line-up, because God forbid anything old NOT be remade, is a modern rendition of “The Witches of Eastwick” or simply Eastwick. For the four of you that haven’t ever seen the original movie, this show will focus on three very different, but strangely similar women who live in the hamlet of Eastwick. Despite their differences, they become friends and begin to discover some very “unusual” talents. Enter a strange, dark and handsome new man to town with talents of his own, and wacky hijinks and mystery ensue.

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CBSCBS starts it’s Wednesday night with another season of New Adventures of Old Christine. It originally took me a while to watch Christine and while it’s not high on the To-Record priority list, it definitely gets a Season Pass and a Thumbs Up from me. I lurv Julia Louise-Dreyfus, who plays a divorcee raising her son Richie with the help of her ex-husband (who is in a relationship with a NEW woman named Christine, hence the “Old Christine” title), her brother, Matthew, (who is HI-larious and darn cute, too) and her best friend, Barb (played by Wanda Sykes).

NAOOC is cute, light-hearted and just what a girl wants to watch midweek. And did I mention how cute Matthew is? (Sooooo cute).

So, I’ve never actually watched Gary Unmarried because I kind of can’t stand Jay Mohr most of the time. Reading up on the premise of the show, it seems like the focus is on Gary and his ex-wife bitching at each other about their lives and children. Needless to say, I’m not too sold on watching this. And honestly, we all know I don’t need ANOTHER show to add to the Season Pass list. This one is DEFINITELY not on it.

After avoiding Gary Unmarried, I quickly will switch back to CBS to watch Criminal Minds. This show, which follows a group of FBI Behavior Analysts (profilers), is one of my all time favorites. This was originally my dream job and it rocks my socks off every week.

Finally, we have the return of the red-headed stepbrother of CSI and CSI: Miami, CSI: NY. Since every single CSI is the same (i.e. horrible writing and line delivery), I’ve never really had an inclination to sit through an entire episode of CSI: NY. But at least it doesn’t have the annoying David Caruso sunglass-removal scene. That’s one plus for NY.

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What does CW stand for, anyway?The CW, America’s trashy teen channel, hits us hard on Wednesdays with America’s Next Top Model, the catty, hair-pulling, drama-filled and ultimately super-fantastic modeling competition, and The Beautiful Life: TBL.

From what I can tell, The Beautiful Life (colon) TBL (redundant, anyone?) is the fictional drama version of ANTM. Cut-throat models plus secret pasts plus some hot Iowa farmboy = certain drama and scandal. CW has ordered 13 episodes; I’ll be amazed if three make it to air.

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FoxyFOX’s Wednesday line-up actually debuted last week (alert! Set your TiVos now!!) SYTYCD, everyone’s favorite, followed up by Glee. I haven’t watched the season opener of SYTYCD yet, but I did sit down for Glee and was inspired to write a post focusing just on Glee.

Long post made short: Glee is fucking awesome. Like super duper crazy love it and want to marry it (and the actor that plays the Glee Club teacher because YUM!!).

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peaCOCKMercy begins the Wednesday line-up on NBC and one can only assume that it is yet another response to the lack of E.R. (see Trauma as well). Mercy is a drama focusing on three nurses, one of which is a rookie and another has just returned from duty in Iraq. Looks like it has some possibility of not sucking, but we’ll see, I guess.

Moving to Wednesdays at 9 o’clock is an oldie, but a goodie: Law & Order: SVU. I’ll be honest, I don’t know who is hotter, Christopher Meloni or Mariska Hargitay? Let’s be real, they’re both on the laminated card, am I right?

After last season’s crazy ending (the cute yet annoying as shit medical examiner going bat shit crazy and killing people), I can’t wait to see where this season goes! Definitely Season Pass worthy.

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The Final Wednesday Night Rundown

New Shows This Season:
The Middle
Modern Family
Cougar Town
The Beautiful Life: TBL

Thumbs Up:
New Adventures of Old Christine
Criminal Minds
America’s Next Top Model
So You Think You Can Dance
Law & Order: SVU

Thumbs Down:
Gary Unmarried

Song title: I Was Confused (About The Television Set) by Ten Hands

Grounds for Divorce

6 Mar

For more of my thoughts on the Gosselins, check out this recent post!

gosselinsLike the Brady Bunch, only in reverse.

Have you heard this rumor about Jon & Kate Gosselin (I always think their last name is Gosling, I don’t know why)?

Apparently, Jon & Kate Plus Eight might be changing to Jon Minus Nine soon.  According to, Jon and Kate might be on the brink of divorce due to Jon spending more and more time away from home and partying with college girls.

Okay, first of all, how about if we all just get honest and say it: If they are considering a divorce, it might have something to do with the fact that they HAVE EIGHT CHILDREN. Sometimes Baby Bee makes me want to pack my bags and head out for a pack of smokes (aka: a permanent vacation in Mexico), so I can only imagine want having 8 kids will do to you!

Those of you who have watched Jon & Kate Plus Eight know that Kate isn’t always the sweetest wife to Jon. But really, who is? Don’t tell me that you never interrupt your husband or call him a dumbass.

Shit, I do that on a daily basis.

Okay, but maybe I don’t do it on national television.

But I probably would, given the opportunity.

Anywho, whether or not they get  a divorce, Kate will probably still irritate the hell out of me.

Because if I had 8 kids, I’d be exactly like her.

Song title: Grounds for Divorce by Elbow

Eagle Eye

24 Feb

jasonmesnickIn case you didn’t already realize, I’m kind of a fan of The Bachelor. Well, I just finished watching this week’s Women Tell All episode and spent all yesterday wrapped up in some online conspiracy theories.

One theory is that Jason Mesnick (sigh…he’s so dreamy) chooses fan favorite Melissa. At the very beginning of the season, ABC gave us a little “this season on The Bachelor” preview including shots from the proposal at the end of the season. These few shots showed the audience (1) the dress color of the woman Jason chooses and her (2) skin tone, (3) hair color, (4) height, and (5) a pinky ring on the woman’s right hand. All signs lead to Melissa.

But wait. There’s more.

I just noticed something that throws a little wrench in that Bachelor theory. These videos and screen shots are from the end of The Bachelor: The Women Tell All episode when it previews next week’s finale:

Video preview of Molly

Video preview of Melissa

Did you catch it? Here are the screenshots of importance:

Molly's Ring

Molly's Ring

Melissa's Ring

Melissa's Ring - as seen in a mirror reflection

So it looks like the Ring Conspiracy doesn’t hold as much water as initially thought. But Jason will still choose Melissa, propose, and live happily ever after. Or so I hope.

Song title: Eagle Eye by Heatmiser

A Secret Secret

10 Feb

I have a secret.

Did I mention that I’m terrible with secrets?

I’ll be able to tell you about this secret in a few weeks, but I do fear that if I don’t get to talk about it soon my brain will explode in to tiny little gossiping fragments, killing me instantly and/or resulting in an orgasmic relief of story-telling.

I will say that what I may or may not be able to talk about may or may not have something or nothing to do with an event I participated in last night.


You WILL be jealous.

Let’s just say it is the fodder for many a fantasy now.


I promise to write up the post today (so I don’t forget anything juicy) and post it as soon as I’m given the Thumbs Up from the (wo)Man in Charge. There will be photos too.

A Secret Secret by Ashley Stove

Date Bait

13 Jan

The Top Ten Dating Tips from ABC’s The Bachelor

1. Be a stalker. Nothing makes a first impression like knowing a guy’s birthday, favorite color, sibling’s names and ages, and sibling’s significant others.

2. Vision boards. Combine your love of cutting out letters from magazines (see #1) with your obsession with all things Oprah. Simply decoupage to your hearts delight and use the power of the Force to uncover the Secret of the Laws of Attraction and Power of Thought with Vision Boards and whatever. Remember: the Universe is Listening.

3. Talk about your dead husband. I know that *always* gets me in the mood for a little somethin’ somethin’.

4. Lie about your age. It doesn’t matter how much plastic surgery you’ve had to cover up your Cougar-ness. Just draw on those eyebrows and knock a decade or two off your age. You’ll do great!

5. Use non sequiturs. Keep your date on his toes with gripping conversation such as, “I speak Spanish. My name is Sharon.” or “Wanna guess how old I am?”

6. Talk a lot about your job. Especially if it is something as interesting as toe implants. Yes. Toe implants.

7. Impress your date with State knowledge. Flaunt your Idaho potatoes! I’m sure he’d love to hear all about the Mountain Bluebird (state bird), the Square Dance (state dance – yee haw!) and your state fish, which everyone knows is the Cutthroat Trout.

8. Confuse information about your date’s hometown. Stay mysterious and keep him guessing as you talk about “Pike’s Market” in Kirkland or maybe the Empire Building in Baltimore…

9. Use your best stripper name. Dominique? Treasure? Stacia? Nuf said.

10. Drink a lot. NOTHING is sexier than slurring your words and rambling nonsense. Oh, and touch your date inappropriately. That always works.

Song title: Date Bait by Dr. Feelgood