Weakness of the Body
28 Sep
I am falling apart.
Almost kind of literally.
See, last night I had a delicious dinner at a local Pacific NW-known establishment (it rhymes with SchmIvar’s), and I’m pretty sure that they served me death (or) aids (or, maybe more realistically) some bad seafood.
All I know is that ever since I woke up this morning, I’ve had poo shooting energetically out my ass.
Yes, I said it. Energetically.
No pain, no cramping, but basically a firehose of poo water reminiscent of you-know-what.
On top of that, I haven’t eaten anything today in fear that any food may somehow remain intact and I have to endure an entire whole bagel being forced out my butthole at roughly the speed of light.
Not fun, my friends. Not fun.
Oh and did I also mention that I totally sprained (Google MD diagnosis) a ligament in my food (or my FOOT, if you want to be all spell-checky and whatnot, geesh!) by sitting on it wrong.
Yep.
I’m so fat that I broke (okay fine, it didn’t break) my own foot.
Laugh it up, Chuckles. Laugh. It. Up.
And the pièce de résistance is that I was (okay, and still am a little even though my basal temp says differently) completely convinced that I am knocked up.
This last week or so I’ve been nauseous, light-headed, and totally exhausted. In fact, my really horrible blogging the last few days is a direct result of my napping during Bee’s nap times instead of blogging.
But just for shits and giggles, I thought I would look up the side effects of the new medication that I’ve been taking for the last two weeks (see a correlation yet, people?).
So…yeah.
The medication’s side effects are pretty much EVERY. SINGLE. pregnancy symptoms minus having a goddamn fetus in my uterus.
Super.
To end on a high note, I got to see the musical Wicked last week and it was, for a lack of a better term, wicked. But for serious, it was truly amazing and I recommend it to anyone who loves, well, anything. It’s that good.
Also, a quick shout out to the Mom to Bee reader in the cream colored cable knit sweater who was sitting a few rows over from Sissy and I. My dear old Dad pointed you out to me and I was going to go introduce myself, but then I chickened out.
You’re welcome.
Song title: Weakness of the Body by Judy Torres
The Cool Kids