Absent Friend

17 Dec

Dear Friends,

I am so sorry that I have been completely absent from the blog all week. Here is a rough calculation of how I am spending my days:

7:00 – Bee wakes up and I pretend to be asleep.

7:15 to 8:00 – I attempt to sleep while Bee watches episode upon episode of Dinosaur Train. This could be possible if Bee didn’t insist on narrating every. single. thing. happening on each and every episode.

8:00 to 10:00 – Bee watches more television as it takes me two hours to gather the energy to shower and dress. This doesn’t include makeup or drying of the hair. This two hour period pretty much consists of me laying down for a half hour between every action.

10:00 – Try to convince myself to be productive and plan/shop for big holiday party I am hosting on Saturday.

10:05 to 12:00 – Curl up on couch wanting to die from hours of coughing that leads to dry heaves and gagging.

12:00 – Force-feed lunch to Bee while she plays with random “toys” like Mr. Bee’s belt. “Look at me!” she says with the belt wrapped around her neck.

12:01 – Realize that I will never win Mother of the Year Award. That ship has sailed.

1:15 – Attempt to put Bee down for a nap without reading 12 stories as reading/talking makes me want to vomit.

1:30 to 3:30 – Lay in fetal position on the couch.

3:30 – Realize when Bee wakes from nap that I’ve wasted yet another day. Feel guilt beyond measure even though everyone assures me that being worthless during the 1st trimester is allowed/expected.

4:00 – Go comatose when realizing how much work needs to be accomplished to successfully host party AND Christmas Eve dinner within a week.

4:30 – Realize how many Christmas presents still need to be purchased.

4:31 – Curse not being able to drink profusely to deal with holiday stress.

5:00 to 5:30 – Count minutes until fabulous husband comes home from work. (P.S. I have the best husband ever. Seriously.)

5:30 to 9:30 – Lay in fetal position on the couch until the sweet release of sleep overcomes me. Oh sleep, how you don’t make me vomit.

So that’s pretty much what I’m doing all day when I’m not blogging. Even though I have a ton to blog about. Hopefully I will get off my lazy ass and tell you about my awesome Santabator present (it has a little to do with Jesus) and the on-going Breaking News that SANTABATOR HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED!


I miss you all, my friends. But I miss you most of all, Santabator.

Song title: Absent Friend by Buoys

4 Responses to “Absent Friend”

  1. Erin December 17, 2009 at 2:45 pm #

    Brilliant post and even more brilliant, er, “gift.”

  2. Kassia December 17, 2009 at 4:50 pm #

    Words cannot describe how much I love this post. I’m so not looking forward to housing the second child for this reason. Glad it really is all I imagined!

  3. Kristen December 17, 2009 at 8:11 pm #

    Oh, this post so reminds me of my first trimester this pregnancy. I think the TV was on *almost* every waking hour of the day. On the upside, my morning sickness subsided earlier this time around. I hope it does for you too!

  4. Arla-Shay December 18, 2009 at 4:34 pm #

    Why is Santabator so buff? Has he spent time in prison for public indecency?

Leave a Reply to Arla-Shay