Cartoon Heroes

17 Aug

When it comes to driving, there are many things that I find irritating.

#1: Crazy bitches/douchebags.

#2: Pretty much every single driver in the state of Washington.

#3: These disgusting things:
Thanks for adding the veins. Because THAT makes them classy.

But if there is one thing that I simply don’t understand, it’s the grown adults who plaster their cars with cartoon characters.

Seriously, people, it’s bad enough to use your back window to display every single thought you’ve ever had via sticker, a butterfly decal (I’m so girly!) or that super rad turtle stick you found in Hawaii (totally original, by the way), but when you start plastering your back window with cartoon characters? I just don’t get it.

Let’s take a minutes to discuss some of my favorites.

calvinpeeing

Calvin Peeing

Okay, maybe I’m missing something, but why on earth would you put this on your car? Besides the fact that it’s just gross, what does it say about the person driving the vehicle? And I can’t lie, it kind of makes me throw up in my mouth a little. Pull up your pants, you little asshat!

calvinpraying

Calvin Praying

This one almost makes me crash because I’m too busy rolling my eyes instead of paying attention to driving. Honestly, I don’t know which Calvin is more annoying, but both definitely make me cringe.

Mickey.Any and Every Disney Character

Now our dear friend Mickey here is only the tip of the iceberg. If it’s not Mickey, it’s the Tazmanian Devil (because that means your sassy! oooh!), or Tweety Bird or whatever.

Now don’t get me wrong. I was a HUGE fan of cartoons.

When I was twelve.

Okay, maybe I was 15, but I still knew then that I was too old for that shit. But now that I’m (gag) a grown-up, I simply don’t know what to make out of going to someone’s house (and I’m talking a REAL grown-up’s house) and finding a Mickey Mouse themed-bathroom.

And not a CHILD’S bathroom, mind you. Like just their regular old guest bathroom.

First of all, it’s a little creepy. Almost “Hey kid, you want to see a cool bathroom? heh heh heh” creepy.

Secondly, Mickey Mouse? Really? When was the last time you saw that mouse do anything? The rodent doesn’t even have a regular job yet somehow people become totally obsessed. I know it’s part-blasphemy, part-anti-american, but something about Mickey Mouse just annoys the shit out of me. Even Bee’s diapers piss me off a little.
Smells like unemployment.

Lastly, well, I don’t really have a “lastly”. It’s just weird so stop doing it.

And don’t even get me started on grown women wearing cartoon characters on their puffy sweatshirts…

Song title: Cartoon Heroes by The Aqua Velvets

12 Responses to “Cartoon Heroes”

  1. Erin August 17, 2009 at 11:50 am #

    I had a hard time not laughing aloud when I read this posting. The guy next to me at work is Disney crazy, maybe even obsessed. The majority of his vacations are to Disneyland or world, which might be fine if he had kids. He orders pins and other crap all the time online, and even his wedding was a Disney theme. All I can say is grow up people.

  2. Jaci August 17, 2009 at 12:33 pm #

    Most of the rednecks around me have the metal version of those ball things dragging from their beat up truck’s hitch. And Calvin is peeing on Ford or Dodge or whatever brand of truck they DON’T have.

    Our biatches are hard core and don’t settle for cartoons or butterflies. Hell to the no! They pimp their cars out with pink Steelers shit…cause you know, Big Ben is single and he might look at them.

    Ahh…life in the Pittsburgh area is awesome.

    Wait–no mention of the Brittney Super Star Cheerleader sticker and the Grant Lacrosse Player “My kid is AWESOME!!!!” decals on SUV’s? :)

  3. sissy2mom2b August 17, 2009 at 2:16 pm #

    I can’t believe you didn’t mention bullet hole decals or stuffed animals on the back seat ledge of cars. That is sick, yo. And not in a good way.

    Ooooo, here’s one. Airbrushed personalized t-shirts. GROSS!!! If that doesn’t say ghetto, I don’t know what does.

  4. Pearl Wisdom August 18, 2009 at 7:45 am #

    what about those fucking “stick figure family” decals? BARF! and people actually have to put some effort into customizing those things. losers.

    my mom is one of these people. she has betty boop EVERY.THING. the usual suspects…stickers, figurines, a gazillion tshirts, watches, and accessories. but she takes it to a new level with two, yes TWO, betty boop lamps… in the living room! betty boop dinner plates and glasses. betty boop towels. betty boop throw pillows. she even has… wait for it… a betty boop TATOO! at least she is easy to buy a gift for.

  5. Pearl Wisdom August 18, 2009 at 8:00 am #

    and oh yeah, those fucking ball sac things drive me crazy. it makes me want to cut the drivers balls off and hand them from my antenna.

  6. Pearl Wisdom August 18, 2009 at 8:01 am #

    (last comment, i promise) but maybe we could make a zillion dollars by creating a rubberized plastic uterus that hangs from your rear view mirror?

  7. Mama Bee August 18, 2009 at 8:10 am #

    Pearl, I had every intention just now of making you a photoshop’d pictured of a truck ball hitch with a uterus hanging off of it, but do you know the disgusting photos that come up in an image search when you search for “uterus”.

    I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

  8. Statler August 18, 2009 at 2:18 pm #

    AHEM…uhm… being that I used to be the Mouse….

    Yes, it even bugs ME to see cartoons or balls on their cars. And the Disneyana (yes, there is a name for the Disney-lovers) collectors are hella creepy and usally talk to themselves. But LAY OFF THE MOUSE! Having Cartoons, sticks figures, are all equally bleh…let’s not single out the Mouse.

    Oh and… Tweety and Tazmanian Devil are Warner Bros and equally annoying.

  9. Rachael August 18, 2009 at 5:53 pm #

    Ugh – I HATE truck nuts! It’s obscene! Who decided that was okay? I also hate Calvin peeing especially because for freak’s sake – he’s a cute little kid from the comics. He shouldn’t be pissing on stuff.

  10. Shannon August 20, 2009 at 5:20 pm #

    BWAHAHAHAHA! Those truck balls ARE disgusting. What prick had the “bright idea” to think those things up?

  11. root08 April 19, 2011 at 5:28 am #

    FUCK YOU ALL WHO HATE CHARACTERS!!!!!!
    We all have our thing we like. Maybe you like to be poor and drink up your fucking money for nothing!!!
    Atleast we, members of the characters-fan-club arrent as stupid like you idiots who just talks like shit!

    Respect Disney, Sega and all those others producers in the world.

    • Mama Bee April 19, 2011 at 7:17 am #

      Thank you, root, for that eloquent response to my post.

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