About Those Hormones

20 Oct

Anybody know when these ridiculous hormonal surges are going to stop?!

We’ve already discussed my never-ending pasta bowl of a stomach, which I attribute to breastfeeding every two minutes and, well, my complete lack of will power to stay away from donuts, cookies and bagels.

But now, NOW, I’ve started the super awesome process of losing all that lush and glossy hair that you accumulate during pregnancy.

For the uninitiated, during pregnancy, your hair cycle slows due to hormones and whatnot so all that hair that you would normally slough off daily sticks around. That’s why your hair looks all full and glorious when you are with child.

But then, THEN! A few months after you are ripped in two give birth to your beautiful bouncing boob gobbler precious bebe, those goddamn hormones catch up to you and poof! You start losing all that hair you accumulated for 9 months!

And I don’t mean, “Oh look! I have a stray hair on my shoulder.”

I mean that I look like a goddamn Yeti with trichotillomania.

My shower looks like a million daddy long legs went hari kari in the drain.

My shirts all look like someone from PETA should be throwing a bucket of red paint at me.

That, plus the hot flashes I have during my 800 times a day breast feeding marathons, equals one dirty, sweaty, hairy mama.

And somehow Mr. Bee still wants to get up on this. I mean, has he SEEN me lately?

I think I’ll start calling it Hormone Blindness.

Song title: About Those Hormones by Jeffrey Evans

4 Responses to “About Those Hormones”

  1. Stacy October 20, 2010 at 11:27 am #

    Hilarious! I have 4 kids – and my record for nursing was 3 straight years – you can imagine the state of my hair, stomach and boobs at this point can’t you :)

  2. Semi-Crunchy Mama October 20, 2010 at 12:29 pm #

    Atleast your hair is blonde. My dark brown hair on the white tile is horrible!!

  3. EW October 20, 2010 at 5:47 pm #

    I’m still sporting the hair halo, the area that is finally growing back after falling out all over the f’ing place. Literally, if I pull my hair back there’s a halo going around my head of stringy, thin, frazzled “new growth” which also means DARK versus my preference of LIGHT. So hot. Feeling the pain!

  4. Rachael October 21, 2010 at 3:18 pm #

    So I’m 5.5 months postpartum and the freakish shedding seems to have finally ended. I got my first hair cut in over a year and it definitely helped. But it was awful when it started and I had to mourn my awesome pregnancy hair.

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